It weren’t a fearful call, more like a teasin’ one. I sighed and backtracked a hundred yards to their wagon.

“What’s wrong?” I said.

“Can I ride with you?” Gentry said.

“Wouldn’t be right to make Major carry two, less it was an emergency.”

“But I’m so bored!”

“We’ve got room for you in the wagon, Emmett,” Scarlett said, which set all the girls to titterin’.

Gentry’s yellow poulticed face lit up. “Please Emmett?” she coaxed.

I hate wagon ridin’.

It’s bumpy and slow and hurts my back and neck somethin’ fierce.

But I didn’t want Gentry to feel she’d given her considerable charms last night to an ingrate.

“Maybe I will,” I said.

We stopped the wagon Scarlett was drivin’, and I tied Major to the back of it and climbed in and sat beside Gentry. When I got settled, she kissed my cheek. It weren’t a pleasurable kiss, due to the stench comin’ off the poultice, which smelled like wet goat hair and rotten fish.

Mary said, “There ain’t nothin’ worse than a schoolgirl’s crush on a cowboy.”

By the time we traveled fifty feet I had to shift my position in the wagon twice, which prompted Mary to ask if I had somehow caught the crabs recently.

Gentry stiffened.

Before things came to blows, Scarlett said, “Anyone know a good joke?”

Hester said, “I do.”

“Tell it then,” I said.

“Ever hear about the whore house for women with no legs?”

“Nope,” I said.

“You ought to check it out.” 

“Why’s that?”

“I hear the place is crawling with pussy!”

“Oh Lord!” I said.

Emma fondled her breasts and said, “Let’s play that question game with Emmett.”

“Sounds like fun,” I said, noticin’ Gentry’s eyes were still smolderin’ over Mary’s insult. “But don’t start with me, since I never played before.”

“We’ll ask you last, then,” Leah said.

I was grateful for the skillful way these women could change a subject so quickly. I guessed they probably had to develop that talent to keep cowboys from killin’ each other when they come to town spoilin’ for a fight.

My thoughts got interrupted when one of the wagon wheels hit a partic’larly large rock. I gritted my teeth and winced. Figured I’d bide my time an hour or so, then make up some excuse to get off this hell wagon.

The girls asked each other one crazy question after another, most of which involved fornication, and I was glad Phoebe was ridin’ in the supply wagon with Rose, and couldn’t hear ’em. Their answers seemed impossible, but no less believable than the stories I’ve heard Rose tell. When they got to me, Mary said, “Okay, Emmett. What’s the most peculiar thing you ever saw?”

Everyone turned to me. Even Scarlett, who was busy drivin’ the oxen.

“Well, I don’t rightly know how to answer that,” I said. “What I think is peculiar might not raise your eyebrow.”

“C’mon, Emmett, Hester said. “I told you about the two-headed turkey and the dancin’ bear.”

“And a helluva story it was!” I said.

“Then tell us yours. What’s the strangest but true thing you ever saw?”

“Well, don’t know if it’s the strangest, but it’s true enough.”

They waited for me to continue. I sighed and gave it up.

“Five years ago Jimmy Bass shit a live fish.”

“What?” Emma said.

“Are you serious?” Leah said.

Gentry clapped her hands and squealed with laughter.

Scarlett’s face was full of doubt.

“It’s true,” I said. “We were halfway across Kansas at the time, and there weren’t a lake or river within fifty miles. Still, Jimmy squatted to shit and a fish came out.”

“A live one?” Gentry said.

“Live as any fish you’d catch in a creek. Flappin’ around in the dirt, jumpin’ up five or six inches in the air and wigglin’ about.”

“And his name was Jimmy Bass?” Scarlett said.

“Coincidence, ain’t it?” I said.

“Too much so,” she said. She rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the trail.

“You actually saw it come out?” Mary said.

“Well, I weren’t watchin’ him do his business, but when he screamed, I come runnin’ and couldn’t help but notice half a fish stickin’ out his ass. He grunted and pushed, and then the fish hit the ground and started flip-floppin’.”

The girls laughed ’til Emma said, “Which end of the fish came out first?”

“The tail.”

“Was it wigglin’?”

I nodded. “Like a toddler in church.”

Scarlett turned around again to face me.

“How big was it?” she said.

“About six inches.