Since he can’t afford to let an errant droplet of Jake’s blood land on his coat or collar, he decides it makes perfect sense to be completely nude when he shoots his friend.

Milo removes his clothes and checks himself out in Faith’s mirror. Then remembers watching her doing the same thing a half hour ago.

After shooing him out of the room she would have put on a bra and panties. When he sees her later tonight, at Lemon’s party, she’ll be wearing the bra and panties she put on moments after he saw her naked.

He goes back to her underwear drawer, decides on a black, lacy pair of panties, and steps into them. Since Faith is barely half his size, the fit is far from ideal.

But they feel amazing on his skin.

Okay, so silk panties feel great when they belong to your friend’s hot wife, the one you’ve always had a crush on, the one you saw completely naked moments ago. Fine, Milo can accept that.

Doesn’t make him a pervert.

Putting on her bra would definitely make him a pervert.

And he’s not one.

But again, he wonders why perverts do those sorts of things, and it’s not like he’s got anything else to do while waiting to shoot Faith’s husband.

Two minutes later he’s checking himself out in Faith’s bra and panties. He thought he’d bust out laughing, but surprise number five, he doesn’t look half as silly as he expected. He couldn’t possibly fit into her high heels, right?

Right. His feet are way too big.

But what about her platform sandals?

Milo finds a pair with an open heel. He sits on the floor and stuffs his toes in as far as they’ll go. He can’t buckle the ankle straps, of course, but he ought to be athletic enough to stand and walk. He notes that his heels extend two inches over the back and his toes don’t go all the way in, and they’re high heels after all, so he’ll have to be careful. He gets to his feet, turns to look at himself in the mirror, and crashes to the floor just in time to hear the beep.

Beep?

What beep?

The one that sounds when the back door opens. He heard it when he came in, and heard it again when Faith left.

But why is it beeping now?

Milo wasn’t expecting it. Well, obviously he knew it would beep eventually. But he didn’t expect to hear it until after hearing the garage door open. That’s how it’s supposed to work, right? Jake comes down the driveway, presses the remote, the garage door slowly opens. Jake waits for it to go up, then drives into the garage, parks his car, presses the remote to close the garage door, then enters the house.

How could Milo not have heard the garage door open?

Because the garage is on the opposite end of the house, you idiot!

He tries to scramble to his feet, but trips and falls again.

Not a problem. Jake’s a creature of habit, right? He’ll be in the kitchen, eating chips and dip.

Except that Jake turns out to be less a creature of habit than Faith thought. Milo realizes this when he hears Jake barreling down the hallway at a fast clip. Milo crawls on his hands and knees to Faith’s coat closet, starts to close the louvered door, and realizes he’s left his clothes in a pile in front of her dresser! He dives for them at the precise moment Jake enters the bedroom where Milo waited for Faith while she got dressed. There’s no way Milo can get back in Faith’s coat closet in time to avoid Jake. He’s lying facedown on the floor in the center of Faith’s closet, wearing her bra and panties and platform sandals and nothing else.

What to do?

Nothing.