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This BookishMall.com Etext prepared by David Reed <[email protected]>

The Works of Rudyard Kipling One Volume Edition

by Rudyard Kipling

CONTENTS

VOLUME I DEPARTMENTAL DITTIES AND OTHER VERSES

DEPARTMENTAL DITTIES Prelude General Summary Army Headquarters Study of an Elevation, in Indian Ink A Legend of the Foreign Office The Story of Uriah The Post that Fitted Public Waste Delilah What Happened Pink Dominoes The Man Who Could Write Municipal A Code of Morals The Last Department

OTHER VERSES Recessional The Vampire To the Unknown Goddess The Rupaiyat of Omar Kal'vin La Nuit Blanche My Rival The Lovers' Litany A Ballad of Burial Divided Destinies The Masque of Plenty The Mare's Nest Possibilities Christmas in India Pagett, M. P.

The Song of the Women A Ballad of Jakko Hill The Plea of the Simla Dancers Ballad of Fisher's Boarding-House "As the Bell Clinks" An Old Song Certain Maxims of Hafiz The Grave of the Hundred Head The Moon of Other Days The Overland Mail What the People Said The Undertaker's Horse The Fall of Jock Gillespie Arithmetic on the Frontier One Viceroy Resigns The Betrothed A Tale of Two Cities

VOLUME II BALLADS AND BARRACK-ROOM BALLADS

BALLADS The Ballad of East and West The Last Suttee The Ballad of the King's Mercy The Ballad of the King's Jest The Ballad of Boh Da Thone The Lament of the Border Cattle Thief The Rhyme of the Three Captains The Ballad of the "Clampherdown" The Ballad of the "Bolivar" The English Flag Cleared An Imperial Rescript Tomlinson Danny Deever Tommy Fuazy-Wuzzv Soldier, Soldier Screw-Guns Gunga Din Oonts Loot "Snarleyow" The Widow at Windsor Belts The Young British Soldier Mandalay Troopin'

Ford O'Kabul River Route-Marchin'

VOLUME III THE PHANTOM 'RICKSHAW AND OTHER GHOST STORIES

The Phantom 'Rickshaw My Own True Ghost Story The Strange Ride of Morrowbie Jukes The Man Who Would Be King "The Finest Story in The World"

VOLUME IV UNDER THE DEODARS

The Education of Otis Yeere At the Pit's Mouth A Wayside Comedy The Hill of Illusion A Second-rate Woman Only a Subaltern In the Matter of a Private The Enlightenments of Pagett. M. P.

VOLUME V PLAIN TALES FROM THE HILLS

Lispeth Three And-an Extra Thrown Away Miss Voughal's Sais "Yoked With an Unbeliever" False Dawn The Rescue of Pluffles Cupid's Arrows His Chance in Life Watches of The Night The Other Man Consequences The Conversion of Aurellan McGoggin A Germ-destroyer Kidnapped The Arrest of Lieutenant Golightly In The House of Suddhoo His Wedded Wife The Broken-link Handicap Bevond The Pale In Error A Bank Fraud Tods' Amendment In The Pride of His Youth Pig The Rout of The White Hussars The Bronckhorst Divorce-case Venus Annodomini The Bisara of Pooree A Friend's Friend The Gate of The Hundred Sorrows The Story of Muhammad Din On The Strength of a Likeness Wressley of The Foreign Office By Word of Mouth To Fe Filed For Reference The Last Relief Bitters Neat Haunted Subalterns

VOLUME VI THE LIGHT THAT FAILED

VOLUME VII THE STORY OF THE GADSBYS

Preface Poor Dear Mamma The World Without The Tents of Kedar With Any Amazement The Garden of Eden Fatima The Valley of the Shadow The Swelling of Jordan

VOLUME VIII from MINE OWN PEOPLE

Bimi Namgay Doola The Recrudescence Of Imray Moti Guj-Mutineer

VOLUME I DEPARTMENTAL DITTIES AND OTHER VERSES

I have eaten your bread and salt, I have drunk your water and wine, The deaths ye died I have watched be-side, And the lives that ye led were mine.

Was there aught that I did not share In vigil or toil or ease,- One joy or woe that I did not know, Dear hearts across the seas?

I have written the tale of our life For a sheltered people's mirth, In jesting guise-but ye are wise, And ye know what the jest is worth.

GENERAL SUMMARY

WE are very slightly changed From the semi-apes who ranged India's prehistoric clay; Whoso drew the longest bow, Ran his brother down, you know, As we run men down to-day.

"Dowb," the first of all his race, Met the Mammoth face to face On the lake or in the cave, Stole the steadiest canoe, Ate the quarry others slew, Died-and took the finest grave.

When they scratched the reindeer-bone. Some one made the sketch his own, Filched it from the artist-then, Even in those early days, Won a simple Viceroy's praise Through the toil of other men.

Ere they hewed the Sphinx's visage Favoritism governed kissage, Even as it does in this age.

Wbo shall doubt the secret hid Under Cheops' pyramid Was that the contractor did Cheops out of several millions? Or that Joseph's sudden rise To Comptroller of Supplies Was a fraud of monstrous size On King Pharoab's swart Civilians?

Thus, the artless songs I sing Do not deal with anything New or never said before.

As it was in the beginning, Is to-day official sinning, And shall be forevermore.

ARMY HEADQUARTERS

Old is the song that I sing- Old as my unpaid bills- Old as the chicken that kitmutgars bring Men at dik-bungalows-old as the Hills.

AHASUERUS JENKINS of the "Operatic Own" Was dowered with a tenor voice of super-Santley tone.

His views on equitation were, perhaps, a trifle queer; He had no seat worth mentioning, but oh! he had an ear.

He clubbed his wretched company a dozen times a day, He used to quit his charger in a parabolic way, His method of saluting was the joy of all beholders, But Ahasuerus Jenkins had a head upon his shoulders.

He took two months to Simla when the year was at the spring, And underneath the deodars eternally did sing.

He warbled like a bulbul, but particularly at Cornelia Agrippina who was musical and fat.

She controlled a humble husband, who, in turn, controlled a Dept., Where Cornelia Agrippina's human singing-birds were kept From April to October on a plump retaining fee, Supplied, of course, per mensem, by the Indian Treasury.

Comelia used to sing with him, and Jenkins used to play; He praised unblushingly her notes, for he was false as they: So when the winds of April turned the budding roses brown, Cornelia told her husband: 'Tom, you mustn't send him down."

They haled him from his regiment which didn't much regret him; They found for him an office-stool, and on that stool they set him, To play with maps and catalogues three idle hours a day, And draw his plump retaining fee-which means his double pay.

Now, ever after dinner, when the coffeecups are brought, Ahasuerus waileth o'er the grand pianoforte; And, thanks to fair Cornelia, his fame hath waxen great, And Ahasuerus Jenkins is a power in the State.

STUDY OF AN ELEVATION, IN INDIAN INK

This ditty is a string of lies. But-how the deuce did Gubbins rise?

POTIPHAR GUBBINS, C. E., Stands at the top of the tree; And I muse in my bed on the reasons that led To the hoisting of Potiphar G.

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., Is seven years junior to Me; Each bridge that he makes he either buckles or breaks, And his work is as rough as he.

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., Is coarse as a chimpanzee; And I can't understand why you gave him your hand, Lovely Mehitabel Lee.

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., Is dear to the Powers that Be; For They bow and They smile in an affable style Which is seldom accorded to Me.

Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., Is certain as certain can be Of a highly-paid post which is claimed by a host Of seniors-including Me.

Careless and lazy is he, Greatly inferior to Me.

What is the spell that you manage so well, Commonplace Potiphar G.?

Lovely Mehitabel Lee.

Let me inquire of thee, Should I have riz to what Potiphar is, Hadst thou been mated to me?

A Legend

This is the reason why Rustum Beg, Rajah of Kolazai, Drinketh the "simpkin" and brandy peg, Maketh the money to fly, Vexeth a Government, tender and kind, Also-but this is a detail-blind.

RUSTUM BEG of Kolazai-slightly back-ward native state Lusted for a C. S. I.,-so began to sanitate.

Built a Jail and Hospital-nearly built a City drain- Till his faithful subjects all thought their Ruler was insane.

Strange departures made he then-yea, Departments stranger still, Half a dozen Englishmen helped the Rajah with a will, Talked of noble aims and high, hinted of a future fine For the state of Kolazai, on a strictly Western line.

Rajab Rustum held his peace; lowered octroi dues a half; Organized a State Police; purified the. Civil Staff; Settled cess and tax afresh in a very liberal way; Cuttemptations of the flesh-also cut the Bukhshi's pay;

Roused his Secretariat to a fine Mahratta fury, Bya Hookum hinting at supervision of dasturi; Turned the State of Kolazai very nearly upside-down; When the end of May was nigh, waited his achievement crown.

When the Birthday Honors came. Sad to state and sad to see, Stood against the Rajah's name nothing more than C. I.