Diary of a Drug Fiend

TO ALOSTRAEL
Virgin Guardian of the Sangraal in the
Abbey of Thelema in "Telepylus," and to

ASTARTE LULU PANTHEA

its youngest member, I dedicate this story
of its Herculean labours toward releasing
Mankind from every form of bondage.
PREFACE

This is a true story.

 

It has been rewritten only so far as was necessary to conceal personalities.

 

It is a terrible story ; but it is also a story of hope and of beauty.

 

It reveals with startling clearness the abyss on which our civilisation trembles.

 

But the self-same Light illuminates the path of humanity: it is our own fault if we go over the brink.

This story is also true not only of one kind of human weakness, but (by analogy) of all kinds; and for all alike there is but one way of salvation.

As Glanvil says: Man is not subjected to the angels, nor even unto death utterly, save through the weakness of his own feeble will.

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

 

- ALEISTER CROWLEY.

 

CONTENTS

BOOK I-PARADISO CH. PAGE
I. A KNIGHT OUT 3
II. OVER THE TOP! 20
III. PHAETON 37
IV. AU PAYS DE COCAINE 46
V. A HEROIN HEROINE 63
VI. THE GLITTER ON THE SNOW 76 VII. THE WINGS OF THE OOF-BIRD 95 VIII. VEDERE NAPOLI E POI-PRO PATRIA-MORI 102 IX. THE GATTO FRITTO 115
X. THE BUBBLE BURSTS 128

BOOK II-INFERNO

I. SHORT COMMONS 143 II. INDIAN SUMMER 162 III. THE GRINDING OF THE BRAKES 175 IV. BELOW THE BRUTES 192 V. TOWARDS MADNESS 205 VI. COLD TURKEY 220 VII. THE FINAL PLUNGE 235

BOOK III-PURGATORIO

I, KING LAMUS INTERVENES 247 II. FIRST AID 262
III. THE VOICE OF VIRTUE 280 IV. OUT OF HARM'S WAY 297 V. AT TELEPYLUS 315 VI. THE TRUE WILL 333 VII. LOVE UNDER WILL 348

THE DIARY OF A DRUG FIEND

 

BOOK I

 

PARADISO

 

CHAPTER I

 

A KNIGHT OUT

Yes, I certainly was feeling depressed. I don't think that this was altogether the reaction of the day. Of course, there always is a reaction after the excitement of a flight ; but the effect is more physical than moral. One doesn't talk. One lies about and smokes and drinks champagne.

No, I was feeling quite a different kind of rotten.