I respected him for
that. He read and rocked himself to and fro, and simply cried like a woman
without caring to hide it. The letters were so dreary and hopeless and
touching. We forgot all about The Boy’s follies, and only thought of the
poor Thing on the charpoy and the scrawled sheets in our hands. It was
utterly impossible to let the letters go Home. They would have broken his
Father’s heart and killed his Mother after killing her belief in her
son.
At last the Major dried his eyes openly, and said: “Nice sort of thing
to spring on an English family! What shall we do?”
I said, knowing what the Major had brought me but for: “The Boy died of
cholera. We were with him at the time. We can’t commit ourselves to
half-measures. Come along.”
Then began one of the most grimy comic scenes I have ever taken part
in-the concoction of a big, written lie, bolstered with evidence, to
soothe The Boy’s people at Home. I began the rough draft of a letter, the
Major throwing in hints here and there while he gathered up all the stuff
that The Boy had written and burnt it in the fireplace. It was a hot,
still evening when we began, and the lamp burned very badly. In due course
I got the draft to my satisfaction, setting forth how The Boy was the
pattern of all virtues, beloved by his regiment, with every promise of a
great career before him, and so on; how we had helped him through the
sickness—it was no time for little lies, you will understand—and how he
had died without pain. I choked while I was putting down these things and
thinking of the poor people who would read them. Then I laughed at the
grotesqueness of the affair, and the laughter mixed itself up with the
choke—and the Major said that we both wanted drinks.
I am afraid to say how much whiskey we drank before the letter was
finished. It had not the least effect on us. Then we took off The Boy’s
watch, locket, and rings.
Lastly, the Major said: “We must send a lock of hair too. A woman
values that.”
But there were reasons why we could not find a lock fit to send. The
Boy was black-haired, and so was the Major, luckily. I cut off a piece of
the Major’s hair above the temple with a knife, and put it into the packet
we were making. The laughing-fit and the chokes got hold of me again, and
I had to stop. The Major was nearly as bad; and we both knew that the
worst part of the work was to come.
We sealed up the packet, photographs, locket, seals, ring, letter, and
lock of hair with The Boy’s sealing-wax and The Boy’s seal.
Then the Major said: “For God’s sake let’s get outside—away from the
room—and think!”
We went outside, and walked on the banks of the Canal for an hour,
eating and drinking what we had with us, until the moon rose. I know now
exactly how a murderer feels. Finally, we forced ourselves back to the
room with the lamp and the Other Thing in it, and began to take up the
next piece of work. I am not going to write about this. It was too
horrible. We burned the bedstead and dropped the ashes into the Canal; we
took up the matting of the room and treated that in the same way. I went
off to a village and borrowed two big hoes—I did not want the villagers to
help—while the Major arranged—the other matters. It took us four hours’
hard work to make the grave. As we worked, we argued out whether it was
right to say as much as we remembered of the Burial of the Dead. We
compromised things by saying the Lord’s Prayer with a private unofficial
prayer for the peace of the soul of The Boy.
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