We all began to eat and talk gaily. I was happy and contented although the fried cakes tasted of cloves and lard and made me feel slightly sick.

Evening school had begun by the time we got back, so Mr. Williams had to write an explanation for each of us to take to our form masters.

“Unavoidably detained at the Duke’s,” was what he wrote for me. As I went through the cloisters I wondered what Ward would think about it.

His eyes lit up and became more questioning still.

“What does this mean, Welch?”

“Mr. Williams took us to Chatsworth and we were rather long in getting back, sir.”

“So it seems. You’d better go to your place and try to catch up with the rest of the form.”

No more than that, but I could tell how annoyed he was.

More trouble was waiting for me when I got back to the House. I had forgotten to ask the Captain of House Games for permission to go to Chatsworth. He had put me down to play in the Third Eleven and was very annoyed that I had not been there.

He told me to go and see him after prayers. This meant a beating.

The blood tingled all over my body as I left the room. I kept saying, “Come and see me after prayers,” to myself, until the words had no meaning at all. I wondered if I should tell my brother about it or whether I should leave the House and run away again so that nobody could touch me, but I did nothing.

I watched supper being eaten and then being cleared away. The fag on duty put the hymn-books on the tables, opening them at the right place for Mr. Bird and the prefects. Whitney was practising the tune on the walnut piano. Soon prayers would begin.

The last words had fallen off Mr. Bird’s tongue and I knew that I had no more time to wait. When everyone had gone upstairs Newman would be ready for me. I went to the study to wait for him.

There was a book about Disraeli lying on the table. I opened it and began to read about his red-heeled shoes, his chains and black ringlets. I thought of the dazzling Jew Boy.

Then the door opened and Newman came in.

He looked nice really, with his powerful body and springy, uncoloured hair. He had a bandage round his neck because of a boil. Together with his collar it looked like a high cravat.

“Why the devil didn’t you let me know, before you went to Chatsworth, Welch>” he began.

“I didn’t think I had to. I had Bird’s permission,” I answered anxiously.

“How can I make the games lists out if I don’t know who’s available ?”

“I’m afraid I forgot that.”

“Well, it’s no good forgetting. You’ve got to learn that. Bend over the desk, please.”

The moment had come. I held my tongue between my teeth, biting on it, trying to make it hurt; then I put my hands over my eyes and burrowed inwards to myself, shutting everything outside away. My eyes bored down long passages of glittering darkness as I waited.

I heard Newman’s feet shuffle lightly on the boards, then the faint whine of the cane in the air.

There were two bars of fire eating into ice, then nothing. Only two strokes, but the room was quite different when I opened my eyes. The light was thick like milk and it seemed to float cloudily about the room.

Newman was saying good-night to me ceremoniously and I knew that I must reply. My voice seemed blurred too, and I felt angry that I could not control it; then my feet took me to the door and I was outside.

Through the pain that was biting into me I felt a surge of admiration for Newman, yet I hated myself for liking him.