My cheeks were going red and I saw her eyes begin to look curious.

“Have you any luggage, sir?” she asked.

“No, it hasn’t come yet,” I lied quickly.

“Then perhaps you’ll pay now. Bed and breakfast twelve and six, and dinner tonight five shillings.”

I pulled out my new pocket-book. It was warm and smelt very leathery. I gave her a pound note and then she led me upstairs to my room.

There was a small sprigged paper, and furniture made out of imitation linen-fold panels. When she left me, it was so still that I ran the water in the basin to make a noise. I combed my hair with my fingers and washed my face. It was still very hot and red.

Excitement and fear had taken away my appetite, but I went down to dinner when I heard the gong ring, and sat at a little table by the door.

There were some husbands and wives sitting together and a larger party who I thought were American. I drank the thick soup, ate the white fish and the roast meat, and when I had finished, went into the hotel lounge and sat in a deep corner of the sofa.

I tried to look at Country Life, and the waiter brought me coffee. As I sipped it I wondered what I would do when my money ran out. I noticed that an old lady was looking at me. When I raised my eyes she smiled and said, “Salisbury is a charming place, isn’t it? Are you staying here long?”

I felt very confused but managed to say, “I think I shall be going tomorrow.”

“Are you all alone, then?” she asked, looking interested.

“Yes, but my mother’s picking me up here and we’re going on to Devonshire.” I was suddenly able to lie very easily. It made itself up almost as I talked.

The old lady was still smiling very sweetly and I thought for a moment that I would tell her what had happened, but the next moment I knew that I could not, so, after looking about the old room for some time, I got up and said good-night.

I climbed the dark stairs and switched the light on in my bedroom; its pink shade was warm and depressing. As I undressed I wondered what I should sleep in. My shirt seemed the only thing, but I did not know when I would have a clean one. I remembered that my nurse had once told me to clean my teeth with soap if I had nothing else. I tried it now and spat out quickly, hating the taste.

Then I got into the white bed and lay down to sleep. It was a horrible night. I kept on waking up so that my dreams were mixed up with the wallpaper, and somehow the Virgin Mary appeared and disappeared, dressed all in Reckitt’s blue.

          

I was glad when the morning came, even though it brought the shock of knowing what I had done. I dressed quickly and went down to breakfast. I ate almost joyfully, and then began to wonder about the tips. When at last I had decided, I ran from the hotel towards the cathedral.

It was light and vast inside, and the organ was playing and people were walking about. I felt the black marble pillars and looked at the broken bits of stained glass framed in the windows.

The Lady Chapel was dark and glittering; the brown and yellow Victorian tiles shone like a wet bathroom floor. I sat down on one of the oak chairs and started to pray. I grew more and more unhappy; there was nothing that I could do. I could not go back and I could not stay away for long, my money would run out. I felt hopeless and very lonely; I longed for someone to talk to me but nobody did, they were all too busy looking at the sights or praying.

I suddenly decided to go. I jumped up and walked down the nave and out of the west door. I looked back once and saw the pinnacles and saints for the last time, then I found my way to the station and bought a ticket for Exeter.

When I got on the train I discovered that it was full of boys going back to Sherborne. There were so many that some had to stand in the corridors. I made my way between them, feeling very self-conscious.