When it comes to newspapers, he loves editorials and is not above editorializing. The readers’ page of humorous magazines was expressly invented for him. He is constant in his inconstancy. In the government, he is an official for special matters or the like. If he is an instructor, he instructs literature. He will rarely work his way up to the rank of state councilor, but if he should reach that highest of ranks in our civil service he turns into a phlegmatic man, sometimes even a choleric one. Freeloaders, crooks, and beer-swillers are sanguine individuals. Sleeping in the same room as the sanguine man is not to be recommended as he will tell jokes all night, and, when he has run out of jokes, will begin criticizing his friends or telling lies. He succumbs to illnesses of the digestive system and premature exhaustion.

The sanguine woman is quite bearable, so long as she is not a fool.

The Choleric Man. He is bilious and sports a sallow complexion. His nose is somewhat crooked, and his eyes circle in their sockets like hungry wolves in cramped cages. He is irritable. Bitten by a flea or pricked by a needle, he is ready to blow the world to kingdom come. Every time he speaks it is with a spray of spittle, and he bares teeth that are either brown or very white. He is convinced that it is always “cold as hell” in winter and “hot as hell” in summer. He hires and fires cooks every week. When he dines, he complains that everything is either overcooked or too salty. Most choleric men are bachelors, but if they do marry they keep their wives under lock and key. He is jealous as the devil. He has no sense of humor, and everything annoys him. He only reads newspapers so he can swear at journalists—when still in his mother’s womb, he was already convinced that all newspapers lie. As a husband or friend he is unbearable; as a subordinate, obsequious; as a boss, insufferable and in everyone’s way. More often than not, unfortunately, he is a pedagogue, teaching mathematics and ancient Greek. I do not advocate sleeping in the same room with him, as he will cough and spit all night and swear loudly at the fleas. If he hears a hen cackling or a cock crowing in the middle of the night he will clear his throat, and, in a rasping voice, call for his servant to climb onto the roof, seize the creature, and wring its damned neck. He dies of a lung or liver ailment.

The choleric woman is a devil in a dress, a crocodile.

The Phlegmatic Man.