The anger in me rises again. I want to take Eva by the shoulders. Shake her. They’re not going to ask you to play. They’re not going to include you. Stop hoping. Stop making them so powerful. Stop allowing them to hurt you.

Eva doesn’t know yet what I know about the world and being female. She doesn’t understand that you have to establish yourself, establish your identity and boundaries, young. Girls can be vicious, far more cruel than boys, because their world is made up of language, stories, and secrets. Too often, little girls and women start a conversation with, “Don’t tell anyone . . .” Three words I’ve learned that too often lead to pain.

In the boy world, any boy can join in provided he can spit farther, ran faster, hit harder. The boy world isn’t an inner circle, but a totem pole hierarchy based on strength, guts, courage. Bravado.

It’s the world I’d give Eva if I could. Instead, Eva’s world makes me sweat. Bleed.

Goddamn town. Goddamn country club. Goddamn girls who won’t let Eva in.

I gather Eva’s magazines, placing the copy of Elegant Bride and Modern Bride in my tote bag before rising from my chair and holding up her striped towel. “Eva,” I call to her, “want to go to Cold Stone?”

She’s still watching the girls drip their way around the pool, past the mothers clustered at tables and lounge chairs, toward the snack bar nestled against the country club’s shingled wall.

“I could just get a Popsicle here,” she says, her wistful gaze never leaving Jemma and gang.

I spot Jemma’s mom, Taylor Young, across the pool. Taylor blows Jemma a kiss as her daughter passes. Taylor Young, the original Bellevue Babe in her fitted light blue Polo shirt and short white tennis skirt.

Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. Wife of VP of Business Development Nathan Young, room mom, school auction chair, president of the PTA. Why? Because nobody must do it better.

Blech. I’d rather shoot myself between the eyes than spend every afternoon at Points Elementary.

But that’s not nice of me. Taylor can’t possibly spend every afternoon at school. She obviously does other things. Like highlight her hair. Visit Mystic Tan. Botox her brow.

Am I bitter? Hell, no.