When I was alone I decided to occupy myself with public affairs. I discovered that China and Spain were one and the same country, and if they are still considered to be different countries this is only due to sheer ignorance. I recommend anyone to try to write Spain on a bit of paper, and he will find that he has written China. But I was particularly worried by an event that was due to happen to-morrow. To-morrow at seven o’clock a strange phenomenon will occur: the Earth will fall on the Moon. The celebrated English scientist, Wellington, affirms this in his writings too. To tell the truth, I felt some anxiety when I visualized the extraordinary brittleness and tenderness of the Moon. The Moon, you will have heard, is made in Hamburg, and very badly made too. I am surprised that England hasn’t seen to that. It was made by a lame cooper, and one sees at once that the fool had not the slightest notion of the way moons are made. He put in tarred cord and one part of olive oil; and that has produced such a fearful stench all over the Earth that one has to hold one’s nose. And that, too, is the reason why the Moon is such a tender sphere that human beings can’t live there, so it is only inhabited by noses. And that is the reason why we can’t see our own noses, because they are all in the Moon. And when I reflected that the Earth is a heavy substance and that its pressure would grind our noses to powder, I was overcome with such anxiety that I put on my shoes and stockings and hastened to the Council Room to give orders to the police to prevent the Earth from falling on the Moon. The shaven grandees, whom I found in great numbers in the Council Room, were very intelligent people, and when I said: “Gentlemen, we must save the Moon, because the Earth is trying to fall on it!” they all rushed to carry out my royal desire, and many of them began climbing the walls to try to reach the Moon; but at that moment the High Chancellor entered. At the sight of him the grandees dispersed. I as King remained alone. But to my astonishment the Chancellor struck me with his stick, and drove me back to my room. Such is the power of ancient customs in Spain!

JANUARY OF THE SAME YEAR WHICH HAPPENED AFTER FEBRUARIUS

I AM still unable to understand this country of Spain. The national customs and the court etiquette are quite unusual. I don’t understand them at all, at all. To-day they shaved my head, although I cried at the top of my voice that I had no intention of becoming a monk. But what became of me when they began dripping cold water on the crown of my head—I simply can’t endure the thought of it. I have never endured such hell. I was almost frantic with rage so that they had difficulty in holding me. I can’t see the meaning of this singular usage. It is stupid, meaningless! The folly of the kings who have not abolished it to this day is inconceivable. Considering all the circumstances, I am beginning to realize that I have fallen into the hands of the Inquisition, and that the man I first took to be the High Chancellor is in fact the Grand Inquisitor. Only I don’t see how a king can be subject to the Inquisition. Of course, France may have had a hand in it, and especially Polignac. Oh that rascal Polignac! He has sworn to harm me to my death.