So I went to a sign writer and got a lot of big placards done. The Saturday was a super day and my pal and I drove down. We got there just before the party started and we stuck these placards up about every fifty yards at the side of the road for the quarter of a mile leading to the house. They had things on them like 'Open Day,' 'No Charge,' 'Everybody Welcome,' 'Free Refreshments,' 'Beautiful Gardens,' 'Swimming Pool,' 'Bring the Kiddies.' And the ones nearest the house had big arrows, pointing through the gates. Then we beat it, pronto.'

'What happened?' Penny asked, wide-eyed.

'I found out all about it later, from a johnnie who was at the party. As you can imagine, on a beautiful Saturday, the roads were jam-packed with people on their way for an afternoon at the seaside, and within minutes cars started to roll in. The Hodges didn't realise what was happening at first, thought they were invited guests. The climax was when a charabanc, with about forty people on board, arrived. They twigged then, but it was too late. There were already about twenty cars parked on the drive, people were helping themselves to grub and drinks from the buffet, kids were trampling all over the flower beds, changing into their bathing costumes in their cars and jumping in the swimming pool. Some people actually went in the house and started poking round all over the place, using the bathrooms, what have you. The butler was trying to get rid of them, which led to a lot of nasty arguments. And the most topping thing of all was that one of the real guests was an eccentric old baronet, who always dresses in the most disreputable togs and hardly ever shaves or has his hair cut. The butler thought he was one of the gate-crashers and forcibly ejected him. By which time, most of the toffs were pretty fed up, and started to leave, en masse. Hodge was running round in circles, trying to get them to stay and the intruders to leave, all at the same time. Mrs Hodge was having hysterics in her boudoir. I'm delighted to say that their great day was totally ruined. And serve them bally well right.'

Penny gave a sigh. 'Oh, Tommy, you're so clever! To think of that!'

Tommy endeavoured unsuccessfully to look modest. 'I do seem to have a flair for that sort of thing.' Then he became gloomy again. 'Good to have a flair for something, I suppose. Certainly haven't got one for selling cars.'

'What would you like to do?'

'Dunno, really. Used to think I'd like to be a reporter. Must be terrific fun, going round interviewing film stars and racing drivers. I'm not much of a writer, but that doesn't really matter; you just put down what they say. It was Stella getting her first job in that line that put the idea into my head. Incidentally, I hear she's back.'

'Stella who? Back from where?'

'Stella Simmons. Cousin Stella. Home from the US of A.