The habits of my mind, however, were to a certain
degree at war with the dictates of boyish vanity. I had
considerable aversion to the boisterous gaiety of the village
gallants, and contrived to satisfy my love of praise with an
unfrequent apparition at their amusements. My excellence in these
respects, however, gave a turn to my meditations. I delighted to
read of feats of activity, and was particularly interested by tales
in which corporeal ingenuity or strength are the means resorted to
for supplying resources and conquering difficulties. I inured
myself to mechanical pursuits, and devoted much of my time to an
endeavour after mechanical invention.
The spring of action which, perhaps more than any other,
characterised the whole train of my life, was curiosity. It was
this that gave me my mechanical turn; I was desirous of tracing the
variety of effects which might be produced from given causes. It
was this that made me a sort of natural philosopher; I could not
rest till I had acquainted myself with the solutions that had been
invented for the phenomena of the universe. In fine, this produced
in me an invincible attachment to books of narrative and romance. I
panted for the unravelling of an adventure with an anxiety, perhaps
almost equal to that of the man whose future happiness or misery
depended on its issue. I read, I devoured compositions of this
sort. They took possession of my soul; and the effects they
produced were frequently discernible in my external appearance and
my health. My curiosity, however, was not entirely ignoble: village
anecdotes and scandal had no charms for me: my imagination must be
excited; and when that was not done, my curiosity was dormant.
The residence of my parents was within the manor of Ferdinando
Falkland, a country squire of considerable opulence. At an early
age I attracted the favourable notice of Mr. Collins, this
gentleman's steward, who used to call in occasionally at my
father's. He observed the particulars of my progress with
approbation, and made a favourable report to his master of my
industry and genius.
In the summer of the year ----, Mr. Falkland visited his estate
in our county after an absence of several months. This was a period
of misfortune to me. I was then eighteen years of age. My father
lay dead in our cottage. I had lost my mother some years before. In
this forlorn situation I was surprised with a message from the
squire, ordering me to repair to the mansion-house the morning
after my father's funeral.
Though I was not a stranger to books, I had no practical
acquaintance with men. I had never had occasion to address a person
of this elevated rank, and I felt no small uneasiness and awe on
the present occasion. I found Mr. Falkland a man of small stature,
with an extreme delicacy of form and appearance. In place of the
hard-favoured and inflexible visages I had been accustomed to
observe, every muscle and petty line of his countenance seemed to
be in an inconceivable degree pregnant with meaning. His manner was
kind, attentive, and humane. His eye was full of animation; but
there was a grave and sad solemnity in his air, which, for want of
experience, I imagined was the inheritance of the great, and the
instrument by which the distance between them and their inferiors
was maintained. His look bespoke the unquietness of his mind, and
frequently wandered with an expression of disconsolateness and
anxiety.
My reception was as gracious and encouraging as I could possibly
desire. Mr. Falkland questioned me respecting my learning, and my
conceptions of men and things, and listened to my answers with
condescension and approbation.
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