repeated) in a fit of Enthusiasm – over his Head goes poor Petraca, – Russian Leather and all!

He soon after started up, and said he must run – ‘Not yet!’ cried I. – He turned to me, and in mock Heroics cried – ‘ah! I will make your Heart ache! – you shall sigh –’

He then went out of the study, followed by my Father, and he took a survey of the Books in the Library. – Charlotte and I soon joined them – he called Charlotte his little Dimpling Queen – ‘See, how she follows me with her blushes! – and here comes another with her smiles – (to me) ay – I see how it is! all the House in Love with me! – here is one (to Charlotte) whose love is in the Bud – and here (to me) here it is in blow: – and now, (to my Father) I must go to one whose is full blown – full blown, egad!’

He would not be prevailed with to lengthen his visit – we all followed him instinctively down stairs – though he assured us he would not pilfer any thing! ‘Here is a certain maid here,’7 said he, ‘whom I love to speak to, because she is Cross; – Egad, Sir, she does not know the great Roscius!8 – but I frightened her this morning a little: – Child, said I, – you don’t know who you have the happiness to speak to! – do you know I am one of the first Genius’s of the Age? – Why, Child, you would faint away if you knew who I am!’

In this sportive manner he continued till the Door was shut. He is sensible that we all doat on him – but I believe it is the same thing where ever he goes, except where he has had a personal Quarrel, which I am sorry to hear is frequently the case with those who have been his best friends.

He promised he would often Call in the same sort of way, to plague us; we assured him we would freely forgive him if he did. In truth, I desire no better Entertainment than his Company affords.

30. From Journal May–June 1775

May 8th

This month is Called a tender one – It has proved so to me – – but not in me – I have not breathed one sigh, – felt one sensation, – or uttered one folly the more for the softness of the season. – However – I have met with a youth whose Heart, if he is to be Credited, has been less guarded – indeed it has yielded itself so suddenly, that had it been in any other month – I should not have known how to have accounted for so easy a Conquest.

The First Day of this month I Drank Tea and spent the Evening at Mr Burney’s, at the request of my sister [Esther], to meet a very stupid Family, which she told me it would be Charity to herself to give my Time to.

This Family consisted of Mrs O’Connor, and her Daughter, by a first marriage, Miss Dickenson, who, poor Creature, has the misfortune to be both Deaf and Dumb. They are very old acquaintances of my Grandmother Burney, to oblige whom my sister Invited them. My Grandmother and 2 aunts1 therefore were of the Party: – as was, also, Mr Barlow,2 a young man who has lived and Boarded with Mrs O’Connor for about 2 years.

Mr Barlow is short but rather handsome, he is a very well bred, good tempered and sensible young man, and he is highly spoken of, both for Disposition and morals. He has Read more than he has Conversed, and seems to know but little of the World; his Language therefore is stiff and uncommon, and seems laboured, if not affected – he has a great desire to please, but no elegance of manners; niether, though he may be very worthy, is he at all agreeable.

Unfortunately, however, he happened to be prodigiously Civil to me, and though I have met with much more gallantry occasionally, yet I could not but observe a seriousness of attention much more expressive than Complimenting.

As my sister knew not well how to wile away the Time, somebody proposed, after supper, a round of Cross Questions. This was agreed to. Mr Barlow, who sat next to me, took near half an Hour to settle what he should ask me, – and at last his question was – ‘what I thought most necessary in Love?’ I answered, Constancy, I hope, for his own sake, he will not remember this answer long, though he readily subscribed to it at the Time.

The Coach came for me about Eleven. I rose to go. He earnestly entreated me to stay only 2 minutes. I did not, however, think such compliance at all requisite, and therefore only begged to set my Grandmother down in my way. The Party then broke up. Mrs O’Connor began an urgent Invitation to all present to return the visit the next Week. Mr Barlow, who followed me, repeated it very pressingly, to me, hoping I would make one. I promised that I would.

When we had all taken leave of our Host and Hostess, – my Grandmother, according to custom, gave me a kiss and her blessing. I would fain have eluded my aunts, as Nothing can be so disagreeable as kissing before young men; however, they chose it should go round; and after them, Mrs O’Connor also saluted me, as did her Daughter, desiring to be better Acquainted with me. This disagreeable Ceremony over, Mr Barlow, came up to me, and making an apology which, not suspecting his intention, I did not understand, – he gave me a most ardent salute! I have seldom been more surprised. I had no idea of his taking such a freedom. However, I have told my friends that for the future I will not chuse to lead, or have led, so contagious an Example. I wonder so modest a man could dare to be so bold.

He came down stairs with us, and waited at the Door, I believe, till the Coach was out of sight.

Four Days after this meeting, my mother and Mrs Young3 happened to be in the Parlour, when I received a Letter which from the strong resemblance of the Hand writing in the direction to that of Mr Crisp, I immediately opened and thought came from Chesington. But what was my surprise, to see Madam, at the beginning, and at the Conclusion

your sincere Admirer and

very humble servant Thomas Barlow

I Read it 3 or 4 Times before I could credit my Eyes. An Acquaintance so short, and a procedure so hasty astonished me. It is a most tender Epistle and contains a passionate Declaration of Attachment, hinting at hopes of a return, and so forth.

I took not a moment to deliberate. – I felt that my Heart was totally insensible – and felt that I could never Consent to unite myself to a man who I did not very highly value.

However, as I do not consider myself as an independant member of society, and as I knew I could depend upon my Father’s kindness, I thought it incumbent upon me to act with his Concurrence. I therefore, at Night, before I sent an answer, shewed him the Letter. He asked me a great many Questions – I assured him that forming a Connection without attachment – (and that I was totally indifferent to the Youth in Question) was what I could never think of.