Yes faith; and thou shouldst hope otherwise, I should repent me: this horn got me entrance, kiss it. I had no other way to get in, but by feigning to be a post; but when I got in once, I proved none, but rather the contrary, turned him into a post, or a stone, or what is stiffer, with thundering into him the incommodities of a wife and the miseries of marriage. If ever Gorgon were seen in the shape of a woman, he hath seen her in my description. I have put him off o' that scent for ever. Why do you not applaud, and adore me, sirs? Why stand you mute? Are you stupid? You are not worthy o' the benefit.

DAU. Did not I tell you? Mischief! ––

CLE. I would you had placed this benefit somewhere else.

TRU. Why so?

CLE. 'Slight, you have done the most inconsiderate, rash, weak thing, that ever man did to his friend.

DAU. Friend! If the most malicious enemy I have, had studied to inflict an injury upon me, it could not be a greater.

TRU. Wherein? For God's sake! Gentlemen: come to yourselves again.

DAU. But I presaged thus much afore, to you.

CLE. Would my lips had been soldered, when I spake on 't. 'Slight, what moved you to be thus impertinent?

TRU. My masters, do not put on this strange face to pay my courtesy: off with this visor. Have good turns done you, and thank 'em this way?

DAU. 'Fore heav'n, you have undone me. That, which I have plotted for, and been maturing now these four months, you have blasted in a minute: now I am lost, I may speak. This gentlewoman was lodged here by me o' purpose, and, to be put upon my uncle, hath professed this obstinate silence for my sake, being my entire friend; and one, that for the requital of such a fortune, as to marry him, would have made me very ample conditions: where now, all my hopes are utterly miscarried by this unlucky accident.

CLE. Thus 'tis, when a man will be ignorantly officious; do services, and not know his why: I wonder what courteous itch possessed you! You never did absurder part i' your life, nor a greater trespass to friendship, to humanity.

DAU. Faith, you may forgive it, best: 'twas your cause principally.

CLE. I know it, would it had not.

 

Enter Cutbeard

 

DAU. How now, Cutbeard? What news?

CUT. The best, the happiest that ever was, sir. There has been a mad gentleman with your uncle this morning (I think this be the gentleman) that has almost talked him out of his wits, with threatening him from marriage ––

DAU. On, I pray thee.

CUT. And your uncle, sir, he thinks 'twas done by your procurement; therefore he will see the party you wot of presently: and if he like her, he says, and that she be so inclining to dumb, as I have told him, he swears he will marry her, today, instantly, and not defer it a minute longer.

DAU. Excellent! Beyond our expectation!

TRU. Beyond your expectation? By this light, I knew it would be thus.

DAU. Nay, sweet Truewit, forgive me.

TRU.