I still think it’s serious, but I don’t want to exaggerate it as much as you do. I find the whole thing strange too. The idea of the irrational, of the imaginary, of lines that are parallel and intersect in infinity - somewhere or other - excites me. When I think about it I’m dazed, speechless.’ Törless leaned forward, right into the shadow, and his voice was quietly muffled as he spoke. ‘Before, everything was so clearly and distinctly ordered; but now it’s as though my thoughts are like clouds, and when I come to particular points there’s something like a hole in between and you can see through it into an infinite, indefinable expanse. Mathematics must be right; but what is it about my head, and what about all the others? Don’t they feel it at all? How do they picture it? Not at all?’

‘I think you could see it in your maths master. Look — if you happen upon something like that, you immediately look around and ask, how does that relate to everything else in me? They’ve drilled a path in a thousand curlicues through their brains, like the inside of a snail shell, and they can only see back as far as the next corner, whether the thread they’re spinning behind them still holds or not. That’s why you confuse them with your questions. None of them can find his way back. How can you say, by the way, that I’m exaggerating? These grown-ups and clever people have completely spun themselves into a web, one stitch supporting the next, so that the whole miracle looks entirely natural; but no one knows where the first stitch is, the one that holds everything up.

‘We two have never spoken so seriously about it before, one doesn’t like to talk at length about such things, but now you can see the weakness of the vision with which people are satisfied to see the world. It’s a deception, it’s a trick, it’s nonsense! Anaemia! Because their understanding is only sufficient to come up with their scientific explanation out of their own heads, but once outside the head it freezes to death, do you see? Ha ha! All of those points, those extremities that our teachers tell us are so delicate that we can’t touch them yet, are dead - frozen - do you understand? Those much-admired points of ice are freezing all around us, and they’re so lifeless that no one can do a thing with them!’

Törless had been leaning back for some time. Beineberg’s hot breath was caught by the coats and warmed the corner. But as he always did when he was excited, Beineberg embarrassed Törless. Even now, as he leaned forward again, so close that his eyes were motionless before Törless, like two greenish stones, while his hands jerked back and forth in the semi-darkness with a curiously ugly rapidity.

‘All their claims are uncertain. Everything happens quite naturally, they say - if a stone falls, that’s gravity, but why shouldn’t it be the will of God, and why shouldn’t someone who feels like it be released from sharing the fate of the stone? But what am I doing talking to you about such things? You’ll only ever be half-way there! Finding something a bit strange, shaking your head a bit, being a bit shocked - that’s your way; you don’t dare go beyond it. That, incidentally, isn’t to my disadvantage.’

‘But it is to mine? Your assertions aren’t all that certain, either.’

‘How can you say that! They’re the only certainties. Why should I quarrel with you over it? You’ll see, my dear Törless; I’d even be willing to bet that you’ll be incredibly interested in the explanation we find for them. For example, when we get Basini where we — ’

‘Please, that’s enough,’ Törless interrupted him, ‘I don’t want to get involved with that right now.’

‘Oh, why not?’

‘I just don’t. I don’t like it. Basini and the other thing are two different things for me; and I don’t usually cook two things in the same pot.’

Beineberg twisted his mouth at this unfamiliar resoluteness, even brutality, on the part of his younger schoolmate. But Törless felt that the mere fact of naming Basini had undermined his whole certainty, and he spoke in annoyance to hide that. ‘You are asserting things with a certainty that is almost crazy. Don’t you think your theories might be built on sand just like the others? The curlicues in your brain are even more stubborn and obscure than the ones you were just describing, and they presuppose much more goodwill on the listener’s part.’

Curiously, Beineberg didn’t become angry; he only smiled - although his smile was a little twisted, and his eyes sparkled with twice as much unease - and went on at once, ‘You’ll see, you’ll see.’

‘What will I see? And, my God, I’ll just see; but I’m really not that interested, Beineberg! You don’t understand me. You have no idea what interests me. If mathematics torments me, and if-’ but he thought about it quickly and said nothing about Basini, ‘if mathematics torments me, you and I are looking for completely different things behind it. I’m not looking for anything supernatural, it’s the natural that I’m looking for — do you understand? Nothing outside of myself - I’m looking for something ... within myself! Something natural! But something I still don’t understand! But you don’t feel that any more than that maths chap does ... oh, just lay off me with your speculation for a while!’

Törless was trembling with excitement when he stood up.

And immediately Beineberg repeated, ‘Well, we’ll see, we’ll see ...’

 

When Törless lay in bed that evening he couldn’t get to sleep. The quarter-hours crept from his bed like nurses, his feet were icy cold, and the covers pressed down on him rather than keeping him warm.

The only sound in the dormitory was the quiet and even breathing of the pupils, who, after the hard work of lessons, gymnastics and running in the open air, had found healthy, animal sleep.

Törless listened to the breath of the sleeping boys. That was Beineberg’s breath, that was Reiting’s, that Basini’s; which? He didn’t know; but one of the many, all even, peaceful, secure, rising and sinking like a great machine.

One of the linen curtains had only rolled down to half-height; beneath it the bright night gleamed in and drew a pale, motionless rectangle on the floor.