To face one’s degradation was nothing. But to
come home an incomprehensibly changed man–and to see my old life as
strange as if it were the new life of another planet–to try to slip into
the old groove–well, no words of mine can tell you how utterly impossible
it was.
My old job was not open to me, even if I had been able to work. The
government that I fought for left me to starve, or to die of my maladies
like a dog, for all it cared.
I could not live on your money, Carley. My people are poor, as you know. So
there was nothing for me to do but to borrow a little money from my friends
and to come West. I’m glad I had the courage to come. What this West is
I’ll never try to tell you, because, loving the luxury and excitement and
glitter of the city as you do, you’d think I was crazy.
Getting on here, in my condition, was as hard as trench life. But now,
Carley–something has come to me out of the West. That, too, I am unable to
put into words. Maybe I can give you an inkling of it. I’m strong enough to
chop wood all day. No man or woman passes my cabin in a month. But I am
never lonely. I love these vast red canyon walls towering above me. And the
silence is so sweet. Think of the hellish din that filled my ears. Even
now–sometimes, the brook here changes its babbling murmur to the roar of
war. I never understood anything of the meaning of nature until I lived
under these looming stone walls and whispering pines.
So, Carley, try to understand me, or at least be kind. You know they came
very near writing, “Gone west!” after my name, and considering that, this
“Out West” signifies for me a very fortunate difference. A tremendous
difference! For the present I’ll let well enough alone.
Adios. Write soon. Love from
GLEN
Carley’s second reaction to the letter was a sudden upflashing desire to
see her lover–to go out West and find him. Impulses with her were rather
rare and inhibited, but this one made her tremble. If Glenn was well again
he must have vastly changed from the moody, stone-faced, and haunted-eyed
man who had so worried and distressed her. He had embarrassed her, too, for
sometimes, in her home, meeting young men there who had not gone into the
service, he had seemed to retreat into himself, singularly aloof, as if his
world was not theirs.
Again, with eager eyes and quivering lips, she read the letter. It
contained words that lifted her heart. Her starved love greedily absorbed
them. In them she had excuse for any resolve that might bring Glenn closer
to her. And she pondered over this longing to go to him.
Carley had the means to come and go and live as she liked. She did not
remember her father, who had died when she was a child.
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