And an agonizing pang of
unspeakable anguish piercing his bosom made his heart beat like a
fluttering rag. Its springs seemed broken, and the blood rushed
through in a flood, unchecked, tossing it with wild surges.
Then in an undertone, as a man speaks in a nightmare, he
muttered: "I must know. My God! I must know."
He looked further back now, to an earlier time, when his parents
had lived in Paris. But the faces escaped him, and this confused
his recollections. He struggled above all to see Marechal, with
light, or brown, or black hair. But he could not; the later image,
his face as an old man, blotted out all others. However, he
remembered that he had been slighter, and had a soft hand, and that
he often brought flowers. Very often—for his father would
constantly say: "What, another bouquet! But this is madness, my
dear fellow; you will ruin yourself in roses." And Marechal would
say: "No matter; I like it."
And suddenly his mother's voice and accent, his mother's as she
smiled and said: "Thank you, my kind friend," flashed on his brain,
so clearly that he could have believed he heard her. She must have
spoken those words very often that they should remain thus graven
on her son's memory.
So Marechal brought flowers; he, the gentleman, the rich man,
the customer, to the humble shop-keeper, the jeweller's wife. Had
he loved her? Why should he have made friends with these
tradespeople if he had not been in love with the wife? He was a man
of education and fairly refined tastes. How many a time had he
discussed poets and poetry with Pierre. He did not appreciate these
writers from an artistic point of view, but with sympathetic and
responsive feeling. The doctor had often smiled at his emotions
which had struck him as rather silly, now he plainly saw that this
sentimental soul could never, never have been the friend of his
father, who was so matter-of-fact, so narrow, so heavy, to whom the
word "Poetry" meant idiocy.
This Marechal then, being young, free, rich, ready for any form
of tenderness, went by chance into the shop one day, having perhaps
observed its pretty mistress. He had bought something, had come
again, had chatted, more intimately each time, paying by frequent
purchases for the right of a seat in the family, of smiling at the
young wife and shaking hands with the husband.
And what next—what next—good God—what next?
He had loved and petted the first child, the jeweller's child,
till the second was born; then, till death, he had remained
impenetrable; and when his grave was closed, his flesh dust, his
name erased from the list of the living, when he himself was quiet
and forever gone, having nothing to scheme for, to dread or to
hide, he had given his whole fortune to the second child! Why?
The man had all his wits; he must have understood and foreseen
that he might, that he almost infallibly must, give grounds for the
supposition that the child was his. He was casting obloquy on a
woman. How could he have done this if Jean were not his son?
And suddenly a clear and fearful recollection shot through his
brain. Marechal was fair—fair like Jean. He now remembered a little
miniature portrait he had seen formerly in Paris, on the
drawing-room chimney-shelf, and which had since disappeared. Where
was it? Lost, or hidden away? Oh, if he could but have it in his
hand for one minute! His mother kept it perhaps in the unconfessed
drawer where love-tokens were treasured.
His misery in this thought was so intense that he uttered a
groan, one of those brief moans wrung from the breast by a too
intolerable pang. And immediately, as if it had heard him, as if it
had understood and answered him, the fog-horn on the pier bellowed
out close to him. Its voice, like that of a fiendish monster, more
resonant than thunder—a savage and appalling roar contrived to
drown the clamour of the wind and waves—spread through the
darkness, across the sea, which was invisible under its shroud of
fog. And again, through the mist, far and near, responsive cries
went up to the night. They were terrifying, these calls given forth
by the great blind steam-ships.
Then all was silent once more.
Pierre had opened his eyes and was looking about him, startled
to find himself here, roused from his nightmare.
"I am mad," thought he, "I suspect my mother." And a surge of
love and emotion, of repentance, and prayer, and grief, welled up
in his heart. His mother! Knowing her as he knew her, how could he
ever have suspected her? Was not the soul, was not the life of this
simple-minded, chaste, and loyal woman clearer than water? Could
any one who had seen and known her ever think of her but as above
suspicion? And he, her son, had doubted her! Oh, if he could but
have taken her in his arms at that moment, how he would have kissed
and caressed her, and gone on his knees to crave pardon.
Would she have deceived his father—she?
His father!—A very worthy man, no doubt, upright and honest in
business, but with a mind which had never gone beyond the horizon
of his shop. How was it that this woman, who must have been very
pretty—as he knew, and it could still be seen—gifted, too, with a
delicate, tender emotional soul, could have accepted a man so
unlike herself as a suitor and a husband? Why inquire? She had
married, as young French girls do marry, the youth with a little
fortune proposed to her by their relations. They had settled at
once in their shop in the Rue Montmartre; and the young wife,
ruling over the desk, inspired by the feeling of a new home, and
the subtle and sacred sense of interests in common which fills the
place of love, and even of regard, by the domestic hearth of most
of the commercial houses of Paris, had set to work, with all her
superior and active intelligence, to make the fortune they hoped
for. And so her life had flowed on, uniform, peaceful and
respectable, but loveless.
Loveless?—was it possible then that a woman should not love?
That a young and pretty woman, living in Paris, reading books,
applauding actresses for dying of passion on the stage, could live
from youth to old age without once feeling her heart touched? He
would not believe it of any one else; why should she be different
from all others, though she was his mother?
She had been young, with all the poetic weaknesses which agitate
the heart of a young creature. Shut up, imprisoned in the shop, by
the side of a vulgar husband who always talked of trade, she had
dreamed of moonlight nights, of voyages, of kisses exchanged in the
shades of evening. And then, one day a man had come in, as lovers
do in books, and had talked as they talk.
She had loved him. Why not? She was his mother.
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