He wasn’t happy at all.

THE WAY IT WAS
3

Alec was leaving the tack room when the barn door opened and Henry came inside. Sebastian barked and ran to meet him.

“I saw the light and figured it was you, Alec. Anything wrong?”

“No. I was just checking up on Napoleon.”

Walking over to the old gray, Henry said, “I’m glad school is about over. Now you’ll be able to get to the track mornings with me.”

Alec stood beside Henry, his hand on Napoleon’s muzzle. “It seems so right to be in this barn, where everything started,” he said quietly. “I know we can’t keep Satan here, but I wish we could.”

Henry turned to him quickly, his face puzzled. But then he smiled and said, “Yeah, it’s different at the track all right. The photographers got me down today, too. But you’ll find it’s not so bad early mornings, Alec. ’Course there are always people around watchin’ every move we make with Satan. But you’ll get used to it, an’ we got no right to expect anything else now.”

“No, we haven’t,” Alec said slowly. “And it’s what we wanted.”

Henry looked at Alec for a long while before asking, “And now you don’t want it?”

“I didn’t say that, Henry.”

“No, y’didn’t. But I got the idea that’s what you meant.” Henry paused. “Didn’t you?” he asked.

Alec turned away, and it was several minutes before he said, “I don’t know what I want anymore, Henry. I seem to be all mixed up.”

“Maybe you oughta talk about it, Alec. We always have. We’ve never kept anything from each other, have we?”

“No.”

“Well, then?”

Alec turned to him. “Sometimes, Henry, I think of myself as a baby who’s had his pet toy taken away from him,” he said angrily. “I guess I’m unhappy because I can’t have Satan to myself any longer. I tell myself to grow up, that I can’t make a pet of a champion. I put all the cards on the table. I say this is exactly what I wanted. I’m glad Satan is everything we thought he’d be. I knew from the very beginning that, if he was to be a champion, I’d have to share him with others. I knew his training would have to go on, even though I couldn’t always get to the track to ride him. I knew other fellows would be up on him when I wasn’t. Everything made sense … everything was just the way I’d figured it was going to be.” Alec paused, his gaze leaving Henry for Napoleon. “Yet I’m finding it hard to take … much harder than I ever thought it would be.”

“Hasn’t riding Satan in the big classics made up for a lot, Alec?” Henry asked.

“No … not even that. I feel that I’m just a jockey, and I want to be more than that … much more.” He turned to Henry again, his eyes searching.