one little heart, and devil take the woman, she couldn’t declare a little slam! [Goes out by the right-hand door.]

IX

[AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA and FIRST GUEST.]

AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA [coming out of the garden with the First Guest]: I’d like to tear her to pieces, the old skinflint ... I’d just like to tear her up! It’s no joke, I’ve been sitting here since five o’clock and she hasn’t even offered me a bit of elderly herring! ... What a house! ... What a household! ...

FIRST GUEST: It’s so frightfully boring that I’d simply like to run off and bang my head on a wall! And the Lord have mercy on us! ... You could howl like a wolf and start to devour people from sheer boredom and hunger ...

AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA: Sinner that I am, I’d like to tear her to pieces.

FIRST GUEST: I’ll have a drink, my old dear, and then — off home! I don’t need your brides. To hell with it, what kind of love is there to feel here if one hasn’t been offered a glass of vodka since dinner?

AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA: Let’s go and have a look, shall we ...

FIRST GUEST: Shh! ... Quietly. I think there’s some schnapps in the dining-room, it’s standing on the sideboard. We’ll get hold of Yegorushka ... Shh! ...

[They go out by the left-hand door.]

X

[ANNA PETROVNA and LVOV enter by the right-hand door.]

ANNA PETROVNA: Don’t worry, they’ll be pleased to see us. There isn’t anyone. They must be in the garden.

LVOV: Now why, I ask, have you brought me here to these birds of prey? This is not a place for you and me. Honest people ought not to have any knowledge of this atmosphere!

ANNA PETROVNA: Listen, Mr Honesty! It is impolite to escort a lady and to spend the whole journey talking to her solely about your own honesty! It may be honest, but at the very least it’s boring. Never talk to women about your own good qualities. Let them find out for themselves. When he was your age, my Nikolay, in the company of women, only used to sing songs and tell stories, but at the same time every woman knew what kind of a man he was.

LVOV: Oh don’t talk to me about your Nikolay, I understand him very well!

ANNA PETROVNA: You are a good man, but you understand nothing. Let’s go into the garden. He never used expressions like: ‘I am honest. This atmosphere oppresses me. Birds of prey. Owl’s nest. Crocodiles.’ He left the menagerie out of it, but when he got angry, then I only used to hear from him ‘Oh how unfair I was today!’ or ‘Anyuta, I’m sorry for that man.’ That’s how he was, but you ...

[They go out.]

XI

[AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA and FIRST GUEST.]

FIRST GUEST [coming out of the left-hand door]: It’s not in the dining-room, so it must be somewhere in the larder. We must get it out of Yegorushka. Let’s go through the drawing-room.

AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA: I’d just like to tear her to pieces! ...

[They go out by the right-hand door.]

XII

[BABAKINA, BORKIN and SHABELSKY.]

[BABAKINA and BORKIN run in from the garden, laughing; SHABELSKY minces in after them laughing and rubbing his hands.]

BABAKINA: It’s so boring! [Laughs loudly.] So boring! They’re all walking about and sitting bolt upright as if they’d swallowed a ruler! All their bones have become stiff from boredom. [Jumps.] I must loosen up! ...

[BORKIN takes her by the waist and kisses her on the cheek.]

SHABELSKY [laughing and snapping his fingers]: The devil! [Grunts.] In a sort of way ...

BABAKINA: Let go, let go of my arms, you shameless man, or Lord knows what the Count will think. Get off! ...

BORKIN: Angel of my soul, carbuncle of my heart! ... [Kisses her.] Lend me two thousand three hundred roubles ...

BABAKINA: N-n-no ... Whatever you like, but as far as money is concerned — thank you very much ... No, no, no! ... Oh let go of my arms! ...

SHABELSKY [mincing about beside them]: The little Pompom ...