The air of
those rooms was saturated with the fine bouquet of a silence so
nourishing, so succulent that I could not enter them without a sort
of greedy enjoyment, particularly on those first mornings, chilly
still, of the Easter holidays, when I could taste it more fully,
because I had just arrived then at Combray: before I went in to
wish my aunt good day I would be kept waiting a little time in the
outer room, where the sun, a wintry sun still, had crept in to warm
itself before the fire, lighted already between its two brick sides
and plastering all the room and everything in it with a smell of
soot, making the room like one of those great open hearths which
one finds in the country, or one of the canopied mantelpieces in
old castles under which one sits hoping that in the world outside
it is raining or snowing, hoping almost for a catastrophic deluge
to add the romance of shelter and security to the comfort of a snug
retreat; I would turn to and fro between the prayer-desk and the
stamped velvet armchairs, each one always draped in its crocheted
antimacassar, while the fire, baking like a pie the appetising
smells with which the air of the room, was thickly clotted, which
the dewy and sunny freshness of the morning had already 'raised'
and started to 'set,' puffed them and glazed them and fluted them
and swelled them into an invisible though not impalpable country
cake, an immense puff-pastry, in which, barely waiting to savour
the crustier, more delicate, more respectable, but also drier
smells of the cupboard, the chest-of-drawers, and the patterned
wall-paper I always returned with an unconfessed gluttony to bury
myself in the nondescript, resinous, dull, indigestible, and fruity
smell of the flowered quilt.
In the next room I could hear my aunt talking quietly to
herself. She never spoke save in low tones, because she believed
that there was something broken in her head and floating loose
there, which she might displace by talking too loud; but she never
remained for long, even when alone, without saying something,
because she believed that it was good for her throat, and that by
keeping the blood there in circulation it would make less frequent
the chokings and other pains to which she was liable; besides, in
the life of complete inertia which she led she attached to the
least of her sensations an extraordinary importance, endowed them
with a Protean ubiquity which made it difficult for her to keep
them secret, and, failing a confidant to whom she might communicate
them, she used to promulgate them to herself in an unceasing
monologue which was her sole form of activity. Unfortunately,
having formed the habit of thinking aloud, she did not always take
care to see that there was no one in the adjoining room, and I
would often hear her saying to herself: "I must not forget that I
never slept a wink"—for "never sleeping a wink" was her great claim
to distinction, and one admitted and respected in our household
vocabulary; in the morning Françoise would not 'call' her, but
would simply 'come to' her; during the day, when my aunt wished to
take a nap, we used to say just that she wished to 'be quiet' or to
'rest'; and when in conversation she so far forgot herself as to
say "what made me wake up," or "I dreamed that," she would flush
and at once correct herself.
After waiting a minute, I would go in and kiss her; Françoise
would be making her tea; or, if my aunt were feeling 'upset,' she
would ask instead for her 'tisane,' and it would be my duty to
shake out of the chemist's little package on to a plate the amount
of lime-blossom required for infusion in boiling water. The drying
of the stems had twisted them into a fantastic trellis, in whose
intervals the pale flowers opened, as though a painter had arranged
them there, grouping them in the most decorative poses. The leaves,
which had lost or altered their own appearance, assumed those
instead of the most incongruous things imaginable, as though the
transparent wings of flies or the blank sides of labels or the
petals of roses had been collected and pounded, or interwoven as
birds weave the material for their nests. A thousand trifling
little details—the charming prodigality of the chemist—details
which would have been eliminated from an artificial preparation,
gave me, like a book in which one is astonished to read the name of
a person whom one knows, the pleasure of finding that these were
indeed real lime-blossoms, like those I had seen, when coming from
the train, in the Avenue de la Gare, altered, but only because they
were not imitations but the very same blossoms, which had grown
old. And as each new character is merely a metamorphosis from
something older, in these little grey balls I recognised green buds
plucked before their time; but beyond all else the rosy, moony,
tender glow which lit up the blossoms among the frail forest of
stems from which they hung like little golden roses—marking, as the
radiance upon an old wall still marks the place of a vanished
fresco, the difference between those parts of the tree which had
and those which had not been 'in bloom'—shewed me that these were
petals which, before their flowering-time, the chemist's package
had embalmed on warm evenings of spring. That rosy candlelight was
still their colour, but half-extinguished and deadened in the
diminished life which was now theirs, and which may be called the
twilight of a flower. Presently my aunt was able to dip in the
boiling infusion, in which she would relish the savour of dead or
faded blossom, a little madeleine, of which she would hold out a
piece to me when it was sufficiently soft.
At one side of her bed stood a big yellow chest-of-drawers of
lemon-wood, and a table which served at once as pharmacy and as
high altar, on which, beneath a statue of Our Lady and a bottle of
Vichy-Célestins, might be found her service-books and her medical
prescriptions, everything that she needed for the performance, in
bed, of her duties to soul and body, to keep the proper times for
pepsin and for vespers. On the other side her bed was bounded by
the window: she had the street beneath her eyes, and would read in
it from morning to night to divert the tedium of her life, like a
Persian prince, the daily but immemorial chronicles of Combray,
which she would discuss in detail afterwards with Françoise.
I would not have been five minutes with my aunt before she would
send me away in case I made her tired. She would hold out for me to
kiss her sad brow, pale and lifeless, on which at this early hour
she would not yet have arranged the false hair and through which
the bones shone like the points of a crown of thorns—or the beads
of a rosary, and she would say to me: "Now, my poor child, you must
go away; go and get ready for mass; and if you see Françoise
downstairs, tell her not to stay too long amusing herself with you;
she must come up soon to see if I want anything."
Françoise, who had been for many years in my aunt's service and
did not at that time suspect that she would one day be transferred
entirely to ours, was a little inclined to desert my aunt during
the months which we spent in her house. There had been in my
infancy, before we first went to Combray, and when my aunt Léonie
used still to spend the winter in Paris with her mother, a time
when I knew Françoise so little that on New Year's Day, before
going into my great-aunt's house, my mother put a five-franc piece
in my hand and said: "Now, be careful. Don't make any mistake. Wait
until you hear me say 'Good morning, Françoise,' and I touch your
arm before you give it to her." No sooner had we arrived in my
aunt's dark hall than we saw in the gloom, beneath the frills of a
snowy cap as stiff and fragile as if it had been made of spun
sugar, the concentric waves of a smile of anticipatory gratitude.
It was Françoise, motionless and erect, framed in the small doorway
of the corridor like the statue of a saint in its niche. When we
had grown more accustomed to this religious darkness we could
discern in her features a disinterested love of all humanity,
blended with a tender respect for the 'upper classes' which raised
to the most honourable quarter of her heart the hope of receiving
her due reward. Mamma pinched my arm sharply and said in a loud
voice: "Good morning, Françoise." At this signal my fingers parted
and I let fall the coin, which found a receptacle in a confused but
outstretched hand. But since we had begun to go to Combray there
was no one I knew better than Françoise. We were her favourites,
and in the first years at least, while she shewed the same
consideration for us as for my aunt, she enjoyed us with a keener
relish, because we had, in addition to our dignity as part of 'the
family' (for she had for those invisible bonds by which community
of blood unites the members of a family as much respect as any
Greek tragedian), the fresh charm of not being her customary
employers. And so with what joy would she welcome us, with what
sorrow complain that the weather was still so bad for us, on the
day of our arrival, just before Easter, when there was often an icy
wind; while Mamma inquired after her daughter and her nephews, and
if her grandson was good-looking, and what they were going to make
of him, and whether he took after his granny.
Later, when no one else was in the room, Mamma, who knew that
Françoise was still mourning for her parents, who had been dead for
years, would speak of them kindly, asking her endless little
questions about them and their lives.
She had guessed that Françoise was not over-fond of her
son-in-law, and that he spoiled the pleasure she found in visiting
her daughter, as the two could not talk so freely when he was
there. And so one day, when Françoise was going to their house,
some miles from Combray, Mamma said to her, with a smile: "Tell me,
Françoise, if Julien has had to go away, and you have Marguerite to
yourself all day, you will be very sorry, but will make the best of
it, won't you?"
And Françoise answered, laughing: "Madame knows everything;
Madame is worse than the X-rays" (she pronounced 'x' with an
affectation of difficulty and with a smile in deprecation of her,
an unlettered woman's, daring to employ a scientific term) "they
brought here for Mme. Octave, which see what is in your heart"—and
she went off, disturbed that anyone should be caring about her,
perhaps anxious that we should not see her in tears: Mamma was the
first person who had given her the pleasure of feeling that her
peasant existence, with its simple joys and sorrows, might offer
some interest, might be a source of grief or pleasure to some one
other than herself.
My aunt resigned herself to doing without Françoise to some
extent during our visits, knowing how much my mother appreciated
the services of so active and intelligent a maid, one who looked as
smart at five o'clock in the morning in her kitchen, under a cap
whose stiff and dazzling frills seemed to be made of porcelain, as
when dressed for churchgoing; who did everything in the right way,
who toiled like a horse, whether she was well or ill, but without
noise, without the appearance of doing anything; the only one of my
aunt's maids who when Mamma asked for hot water or black coffee
would bring them actually boiling; she was one of those servants
who in a household seem least satisfactory, at first, to a
stranger, doubtless because they take no pains to make a conquest
of him and shew him no special attention, knowing very well that
they have no real need of him, that he will cease to be invited to
the house sooner than they will be dismissed from it; who, on the
other hand, cling with most fidelity to those masters and
mistresses who have tested and proved their real capacity, and do
not look for that superficial responsiveness, that slavish
affability, which may impress a stranger favourably, but often
conceals an utter barrenness of spirit in which no amount of
training can produce the least trace of individuality.
When Françoise, having seen that my parents had everything they
required, first went upstairs again to give my aunt her pepsin and
to find out from her what she would take for luncheon, very few
mornings pased but she was called upon to give an opinion, or to
furnish an explanation, in regard to some important event.
"Just fancy, Françoise, Mme. Goupil went by more than a quarter
of an hour late to fetch her sister: if she loses any more time on
the way I should not be at all surprised if she got in after the
Elevation."
"Well, there'd be nothing wonderful in that," would be the
answer. Or:
"Françoise, if you had come in five minutes ago, you would have
seen Mme. Imbert go past with some asparagus twice the size of what
mother Callot has: do try to find out from her cook where she got
them. You know you've been putting asparagus in all your sauces
this spring; you might be able to get some like these for our
visitors."
"I shouldn't be surprised if they came from the Curé's,"
Françoise would say, and:
"I'm sure you wouldn't, my poor Françoise," my aunt would reply,
raising her shoulders. "From the Curé's, indeed! You know quite
well that he can never grow anything but wretched little twigs of
asparagus, not asparagus at all. I tell you these ones were as
thick as my arm. Not your arm, of course, but my-poor arm, which
has grown so much thinner again this year." Or:
"Françoise, didn't you hear that bell just now! It split my
head."
"No, Mme. Octave."
"Ah, poor girl, your skull must be very thick; you may thank God
for that. It was Maguelone come to fetch Dr.
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