Janecek said defensively. “I’m ashamed to talk about it — But if you must know,” she suddenly resolved, “this morning I found . . . in the cave . . . a piece of mammoth tusk. It was carved like . . . like a stark-naked woman. Breasts and everything!”

“You don’t mean it!” the old man uttered in astonishment. “And who carved it?”

Mrs. Janecek shrugged her shoulders, a shocked expression on her face. “Who knows? One of the youngsters, probably. I threw it in the fire, but — Those breasts it had! Disgusting!”

“ — — Well, this better not go any farther!” old grandpa Janecek finally managed to say. “It’s perverse, that’s what it is! You see? That’s what happens once they start carving this, that, and everything out of bone! We’d never in our lives have thought of doing anything so shameless, because with flint you plain couldn’t do it — This is what it leads to! That’s their new-fangled inventions for you! They’ll go on thinking up new ways of doing things, always trying out something new, until everything’s gone to rack and ruin — Mark my words,” old caveman Janecek shouted with prophetic enlightenment, “it’s not going to last long at all!”

December 24, 1931

Just Like Old Times

Eupator, citizen of Thebes and basketmaker, was sitting in his courtyard weaving baskets when his neighbor Philagoros came running over, calling while still a long way off: “Eupator, Eupator, leave your baskets and listen! Terrible things are happening!”

“Where’s the fire?” asked Eupator, apparently willing to leap to his feet.

“It’s worse than a fire,” replied Philagoros. “Do you know what’s going on? They mean to bring charges against our General Nikomachos! Some people say he’s guilty of some sort of intrigue with the Thessalonians, and others claim he’s involved in some kind of dealings with the Malcontents Party. Come quickly, we’re gathering for a demonstration in the agora!”

“But what would I do there?” Eupator asked uncertainly.

“It’s terribly important,” said Philagoros. “The place is already jam-packed with speakers; some say he’s innocent, and others say he’s guilty. Come and listen to them!”

“Wait a minute,” said Eupator. “I’m just now finishing this basket. And tell me, what is this Nikomachos actually accused of?”

“It’s not known, exactly,” said his neighbor. “Somebody says one thing and somebody else another, but the authorities haven’t said anything, because it seems the investigation isn’t finished yet. But it’s a regular free-for-all down at the agora, you should see it! Some of them shouting that Nikomachos is innocent — ”

“Wait just a minute; how can they shout that he’s innocent when they don’t know for certain what he’s accused of?”

“It doesn’t matter; everyone’s heard something, and they just talk about what they’ve heard. We’ve all got a right to talk about what we’ve heard, don’t we? I myself believe that Nikomachos was trying to betray us to the Thessalonians; someone there said so, and he says someone he knows saw some kind of letter. But one man said it was a plot against Nikomachos and that he knows a thing or two about it — They say that even the government’s mixed up in it. Are you listening, Eupator? So the question now is — ”

“Wait,” said the basketmaker. “The question now is: are the laws we’ve passed for ourselves good or bad? Did anyone say anything about that at the agora?”

“No, but that’s not really what it’s all about; it’s about Nikomachos.”

“And is anyone at the agora saying that the authorities investigating Nikomachos are bad and unjust?”

“No, no one’s said anything like that.”

“Then what are they talking about there?”

“Why, I’m telling you: about whether Nikomachos is guilty or innocent.”

“Listen, Philagoros, if your wife had a falling out with the butcher because she said he’d given her less than a full pound of meat, what would you do?”

“I’d take my wife’s side.”

“No you wouldn’t, you’d check to see if the butcher’s weights were accurate.”

“I know that even without you telling me.”

“So then.