can put up a good fight. Oh, he can hiss like a cat…but I’d rather he didn’t. Once you’ve seen it, you never want to see it again. His opinion is the best, he knows the most about everything. Granted, the man has a good head on his shoulders, but it’s swelled to no small degree.

Madame: Actually, the best thing would be to say nothing. Some days, especially when a foul mood is on the way, her face is hard to read. If you analyse the discussions, you realize she’s not the subject, but the guilty party! A fact everyone prefers to ignore. Even so, you could call her the instigator. Stirring up trouble, now that’s what Mrs van Daan calls fun. Stirring up trouble between Mrs Frank and Anne. Margot and Mr Frank aren’t quite as easy.

But let’s return to the table. Mrs van D. may think she doesn’t always get enough, but that’s not the case. The choicest potatoes, the tastiest morsel, the nicest bit of whatever there is, that’s Madame’s motto. The others can all have their turn, as long as I get the best. (Exactly what she accuses Anne Frank of doing.) Her second watchword is: keep talking. As long as somebody’s listening, it doesn’t seem to occur to her to wonder whether they’re interested. She must think that whatever Mrs van Daan does will interest everyone. Sometimes I think she’s just like I used to be, though luckily I’ve changed and haven’t stayed the same for forty-three years.

Smile coquettishly, pretend you know everything, offer everyone a piece of advice and mother them a bit – that’s sure to make a good impression. But if you take a better look, the good impression fades. One, she’s hardworking; two, cheerful; three, coquettish – and sometimes a pretty face. That’s Petronella van Daan.

The third diner: Says very little. Young Mr van Daan is usually quiet and hardly makes his presence known. As far as his appetite is concerned, he’s a Danaïdean vessel that never gets full. Even after the most substantial meal, he can look you calmly in the eye and claim he could have eaten twice as much.

Number four – Margot: Eats like a bird and doesn’t talk at all. She eats only vegetables and fruit. ‘Spoiled’, in the opinion of the van Daans. ‘Too little exercise and fresh air’ in ours.

Beside her – Mummy: Has a hearty appetite, but doesn’t live up to her potential. I always have the idea that people forget she’s there, since she’s off in the corner. Whenever the conversation turns to literature, you can learn a lot.