In the open fields, under the shadow
of high ricks, he would lie, listening to the hollow splashing of
the mills and inhaling the fresh breeze from Voulzie. Sometimes he went as far as the
peat-bogs, to the green and black hamlet of Longueville, or climbed wind-swept hillsides
affording magnificent views. There, below to one side, as far as
the eye could reach, lay the Seine valley, blending in the distance with the blue
sky; high up, near the horizon, on the other side, rose the
churches and tower of Provins
which seemed to tremble in the golden dust of the air.
Immersed in solitude, he would dream
or read far into the night. By protracted contemplation of the same
thoughts, his mind grew sharp, his vague, undeveloped ideas took on
form. After each vacation, Jean returned to his masters more reflective and
headstrong. These changes did not escape them. Subtle and
observant, accustomed by their profession to plumb souls to their
depths, they were fully aware of his unresponsiveness to their
teachings. They knew that this student would never contribute to
the glory of their order, and as his family was rich and apparently
careless of his future, they soon renounced the idea of having him
take up any of the professions their school offered. Although he
willingly discussed with them those theological doctrines which
intrigued his fancy by their subtleties and hair-splittings, they
did not even think of training him for the religious orders, since,
in spite of their efforts, his faith remained languid. As a last
resort, through prudence and fear of the harm he might effect, they
permitted him to pursue whatever studies pleased him and to neglect
the others, being loath to antagonize this bold and independent
spirit by the quibblings of the lay school assistants.
Thus he lived in perfect contentment,
scarcely feeling the parental yoke of the priests. He continued his
Latin and French studies when the whim seized him and, although
theology did not figure in his schedule, he finished his
apprenticeship in this science, begun at the Château de Lourps, in the library bequeathed by
his grand-uncle, Dom Prosper,
the old prior of the regular canons of Saint-Ruf.
But soon the time came when he must
quit the Jesuit institution. He attained his majority and became
master of his fortune. The Comte de
Montchevrel, his cousin and guardian, placed in his hands
the title to his wealth. There was no intimacy between them, for
there was no possible point of contact between these two men, the
one young, the other old. Impelled by curiosity, idleness or
politeness, Des Esseintes
sometimes visited the Montchevrel family and spent some dull evenings in
their Rue de la Chaise mansion
where the ladies, old as antiquity itself, would gossip of
quarterings of the noble arms, heraldic moons and anachronistic
ceremonies.
The men, gathered around whist tables,
proved even more shallow and insignificant than the dowagers; these
descendants of ancient, courageous knights, these last branches of
feudal races, appeared to Des
Esseintes as catarrhal, crazy, old men repeating inanities
and time-worn phrases. A fleur de lis seemed the sole
imprint on the soft pap of their brains.
The youth felt an unutterable pity for
these mummies buried in their elaborate hypogeums of wainscoting
and grotto work, for these tedious triflers whose eyes were forever
turned towards a hazy Canaan, an imaginary Palestine.
After a few visits with such
relatives, he resolved never again to set foot in their homes,
regardless of invitations or reproaches.
Then he began to seek out the young
men of his own age and set.
One group, educated like himself in
religious institutions, preserved the special marks of this
training. They attended religious services, received the sacrament
on Easter, frequented the Catholic circles and concealed as
criminal their amorous escapades. For the most part, they were
unintelligent, acquiescent fops, stupid bores who had tried the
patience of their professors. Yet these professors were pleased to
have bestowed such docile, pious creatures upon society.
The other group, educated in the state
colleges or in the lycées, were less hypocritical and much more
courageous, but they were neither more interesting nor less
bigoted. Gay young men dazzled by operettas and races, they played
lansquenet and baccarat, staked large fortunes on horses and cards,
and cultivated all the pleasures enchanting to brainless fools.
After a year's experience, Des
Esseintes felt an overpowering weariness of this company
whose debaucheries seemed to him so unrefined, facile and
indiscriminate without any ardent reactions or excitement of nerves
and blood.
He gradually forsook them to make the
acquaintance of literary men, in whom he thought he might find more
interest and feel more at ease. This, too, proved disappointing; he
was revolted by their rancorous and petty judgments, their
conversation as obvious as a church door, their dreary discussions
in which they judged the value of a book by the number of editions
it had passed and by the profits acquired. At the same time, he
noticed that the free thinkers, the doctrinaires of the
bourgeoisie, people who claimed every liberty that they might
stifle the opinions of others, were greedy and shameless puritans
whom, in education, he esteemed inferior to the corner
shoemaker.
His contempt for humanity deepened. He
reached the conclusion that the world, for the most part, was
composed of scoundrels and imbeciles. Certainly, he could not hope
to discover in others aspirations and aversions similar to his own,
could not expect companionship with an intelligence exulting in a
studious decrepitude, nor anticipate meeting a mind as keen as his
among the writers and scholars.
Irritated, ill at ease and offended by
the poverty of ideas given and received, he became like those
people described by Nicole—those who are always melancholy. He would fly
into a rage when he read the patriotic and social balderdash
retailed daily in the newspapers, and would exaggerate the
significance of the plaudits which a sovereign public always
reserves for works deficient in ideas and style.
Already, he was dreaming of a refined
solitude, a comfortable desert, a motionless ark in which to seek
refuge from the unending deluge of human stupidity.
A single passion, woman, might have
curbed his contempt, but that, too, had palled on him. He had taken
to carnal repasts with the eagerness of a crotchety man affected
with a depraved appetite and given to sudden hungers, whose taste
is quickly dulled and surfeited. Associating with country squires,
he had taken part in their lavish suppers where, at dessert, tipsy
women would unfasten their clothing and strike their heads against
the tables; he had haunted the green rooms, loved actresses and
singers, endured, in addition to the natural stupidity he had come
to expect of women, the maddening vanity of female strolling
players. Finally, satiated and weary of this monotonous
extravagance and the sameness of their caresses, he had plunged
into the foul depths, hoping by the contrast of squalid misery to
revive his desires and stimulate his deadened senses.
Whatever he attempted proved vain; an
unconquerable ennui oppressed him. Yet he persisted in his excesses
and returned to the perilous embraces of accomplished mistresses.
But his health failed, his nervous system collapsed, the back of
his neck grew sensitive, his hand, still firm when it seized a
heavy object, trembled when it held a tiny glass.
The physicians whom he consulted
frightened him. It was high time to check his excesses and renounce
those pursuits which were dissipating his reserve of strength! For
a while he was at peace, but his brain soon became over-excited.
Like those young girls who, in the grip of puberty, crave coarse
and vile foods, he dreamed of and practiced perverse loves and
pleasures.
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