Then she is Captain Otter?

LA F. You say very well, sir; she is my kinswoman, a La Fool by the mother side, and will invite any great ladies for my sake.

DAU. Not of the La Fools of Essex?

LA F. No, sir, the La Fools of London.

CLE Aside. Now, he's in.

LA F. They all come out of our house, the La Fools o' the north, the La Fools of the west, the La Fools of the east, and south – we are as ancient a family, as any is in Europe – but I myself am descended lineally of the French La Fools – and we do bear for our coat Yellow or Or, chequered Azure and Gules, and some three or four colours more, which is a very noted coat, and has sometimes been solemnly worn by divers nobility of our house – but let that go, antiquity is not respected now – I had a brace of fat does sent me, gentlemen, and half a dozen of pheasants, a dozen or two of godwits, and some other fowl, which I would have eaten while they are good, and in good company – there will be a great lady, or two, my Lady Haughty, my Lady Centaur, Mistress Dol Mavis – and they come a' purpose, to see the silent gentlewoman, Mistress Epicoene, that honest Sir John Daw has promised to bring thither – and then, Mistress Trusty, my lady's woman, will be there too, and this honourable knight, Sir Dauphine, with yourself, Master Clerimont – and we'll be very merry, and have fiddlers and dance – I have been a mad wag in my time, and have spent some crowns since I was a page in court, to my Lord Lofty, and after, my lady's gentleman-usher, who got me knighted in Ireland, since it pleased my elder brother to die – I had as fair a gold jerkin on that day as any was worn in the Island voyage, or at Cadiz, none dispraised, and I came over in it hither, showed myself to my friends in court, and after went down to my tenants in the country, and surveyed my lands, let new leases, took their money, spent it in the eye o' the land here upon ladies – and now I can take up at my pleasure.

DAU. Can you take up ladies, sir?

CLE. Oh, let him breathe, he has not recovered.

DAU. Would I were your half, in that commodity –

LA F. No, sir, excuse me: I meant money, which can take up anything. I have another guest or two to invite, and say as much to, gentlemen. I'll take my leave abruptly, in hope you will not fail – Your servant.

 

Exit

 

DAU. We will not fail you, sir precious La Fool; but she shall, that your ladies come to see: if I have credit, afore Sir Daw.

CLE. Did you ever hear such a wind-fucker as this?

DAU. Or such a rook, as the other! That will betray his mistress, to be seen. Come, 'tis time we prevented it.

CLE. Go.

 

Exeunt

 

 

Act II

Scene 1

Morose's house

 

Enter Morose, Mute

 

MOR. Cannot I yet find out a more compendious method, than by this trunk, to save my servants the labour of speech, and mine ears the discord of sounds? Let me see: all discourses but mine own afflict me; they seem harsh, impertinent, and irksome. Is it not possible that thou shouldst answer me by signs and I apprehend thee, fellow? Speak not, though I question you. You have taken the ring off from the street door, as I bade you? Answer me not by speech, but by silence; unless it be otherwise (––) very good. And you have fastened on a thick quilt, or flock-bed, on the outside of the door; that if they knock with their daggers or with brick-bats, they can make no noise? But with your leg, your answer, unless it be otherwise (––) very good. At the breaches, still the fellow makes legs, or signs. This is not only fit modesty in a servant, but good state and discretion in a master. And you have been with Cutbeard, the barber, to have him come to me? (––) Good. And he will come presently? Answer me not but with your leg, unless it be otherwise: if it be otherwise, shake your head, or shrug (––) so. Your Italian and Spaniard are wise in these! And it is a frugal and comely gravity. How long will it be, ere Cutbeard come? Stay, if an hour, hold up your whole hand; if half an hour, two fingers; if a quarter, one; (––) Good: half a quarter? 'Tis well. And have you given him a key, to come in without knocking? (––) Good. And is the lock oiled, and the hinges today? (––) Good. And the quilting of the stairs nowhere worn out, and bare? (––) Very good.