She could not help feeling disappointed,
and when the London Journal came for the first time across her way,
with the story of a broken heart, her own heart melted with sympathy; the
more sentimental and unnatural the romance, the more it fevered and
enraptured her. She loved to read of singular subterranean combats, of high
castles, prisoners, hair-breadth escapes; and her sympathies were always
with the fugitives. It was also very delightful to hear of lovers who were
true to each other in spite of a dozen wicked uncles, of women who were
tempted until their hearts died within them, and who years after threw up
their hands and said, 'Thank God that I had the courage to resist!'
The second period of her sentimental education was when she passed from the
authors who deal exclusively with knights, princesses, and kings to those
who interest themselves in the love fortunes of doctors and curates.
Amid these there was one story that interested her in particular, and
caused her deeper emotions than the others. It concerned a beautiful young
woman with a lovely oval face, who was married to a very tiresome country
doctor. This lady was in the habit of reading Byron and Shelley in a rich,
sweet-scented meadow, down by the river, which flowed dreamily through
smiling pasture-lands adorned by spreading trees. But this meadow belonged
to a squire, a young man with grand, broad shoulders, who day after day
used to watch these readings by the river without venturing to address a
word to the fair trespasser. One day, however, he was startled by a shriek:
in her poetical dreamings the lady had slipped into the water. A moment
sufficed to tear off his coat, and as he swam like a water-dog he had no
difficulty in rescuing her. Of course after this adventure he had to call
and inquire, and from henceforth his visits grew more and more frequent,
and by a strange coincidence, he used to come riding up to the hall-door
when the husband was away curing the ills of the country-folk. Hours were
passed under the trees by the river, he pleading his cause, and she
refusing to leave poor Arthur, till at last the squire gave up the pursuit
and went to foreign parts, where he waited thirty years, until he heard
Arthur was dead. And then he came back with a light heart to his first and
only love, who had never ceased to think of him, and lived with her happily
for ever afterwards. The grotesque mixture of prose and poetry, both
equally false, used to enchant Kate, and she always fancied that had she
been the heroine of the book she would have acted in the same way.
Kate's taste for novel-reading distressed Mrs. Howell; she thought it 'a
sinful waste of time, not to speak of the way it turned people's heads from
God'; and when one day she found Kate's scrap-book, made up of poems cut
from the Family Herald, she began to despair of her daughter's
salvation. The answer Kate made to her mother's reproaches was: 'Mother,
I've been sewing all day; I can't see what harm it can be to read a little
before I go to bed. Nobody is required to be always saying their prayers.'
The next two years passed away unperceived by either mother or daughter,
and then an event occurred of some importance. Their neighbours at the
corner of the street got into difficulties, and were eventually sold out
and their places taken by strangers, who changed the oil-shop into a
drapery business. The new arrivals aroused the keenest interest, and Mrs.
Howell and her daughter called to see what they were like, as did everybody
else. The acquaintance thus formed was renewed at church, and much to their
surprise and pleasure, they discovered that they were of the same religious
persuasion.
Henceforth the Howells and Edes saw a great deal of each other, and every
Sunday after church the mothers walked home together and the young people
followed behind. Ralph spoke of his ill-health, and Kate pitied him, and
when he complimented her on her beautiful hair she blushed with pleasure.
For much as she had revelled in fictitious sentiment, she had somehow never
thought of seeking it in nature, and how that she had found a lover, the
critical sense was not strong enough in her to lead her to compare reality
with imagination. She accepted Ralph as unsuspectingly as she hitherto
accepted the tawdry poetry of her favourite fiction. And her nature not
being a passionate one, she was able to do this without any apparent
transition of sentiment. She pitied him, hoped she could be of use in
nursing him, and felt flattered at the idea of being mistress of a shop.
The mothers were delighted, and spoke of the coincidence of their religions
and the admirable addition dressmaking would be to the drapery business. Of
love, small mention was made. The bridegroom spoke of his prospects of
improving the business, the bride listened, interested for the while in his
enthusiasm; orders came in, and Kate was soon transformed into a
hard-working woman.
This change of character passed unperceived by all but Mrs. Howell, who
died wondering how it came about. Kate herself did not know; she fancied
that it was fully accounted for by the fact that she had no time—'no time
for reading now'—which was no more than the truth; but she did not
complain; she accepted her husband's kisses as she did the toil he imposed
on her—meekly, unaffectedly, as a matter of course, as if she always knew
that the romances which used to fascinate her were merely idle dreams,
having no bearing upon the daily life of human beings—things fit to amuse
a young girl's fancies, and to be thrown aside when the realities of life
were entered upon. The only analogy between the past and present was an
ample submission to authority and an indifference to the world and its
interest. Even the fact of being without children did not seem to concern
her, and when her mother-in-law regretted it she merely smiled languidly,
or said, 'We are very well as we are.' Of the world and the flesh she lived
almost in ignorance, suspecting their existence only through Miss Hender.
Hender was attracted by her employer's kindness and softness of manner, and
Kate by her assistant's strength of will. For some months past a friendship
had been growing up between the two women, but if Kate had known for
certain that Hender was living a life of sin with the stage carpenter she
might not have allowed her into the house. But the possibility of sin
attached her to the girl in the sense that it forced her to think of her
continually.
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