It’ll improve your mood.’

‘I can’t. Not allowed to. My nightwatchman gets angry if I smell of strong drink.’

‘Oh, your old lady. Must be funny, always the same one. No surprises. Do you still enjoy it?’

‘Wrong question. Marriage isn’t a matter of enjoyment.’

‘That’s what I thought. And no surprises either. No, thank you. You know, that’s the reason modern female fashions are such crap: you know everything in advance. Those stupid slips! Whereas before, remember baggy white camiknickers!’ He loses himself in a reverie.

‘Which one’s your man?’ Wenk butts in.

‘My man? What man? Oh, you mean Kalübbe! Over there. Two tables over. The elderly guy playing skat, putting on weight.’

‘I see, so that’s Kalübbe,’ says Wenk, disappointed. ‘I pictured him differently.’

‘Pictured him differently? He’s fine the way he is. The two fellows playing with him. They must make the revenue councillor very happy.’

‘Who are they, then?’

‘You must know the one in the grey uniform, surely? Every child knows who that is. No? That’s Auxiliary Prison Warden Gruen. They call him Bonkers Gruen because he lost his mind after the privates stood him up against the wall in November 1918.’

‘Why?’

‘Because he was too hard on them, probably. They wanted to shoot him full of holes, and I don’t think it’s quite dawned on him yet that he’s survived.—You should look at him when the Right wing are waving their black-white-and-red banner, he’s incapable of walking past a flag. He pulls off his hat and intones: “You know we never starved under this flag.” The children follow him everywhere.’

‘And that kind of thing works for the government?’

‘Why not? Presumably he’s still capable of locking and unlocking doors.’

‘All right. And the other man, then?’

‘He’s the train-driver Thienelt. Senior locomotive driver in the region. The directorship of the railway has been on at him for years to wear uniform. He won’t do it. You know why?’

‘Nope. Tell me.’

‘Very simple. He won’t, because then he would have to wear a cap.—You’re not smart enough, Wenk. You can hold your drink, but you’re not smart.—There’s a newfangled eagle on the uniform, and he prefers the old-fashioned design . . .’

‘So he won’t wear it?’

‘He won’t wear it.