The usual activities of the Clinic continued, but except when forced to work, Walt just lay in his sack and stared at the walls. Radar O'Reilly, of course, was able to predict the advent of these episodes several days in advance, so that the clients of the Clinic were forewarned, but it was Hawkeye Pierce who spread the first word of what turned out to be Captain Waldowski's most serious seizure.

On this afternoon Hawkeye had been working continuously for twelve hours and, having finally finished and found it to be bathing time, he had gone to the shower tent. He undressed slowly. His stethoscope fell out of the rear pocket of his fatigue pants, and he hung it on a nail along with the pants. He stepped under the shower, luxuriated in its warmth, relaxed and dreamed dreams of Crabapple Cove. Returning to reality, he walked back to the bench where he had left his clothes. He found Captain Walter Waldowski, The Painless Pole, sitting on the bench. All the Dental Officer had on was Hawkeye's stethoscope and a look of great alarm. He was listening to the Pride of Hamtramck.

"What's the matter, Walt?" asked Hawkeye.

"I think it's dead," Walt answered and, in a trance, he walked to the nearest shower with the stethoscope still dangling from his ears.

That evening The Painless Pole entered The Swamp and sat down. He was given a drink, which he accepted with indifference.

"I thought you guys oughta know," he announced.

"Know what?"

"I'm going to commit suicide."

There was a moment of silence. Finally Trapper John leaned from his sack and grasped Walt's hand.

"We'll miss you, Walt," he said. "I hope you'll be happy in your new location."

"Hey, Walt, how about you all leaving me your record player?" requested Duke.

"When are you making the trip?" inquired Hawkeye. "You oughta give Henry a little warning so he can get a replacement."

Throughout the interrogation, The Painless Pole sat numbly and made no effort to answer.

"How do you figure to go?" continued Trapper. "You gonna do the .45 between the eyes, or are you planning something a little more refined?"

"That's what I wanted to ask," Walt finally said. "What would you guys recommend?"

"The .45 will do it." Duke answered. "There's no question about that, but it can be sloppy. How about the black capsule?"

"What's that?"

"It's a never miss, easy, pleasant ride," explained Hawkeye. "You have a few drinks, take the black capsule, and the next thing you know you're listening to the heavenly chorus singing the Hamtramck High School victory song."

"You guys got any black capsules?"

"For a buddy like y'all," the Duke told him, "we'll sure as hell get some, if that's what you want."

"That's what I want. I gotta go make out my will. Duke, you can have the record player. I'm closing the Clinic in the morning. Tomorrow night is it. You guys come up. We'll have a few drinks, and I'll take a black capsule, or maybe two."

The Painless Pole left. Hawkeye followed him.

"Relieve me in three hours," he instructed the Swampmen as he departed. "We'd better watch the foolish bastard until he gets over this one."

The next morning Henry heard about it. He was all upset and making plans to evacuate Painless, and came to The Swamp to discuss it.

"What in hell's wrong with him anyhow? Why do I have to get saddled with all the screwballs in the whole U.S. Army? Where in hell am I going to get another dentist?"

Trapper was in the Dental Clinic doing guard duty, but Duke and Hawkeye argued Henry out of his evacuation plans.

"Y'all don't need to get rid of him, Henry," said Duke. "He'll get the hell over it."

"Christ, Henry," Hawk added, "if you get rid of him, some head-shrinker will just give him shock treatments and probably send him to another outfit. We can give him some shock treatments right here!"

"I'm afraid not, boys," Henry said.