Everything belonging to that time interested her,
verses and faded flowers; but her thoughts were especially centred on an
old copybook in which she kept the fragments of poetry that used to strike
her fancy at the moment. When she came upon it her heart beat quicker, and
with mild sentiments of regret she read through the slips of newspaper;
they were all the same, but as long as anyone was spoken of as being the
nearest and the dearest Kate was satisfied. Even the bonbon mottoes, of
which there were large numbers, drew from her the deepest sighs. The little
Cupid firing at a target in the shape of a heart, with 'Tom Smith & Co.,
London,' printed in small letters underneath, did not prevent her from
sharing the sentiment expressed in the lines:
'Let this cracker, torn asunder,
Be an emblem of my heart;
And as we have shared the plunder,
Pray you of my love take part.'
Sitting on the floor, with one hand leaning on the open trunk, she read,
letting her thoughts drift through past scenes and sensations. All was far
away; and she turned over the relics that the past had thrown up on the
shore of the present without seeing any connection between them and the
needs of the moment until she lit on the following verses:
'Wearily I'm waiting for you,
For your absence watched in vain
Ask myself the hopeless question,
Will he ever come again?
'All these years, am I forgotten?
Or in absence are you true?
Oh, my darling, 'tis so lonely,
Watching, waiting here for you!
'Has your heart from its allegiance
Turned to greet a fairer face?
Have you welcomed in another
Charms you missed in me, and grace?
'Long, long years I have been waiting,
Bearing up against my pain;
All my thoughts and vows have vanished,
Will they ever come again?
'Yes, for woman's faith ne'er leaves her,
And my trust outweighs my fears;
And I still will wait his coming,
Though it may not be for years.'
As the deer, when he believes he has eluded the hounds, leaves the burning
plains and plunges into the cool woodland water, Kate bathed her tired
soul, letting it drink its fill of this very simple poem. The sentiment
came to her tenderly, through the weak words; and melting with joy, she
repeated them over and over again.
At last her sad face lit up with a smile. It had occurred to her to send
the poem that gave her so much pleasure to Dick. It would make him think of
her when he was far away; it would tell him that she had not forgotten him.
The idea pleased her so much that it did not occur to her to think if she
would be doing wrong in sending these verses to her lodger, and with
renewed ardour and happiness she continued her search among her books.
There was no question in her mind as to which she would read, and she
anticipated hours of delight in tracing resemblances between herself and
the lady who used to read Byron and Shelley to her aristocratic lover. She
feared at first she had lost this novel, but when it was discovered it was
put aside for immediate use. The next that came under her hand was the
story of a country doctor. In this instance the medical hero had poisoned
one sister to whom he was secretly married in order that he might wed a
second. Kate at first hesitated, but remembering that there was an
elopement, with a carriage overturned in a muddy lane, she decided upon
looking it through again. Another book related the love of a young lady who
found herself in the awkward predicament of not being able to care for
anyone but her groom, who was lucky enough to be the possessor of the most
wonderful violet eyes. The fourth described the distressing position of a
young clergyman who, when he told the lady of his choice that his means for
the moment did not admit of his taking a wife, was answered that it did not
matter, for in the meantime she was quite willing to be his mistress. This
devotion and self-sacrifice touched Kate so deeply that she was forced to
pause in her search to consider how those who have loved much are forgiven.
But at this moment Mrs. Ede entered.
'Oh, Kate, what are you doing?'
Although the question was asked in an intonation of voice affecting to be
one of astonishment only, there was nevertheless in it an accent of reproof
that was especially irritating to Kate in her present mood. A deaf anger
against her mother-in-law's interference oppressed her, but getting the
better of it, she said quietly, though somewhat sullenly:
'You always want to know what I'm doing! I declare, one can't turn round
but you're after me, just like a shadow.'
'What you say is unjust, Kate,' replied the old woman warmly. 'I'm sure I
never pry after you.'
'Well, anyhow, there it is: I'm looking out for a book to read in the
evenings, if you want to know.'
'I thought you'd given up reading those vain and sinful books; they can't
do you any good.'
'What harm can they do me?'
'They turn your thoughts from Christ. I've looked into them to see that I
may not be speaking wrongly, and I've found them nothing but vain accounts
of the world and its worldliness. I didn't read far, but what I saw was a
lot of excusing of women who couldn't love their husbands, and much sighing
after riches and pleasure. I thanked God you'd given over such things. I
believed your heart was turned towards Him. Now it grieves me bitterly to
see I was mistaken.'
'I don't know what you mean. Ralph never said that there was any harm in my
reading tales.'
'Ah! Ralph, I'm afraid, has never set a good example. I wouldn't blame him,
for he's my own son, but I'd wish to see him not prizing so highly the
things of the world.'
'We must live, though,' Kate answered, without quite understanding what she
said.
'Live—of course we have to live; but it depends how we live and what we
live for—whether it be to indulge the desires of the flesh, the desire of
the eye, or to regain the image of God, to have the design of God again
planted in our souls. This is what we should live for, and it is only thus
that we shall find true happiness.'
Though these were memories of phrases heard in the pulpit, they were
uttered by Mrs. Ede with a fervour, with a candour of belief, that took
from them any appearance of artificiality; and Kate did not notice that her
mother-in-law was using words that were not habitual to her.
'But what do you want me to do?' said Kate, who began to feel frightened.
'To go to Christ, to love Him. He is all we have to help us, and they who
love Him truly are guided as to how to live righteously. Whether we eat or
drink, or whatever we do, it springs from or leads to the love of God and
man.'
These words stirred Kate to her very entrails; a sudden gush of feeling
brought the tears to her eyes, and she was on the point of throwing herself
into Mrs. Ede's arms.
The temptation to have a good cry was almost irresistible, and the burden
of her pent-up emotions was more than she could bear.
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