I
know all that. But I also know that there’s something deep down in that
man’s soul that calls to something deep down in mine. And at present it
frightens me. Because I cannot make out what it is; and I know, I
know, he’ll do something some day that—that will shake my life to
the very bottom.” She laughed a little at the strangeness of her own
description.
I turned to look at her more closely, but the
darkness was too great to show her face. There was an intensity, almost
of suppressed passion, in her voice that took me completely by surprise.
“Nonsense, Joan,” I said, a little severely; “you
know him well. He’s been with your father for months now.”
“But that was in London; and up here it’s
different—I mean, I feel that it may be different. Life in a place
like this blows away the restraints of the artificial life at home. I
know, oh, I know what I’m saying. I feel all untied in a place like
this; the rigidity of one’s nature begins to melt and flow. Surely
you must understand what I mean!”
“Of course I understand,” I replied, yet not wishing
to encourage her in her present line of thought, “and it’s a grand
experience—for a short time. But you’re overtired tonight, Joan, like
the rest of us. A few days in this air will set you above all fears of
the kind you mention.”
Then, after a moment’s silence, I added, feeling I
should estrange her confidence altogether if I blundered any more and
treated her like a child—
“I think, perhaps, the true explanation is that you
pity him for loving you, and at the same time you feel the repulsion of
the healthy, vigorous animal for what is weak and timid. If he came up
boldly and took you by the throat and shouted that he would force you
to love him— well, then you would feel no fear at all. You would know
exactly how to deal with him. Isn’t it, perhaps, something of that
kind?”
The girl made no reply, and when I took her hand I
felt that it trembled a little and was cold.
“It’s not his love that I’m afraid of,” she said
hurriedly, for at this moment we heard the dip of a paddle in the
water, “it’s something in his very soul that terrifies me in a way I
have never been terrified before,— yet fascinates me. In town I was
hardly conscious of his presence. But the moment we got away from
civilisation, it began to come. He seems so—so real up here. I
dread being alone with him. It makes me feel that something must burst
and tear its way out—that he would do something—or I should do
something—I don’t know exactly what I mean, probably,—but that I
should let myself go and scream–-“
“Joan!”
“Don’t be alarmed,” she laughed shortly; “I shan’t
do anything silly, but I wanted to tell you my feelings in case I
needed your help. When I have intuitions as strong as this they are
never wrong, only I don’t know yet what it means exactly.”
“You must hold out for the month, at any rate,” I
said in as matter-of-fact a voice as I could manage, for her manner had
somehow changed my surprise to a subtle sense of alarm. “Sangree only
stays the month, you know. And, anyhow, you are such an odd creature
yourself that you should feel generously towards other odd creatures,”
I ended lamely, with a forced laugh.
She gave my hand a sudden pressure. “I’m glad I’ve
told you at any rate,” she said quickly under her breath, for the canoe
was now gliding up silently like a ghost to our feet, “and I’m glad
you’re here, too,” she added as we moved down towards the water to meet
it.
I made Sangree change into the bows and got into the
steering seat myself, putting the girl between us so that I could watch
them both by keeping their outlines against the sea and stars. For the
intuitions of certain folk—women and children usually, I confess—I
have always felt a great respect that has more often than not been
justified by experience; and now the curious emotion stirred in me by
the girl’s words remained somewhat vividly in my consciousness. I
explained it in some measure by the fact that the girl, tired out by
the fatigue of many days’ travel, had suffered a vigorous reaction of
some kind from the strong, desolate scenery, and further, perhaps, that
she had been treated to my own experience of seeing the members of the
party in a new light—the Canadian, being partly a stranger, more
vividly than the rest of us. But, at the same time, I felt it was quite
possible that she had sensed some subtle link between his personality
and her own, some quality that she had hitherto ignored and that the
routine of town life had kept buried out of sight. The only thing that
seemed difficult to explain was the fear she had spoken of, and this I
hoped the wholesome effects of camp-life and exercise would sweep away
naturally in the course of time.
We made the tour of the island without speaking. It
was all too beautiful for speech. The trees crowded down to the shore
to hear us pass.
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