I pointed to my release order, and to my civic right to terminate agreements: but to no avail. He told me I had tried to exploit the plight of a fellow German national in order to gain a personal advantage. That contravened a basic Nazi principle, and for that alone he could place me under arrest again forthwith. I had no right, he said, to deprive old Mr Sponar of his villa just because I had loads of money. Either I must agree immediately to withdraw the letter and fulfil all the obligations I had entered into earlier – or else! And he made a dramatic gesture to underline his meaning. And, he added, this time they would make sure I ended up in a place where even the most wily lawyer would not be able to get me out!

It was the first time in my life that I had been confronted by attempted Nazi blackmail of this kind, and I must confess that the brazenness with which it was presented to me really knocked me back. ‘But surely I am at least allowed to terminate my rental agreement’, I cried angrily. ‘I have no desire to carry on living here!’

‘You are not allowed to terminate your rental agreement’, he replied, ‘because by doing so you will aggravate the plight of a fellow German national. Of course, you are free to live wherever you like, but you must carry on paying the rent here! And of course, if you so wish, Mr Sponar will try to find an alternative tenant, at your own expense. If that works out, then of course you are off the hook. As you see, we are bending over backwards to accommodate you here. So: what is your decision? Are you coming with us, or are you going to meet your obligations?’

What choice did I have? I complied, inwardly raging. Perhaps the leader read something of my feelings in my face, because he said: ‘And I would advise you to be extremely polite in your dealings with the Sponars. Any cause for complaint, and we’ll come down on you very hard!’ And with that they left.

(27.IX.44.) As for us, we just sat there wondering where it had all gone wrong. I especially didn’t dare look at my wife, having now realized just how much damage I had done to us both by my ill-advised outburst of anger. Neither of us wanted to speak. But in the end I got to my feet and said: ‘Yes, I’ve made a mess of things again, I can see that, you don’t need to look at me like that, Suse! But I’m not going to carry on living here on that account. I can’t stand the sight of those two sanctimonious creeps, and if I had to clap eyes on them every day I’d end up doing something really silly. I’m going to the village to see if I can’t get a car to Berlin, and while I’m gone you can start to pack. Just pack what we’d need for a long trip, and use the big wardrobe trunk too, Suse. I have a feeling that we won’t be living here again!’ And I cast a long and rather wistful look around my large, bright study, the first room for which we had had furniture made to our own design by a master carpenter who still loved his work. Suse followed my gaze, and she doubtless felt a little wistful herself; but she said stoutly: ‘Of course it’s best if we move away from these two-faced people, I can’t stand the sight of them either, and especially not her. He’s just a weedy little man, and he reminds me of a rabbit with that velvet jacket of his. But I do wonder if Berlin is the right place for us? We’re just coming into the hot season, and it would surely be better for the boy to have trees and grass and water, like we had here. It would be good for me too. And it would definitely be better for you.’ (Now she’s thinking about the bars in Berlin, I thought to myself.) ‘Not at all!’ I cried, suddenly excited at the thought of a change of scene and different company. I was already realizing that it would be quite impossible for me to sit around quietly in the countryside after the last few eventful weeks. ‘Not at all, we’ll just move into the Stössinger guesthouse49 for now, I’ll phone them right away and see if we can have a nice big room. And what happens after that, we’ll just have to wait and see. At times like this it’s best not to make any plans at all.