I probably couldn’t do it anywhere else. What kind of a German would I be if I had slunk away to a life of ease in my country’s hour of affliction and ignominy? For I love this nation, which has given, and will continue to give, imperishable sounds to the world. Here songs are sung as in no other country upon earth; here in Germany were heard strains that will never be heard again if this nation perishes! So true, so forbearing, so steadfast, this nation – and so easily led astray! Because it is so trusting – it believes every charlatan who happens along.

And I’ll say it here and not mince my words: it wasn’t the Germans who did the most to pave the way for National Socialism, it was the French and the British.20 Since 1918 there have been many governments who were more than willing to cooperate – but they were never given a chance. It was repeatedly forgotten that they were not only the executors of measures forcibly imposed by foreign countries, but also the representatives of an impoverished and starving people, whom they loved! It is those others who have thrust us into the abyss, into the hell in which we are now living!

So yes, I have stayed, and many others with me. We have given each other courage, and we have made something of ourselves in Germany; let it be said without arrogance, in all modesty indeed, that we have remained the salt of the earth, and not everything has lost its savour. It was inevitable, of course, that people in my neighbourhood would realize that I was a black sheep, nobody in my house has ever said ‘Heil Hitler!’, and in such matters the ears of people in Germany have become remarkably acute over the years. Many people have spoken to me very openly about their true feelings, and that has given me and them the strength to carry on and endure. We didn’t do anything so preposterous as to hatch conspiracies or plot coups, which is what people in other countries always expected of us, utterly failing to recognize the seriousness of our situation. We were not intent on committing suicide when our death would be of no use to anybody. But we were the salt of the earth – and if the salt has lost its savour, with what shall it be salted?

Although it doesn’t actually belong here, I will tell a little story at this point that happened to me in the first years after the Nazis came to power, and which will perhaps give some idea of how the atmosphere in my house immediately encouraged those of like mind to emerge from the silence they so anxiously maintained the rest of the time. One day a repair man from Berlin called on us to fix some appliance or other. He was a real Berliner, quick on the uptake, and he had immediately grasped what kind of house this was. At the table – we always eat together – he loosened up more and more, finally regaling us with the following delightful and instructive story, from which one can see that in Germany, even in the worst of times, there were still (and there always will be) plenty of upright and unwavering men in every walk of life. Anyway, this repair man told us the following story in his strong Berlin accent: ‘So the doorbell rang, and when I opened up there was one of the Chancellor’s tin-rattlers standing there with a list in his paw. “I’m from the WRO”,21 says the man, “and we can’t help noticing that you have never contributed to the great relief effort for the German nation. The Winter Relief Organization, that is . . .” And he reels off his spiel, and I let him rabbit on, and when he’s finished I say to him: “Look mate,” I say, “you can save your breath because you’re not getting anything out of me!”

“Well,” says he, “if you’re still not going to give anything even after I’ve paid you a personal visit, then I’ll have to put a circle after your name on my list of addresses, and that could have very unpleasant consequences for you.”

“Look mate,” I say again, “I don’t give a monkey’s what kind of geometric shapes you draw after my name, I’m still not going to give you anything!”

Now he tries a bit harder. “Look here,” he says, “don’t be like that, don’t get yourself into trouble when there’s no need! Just give me a fifty and I won’t put a circle on the list – job done!”

“You think?” says I. “But a fifty, that’s a whole loaf of bread, and a loaf of bread is a big thing for me: I’ve got five kids.”

“What!” says this fellow, all excited. “You’ve got five children? Then you’re a man after our Führer’s own heart!”

“Whatever,” says I, “but just so you know: we had all the children before your lot came to power!”

“You know what?” says he, “you’ll never make a good National Socialist as long as you live!”

“You’ve got it, mate!” I reply. “I won’t even make a bad National Socialist!”’

I must admit this little story made a lasting impression on me, and the line about not even making a bad Nazi proved very helpful to me in many of the situations I would find myself in during the times ahead.

If I ask myself today whether I did the right thing or the wrong thing by remaining in Germany, then I’d still have to say today: ‘I did the right thing.’ I truthfully did not stay, as some have claimed, because I didn’t want to lose my home and possessions or because I was a coward. If I’d gone abroad I could have earned more money, more easily, and would have lived a safer life. Here I have suffered all manner of trials and tribulations, I’ve spent many hours in the air-raid shelter in Berlin,22 watching the windows turn red, and often enough, to put it plainly, I’ve been scared witless. My property has been constantly at risk, for a year now they have refused to allocate paper for my books – and I am writing these lines in the shadow of the hangman’s noose in the asylum at Strelitz, where the chief prosecutor has kindly placed me as a ‘dangerous lunatic’, in September 1944. Every ten minutes or so a constable enters my cell, looks curiously at my scribblings, and asks me what I am writing. I say: ‘A children’s story’23 and carry on writing. I prefer not to think about what will happen to me if anyone reads these lines. But I have to write them. I sense that the war is coming to an end soon, and I want to write down my experiences before that happens: hundreds of others will be doing the same after the war.