That is impossible. Only a king can sit on
a throne. They say that there is no king there, but that is not
possible. There cannot be a kingdom without a king. There must be a
king, but he is hidden away somewhere. Perhaps he is actually on
the spot, and only some domestic complications, or fears of the
neighbouring Powers, France and other countries, compel him to
remain in concealment; there might also be other reasons.
December 8th.
I was nearly going to the office, but various considerations
kept me from doing so. I keep on thinking about these Spanish
affairs. How is it possible that a woman should reign? It would not
be allowed, especially by
England. In the rest of Europe the political situation is also
critical; the Emperor of Austria——
These events, to tell the truth, have so shaken and shattered
me, that I could really do nothing all day. Mawra told me that I
was very absent-minded at table. In fact, in my absent-mindedness I
threw two plates on the ground so that they broke in pieces.
After dinner I felt weak, and did not feel up to making
abstracts of reports. I lay most of the time on my bed, and thought
of the Spanish affairs.
The year 2000: April 43rd.
To-day is a day of splendid triumph. Spain has a king; he has
been found, and I am he. I discovered it to-day; all of a sudden it
came upon me like a flash of lightning.
I do not understand how I could imagine that I am a titular
councillor. How could such a foolish idea enter my head? It was
fortunate that it occurred to no one to shut me up in an asylum.
Now it is all clear, and as plain as a pikestaff. Formerly—I don't
know why—everything seemed veiled in a kind of mist. That is, I
believe, because people think that the human brain is in the head.
Nothing of the sort; it is carried by the wind from the Caspian
Sea.
For the first time I told
Mawra who I am. When she learned that the king of Spain stood
before her, she struck her hands together over her head, and nearly
died of alarm. The stupid thing had never seen the king of Spain
before!
I comforted her, however, at once by assuring her that I was not
angry with her for having hitherto cleaned my boots badly. Women
are stupid things; one cannot interest them in lofty subjects. She
was frightened because she thought all kings of Spain were like
Philip II. But I explained to her that there was a great
difference between me and him. I did not go to the office. Why the
deuce should I? No, my dear friends, you won't get me there again!
I am not going to worry myself with your infernal documents any
more.
Marchember 86. Between day and
night.
To-day the office-messenger came and summoned me, as I had not
been there for three weeks. I went just for the fun of the thing.
The chief clerk thought I would bow humbly before him, and make
excuses; but I looked at him quite indifferently, neither angrily
nor mildly, and sat down quietly at my place as though I noticed no
one. I looked at all this rabble of scribblers, and thought, “If
you only knew who is sitting among you! Good heavens! what a to-do
you would make. Even the
chief clerk would bow himself to the earth before me as he does now
before the director.”
A pile of reports was laid before me, of which to make
abstracts, but I did not touch them with one finger.
After a little time there was a commotion in the office, and
there a report went round that the director was coming. Many of the
clerks vied with each other to attract his notice; but I did not
stir. As he came through our room, each one hastily buttoned up his
coat; but I had no idea of doing anything of the sort.
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