'Wot 'appened when you was a recruity?'

'I was a betther recruity than you iver was or will be, but that’s neither here nor there. Thin I became a man, an' the divil of a man I was fifteen years ago. They called me Buck Mulvaney in thim days, an', begad, I tuk a woman’s eye. I did that! Ortheris, ye scrub, fwhat are ye sniggerin' at? Do you misdoubt me?'

'Devil a doubt!' said Ortheris; 'but I’ve 'eard summat like that before!'

Mulvaney dismissed the impertinence with a lofty wave of his hand and continued—

'An' the orf’cers av the rig’mint I was in in thim days was orf’cers—gran' men, wid a manner on 'em, an' a way wid 'em such as is not made these days—all but wan—wan o' the capt’ns. A bad dhrill, a wake voice, an' a limp leg—thim three things are the signs av a bad man. You bear that in your mind, Orth’ris, me son.

'An' the Colonel av the rig’mint had a daughter—wan av thim lamblike, bleatin', pick–me–up–an'–carry–me–or–I’ll–die gurls such as was made for the natural prey av men like the Capt’n, who was iverlastin' payin' coort to her, though the Colonel he said time an' over, "Kape out av the brute’s way, my dear." But he niver had the heart for to send her away from the throuble, bein' as he was a widower, an' she their wan child.'

'Stop a minute, Mulvaney,' said I; 'how in the world did you come to know these things?'

'How did I come?' said Mulvaney, with a scornful grunt; 'bekase I’m turned durin' the Quane’s pleasure to a lump av wood, lookin' out straight forninst me, wid a—a—candelabbrum in my hand, for you to pick your cards out av, must I not see nor feel? Av coorse I du! Up my back, an' in my boots, an' in the short hair av the neck—that’s where I kape my eyes whin I’m on duty an' the reg’lar wans are fixed. Know! Take my word for it, Sorr, ivrything an' a great dale more is known in a rig’mint; or fwhat wud be the use av a Mess Sargint, or a Sargint’s wife doin' wet–nurse to the Major’s baby? To reshume. He was a bad dhrill was this Capt’n—a rotten bad dhrill—an' whin first I ran me eye over him, I sez to myself: "My Militia bantam!" I sez, "My cock av a Gosport dunghill"—'twas from Portsmouth he came to us—"there’s combs to be cut," sez I, "an' by the grace av God,'tis Terence Mulvaney will cut thim."

'So he wint menowderin', and minanderin', an' blandandherin' roun' an' about the Colonel’s daughter, an' she, poor innocint, lookin' at him like a Comm’ssariat bullock looks at the Comp’ny cook. He’d a dhirty little scrub av a black moustache, an' he twisted an' turned ivry wurrd he used as av he found ut too sweet for to spit out. Eyah! He was a tricky man an' a liar by natur'. Some are born so. He was wan. I knew he was over his belt in money borrowed from natives; besides a lot av other matthers which, in regard for your presince, Sorr, I will oblitherate. A little av fwhat I knew, the Colonel knew, for he wud have none av him, an' that, I’m thinkin', by fwhat happened aftherwards, the Capt’n knew.

'Wan day, bein' mortial idle, or they wud never ha' thried ut, the rig’mint gave amshure theatricals—orf’cers an' orf’cers' ladies. You’ve seen the likes time an' agin, Sorr, an' poor fun 'tis for them that sit in the back row an' stamp wid their boots for the honour av the rig’mint. I was told off for to shif' the scenes, haulin' up this an' draggin' down that. Light work ut was, wid lashins av beer and the gurl that dhressed the orf’cers' ladies—but she died in Aggra twelve years gone, an' my tongue’s gettin' the betther av me. They was actin' a play thing called Sweethearts, which you may ha' heard av, an' the Colonel’s daughter she was a lady’s maid. The Capt’n was a boy called Broom—Spread Broom was his name in the play. Thin I saw —ut come out in the actin'—fwhat I niver saw before, an' that was that he was no gentleman. They was too much together, thim two, a–whishperin' behind the scenes I shifted, an' some av what they said I heard; for I was death—blue death an' ivy—on the comb–cuttin'. He was iverlastin’ly oppressing her to fall in wid some sneakin' schame av his, an' she was thryin' to stand out against him, but not as though she was set in her will. I wonder now in thim days that my ears did not grow a yard on me head wid list’nin'. But I looked straight forninst me an' hauled up this an' dragged down that, such as was my duty, an' the orf’cers' ladies sez one to another, thinkin' I was out av listen–reach: "Fwhat an obligin' young man is this Corp’ril Mulvaney!" I was a Corp’ril then. I was rejuced aftherwards, but, no matther, I was a Corp’ril wanst.

'Well, this Sweethearts’ business wint on like most amshure theatricals, an' barrin' fwhat I suspicioned, 'twasn’t till the dhress–rehearsal that I saw for certain that thim two—he the blackguard, an' she no wiser than she should ha' been—had put up an evasion.'

'A what?' said I.

'E–vasion! Fwhat you call an elopemint. E–vasion I calls it, bekaze, exceptin' whin 'tis right an' natural an' proper, 'tis wrong an' dhirty to steal a man’s wan child she not knowin' her own mind. There was a Sargint in the Comm’ssariat who set my face upon e–vasions. I’ll tell you about that—'

'Stick to the bloomin' Captains, Mulvaney,' said Ortheris; 'Comm’ssariat Sargints is low.'

Mulvaney accepted the amendment and went on:—

'Now I knew that the Colonel was no fool, any more than me, for I was hild the smartest man in the rig’mint, an' the Colonel was the best orf’cer commandin' in Asia; so fwhat he said an' I said was a mortial truth. We knew that the Capt’n was bad, but, for reasons which I have already oblitherated, I knew more than me Colonel. I wud ha' rolled out his face wid the butt av my gun before permittin' av him to steal the gurl.