If you want the snob angle, at least get it
right. Of course I don’t mean you, I mean the Florida paper. Personally I
don’t think much of titles.”
“Because you come of a family that’s proud of its age rather than
rank?”
“I guess you’re right. It’s probably an inverted snobbery. We certainly
think we’re superior to a lot of these businessmen baronets.”
“You say ‘we.’ Does that mean you feel yourself more English than
American?”
“When I’m talking to you I do. When I’m talking to an Englishman I feel I
want to chew gum. It’s the perverse streak in me.”
“Does that mean you feel American when you’re with your mother?”
“Sometimes…. Though she’s not so terribly English. I’ve met Russians and
Irish that are more like her. She’s more true to herself than to any
nationality. Not that I mean she doesn’t act, sometimes. But when she does,
she doesn’t really mind if you see through it. And you can act back. She
doesn’t mind that either.”
“I’m afraid I’m not much good at acting.”
“I wasn’t meaning you personally.”
“I’m sorry. I thought—perhaps—well—”
“I was just talking generally. I’m sorry if you—”
“How did we get onto this argument, anyway?”
“I forget.”
He thought for a moment, then said: “We were discussing beauty—the
sense of beauty—”
“Were we?”
“Mozart, it started with….”
“Oh yes, you said you were beginning to like classical music.”
“I think I could like it, if I heard more. It’s strange
how—if you’re in a certain mood—the awareness of beauty comes
over you—”
“It comes over me in any mood. I mean, it can put me in the
mood. When we were in the Cathedral just now, for instance….”
“Yes—but it didn’t get me as much as Mozart.”
“Maybe we should have asked the organist to play some Mozart.”
“I’ll ask your mother when I’m next up at the house.”
“Yes, do…. You come up quite often now, don’t you? While I’ve been
away…. I’m so glad.”
We returned to Cambridge by bus and he called at the Cavendish again to
pick up something—“results,” he said, that he had left there in the
morning for a check. When he glanced over them later in the train I tried to
tell from his face whether everything had been satisfactory, but he looked
neither pleased nor displeased—only preoccupied. Presently, as he put
the papers away, he said: “Well, that’s that.”
“What is?”
“A month’s work and it turns out to be wrong.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. It’s not an emotional matter.”
“But a whole month! Couldn’t you have found out you were wrong
sooner?”
“Perhaps not—though the Cavendish does have better facilities. Might
save time in the future if I had access to them more often.”
“Couldn’t you work there?”
He smiled. “You don’t know how lucky I am to be able to work anywhere. You
should have known me the last time I went inside a cathedral.”
“Where was that?”
“St. Patrick’s, New York.”
“Are you a Catholic?”
“No. I used to go in for warmth and rest when I was looking for a job.
That was in 1931.”
“You’ve come a long way in five years.”
“It’s not how far you come that counts—it’s the direction you take
and whether you ever find the right track.”
“Do you think you’ve found it?”
“I think I know where to look for it. And a few wrong answers won’t put me
off.”
There was a sort of grittiness in his voice that made me think he was
fighting down disappointment over his wasted month.
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