Have patience with me, dearest madam! said I. Do not you renounce me totally!

Permit me, dearest madam, to say, that your goodness to me, your patience, your peace, weigh more with me, than all the rest put together: for although I am to be treated by my brother and, through his instigations, by my papa, as a slave in this point, and not as a daughter, yet my mind is not that of a slave. You have not brought me up to be mean.

So, Clary, you are already at defiance with your papa! I have had too much cause before to apprehend as much. What will this come to?

You may guess what your father’s first question on his return will be. He must know that I can do nothing with you. I have done my part. Seek me, if your mind change before he comes back. You have yet a little more time, as he stays supper: I will no more seek you, nor to you. And away she flung.

What could I do but weep?

I had rather all the world should be angry with me, than my mamma!

Meantime, to clear my hands from papers of such a nature, Hannah shall deposit this. If two or three letters reach you together, they will but express, from one period to another, the anxieties and difficulties which the mind of your unhappy, but ever affectionate friend labours under.

CL. H.

Letter 21: MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE TO MISS HOWE

Sat. night

I have been down. I am to be unlucky in all I do, I think, be my intention ever so good. I have made matters worse instead of better—as I shall now tell you.

I found my mamma and sister together in my sister’s parlour. My mamma, I fear, by the glow in her fine face (and as the browner, sullener glow in my sister’s confirmed) had been expressing herself with warmth against her unhappier child; perhaps giving such an account of what had passed, as should clear herself and convince Bella, and through her, my brother and uncles, of the sincere pains she had taken with me!

I entered like a dejected criminal, I believe—and besought the favour of a private audience.

I came down, I said, to beg of her to forgive me for anything she might have taken amiss in what had passed above respecting herself, and to use her interest to soften my papa’s displeasure when she made the report she was to make to him.

Such aggravating looks, such lifting-up of hands and eyes, such a furrowed forehead in my sister!

My mamma was angry enough without all that; and asked me, to what purpose I came down if I were still so untractable?

She had hardly spoke the words, when Shorey came in to tell her that Mr Solmes was in the hall, and desired admittance.

Ugly creature! What, at the close of day, quite dark, brought him hither? But, on second thoughts, I believe it was contrived that he should be here at supper, to know the result of the conference between my mamma and me; and that my papa on his return might find us together.

I was hurrying away; but my mamma commanded me, since I had come down only, as she said, to mock her, not to stir; and at the same time see if I could behave so to him, as might encourage her to make the report to my papa which I had so earnestly besought her to make.

The man stalked in. His usual walk is by pauses, as if... he was telling [counting] his steps: and first paid his clumsy respects to my mamma, then to my sister; next to me, as if I were already his wife and therefore to be last in his notice; and sitting down by me, told us in general what weather it was. Very cold he made it; but I was warm [i.e., angry] enough. Then addressing himself to me: And how do you find it, miss, was his question; and would have took my hand.

I withdrew it, I believe with disdain enough: my mamma frowned; my sister bit her lip.

My sister rose with a face all over scarlet, and stepping to the table where lay a fan, she took it up and, although Mr Solmes had observed that the weather was cold, fanned herself very violently.

My mamma came to me, and angrily taking my hand led me out of that parlour into my own, which, you know, is next to it. Is not this behaviour very bold, very provoking, think you, Clary?

I beg your pardon, madam, if it has that appearance to you. But indeed, my dear mamma, there seem to be snares laying for me. Too well I know my brother’s drift. With a good word he shall have my consent for all he wishes to worm me out of. Neither he, nor my sister, shall need to take half this pains.

My mamma was about to leave me in high displeasure.

I besought her to stay. One favour, but one favour, dearest madam, said I, give me leave to beg of you—

What would the girl?

I see how everything is working about. I never, never can think of Mr Solmes.

I was ready to sink. She was so good as to lend me her arm to support me.

But, Clary, this one further opportunity I give you. Go in again to Mr Solmes, and behave discreetly to him; and let your papa find you together, upon civil terms at least.

What, madam, to give him hope? To give hope to Mr Solmes?

Obstinate, perverse, undutiful Clarissa Harlowe!

She flung from me with high indignation: and I went up with a very heavy heart, and feet as slow as my heart was heavy.

Twelve o’clock

This moment the keys of everything are taken from me. It was proposed to send for me down; but my papa said he could not bear to look upon me. Strange alteration in a few weeks! Shorey was the messenger.