Edmund's Bury; where as I told you, I could make but little of my Trade, only at a little country Opera House, I got a Gold Watch from a Ladies Side, who was not only intollerably Merry, but a little Fuddled, which made my Work much easier.
I made off with this little Booty to Ipswich, and from thence to Harwich, where I went into an Inn, as if I had newly arriv'd from Holland, not doubting but I should make some Purchase among the Foreigners that came on Shore there; but I found them generally empty of Things of Value, except what was in their Portmantuas, and Dutch Hampers, which were always guarded by Footmen; however, I fairly got one of their Portmantuas one Evening out of the Chamber where the Gentleman lay, the Footman being fast a sleep on the Bed, and I suppose very Drunk.
The Room in which I Lodg'd, lay next to the Dutchman's, and having dragg'd the heavy thing with much ado out of the Chamber into mine; I went out into the Street, to see if I could find any possibility of carrying it off; I walk'd about a great while but could see no probability, either of getting out the Thing, or of conveying away the Goods that was in it, the Town being so small, and I a perfect Stranger in it; so I was returning with a Resolution to carry it back again, and leave it where I found it; just in that very Moment I heard a Man make a Noise to some People to make haste, for the Boat was going to put off, and the Tyde would be spent; I call'd the Fellow, What Boat is it Friend, said I, that you belong to? The Ipswich Wherry, Madam, says he. When do you go off? says I. This Moment, Madam, says he; Do you want to go thither? Yes, said I, if you can stay till I fetch my Things. Where are your Things Madam? says he. At such an Inn, said I. Well, I'll go with you Madam, says he, very civilly, and bring them for you; come away then, says I, and takes him with me.
The People of the Inn were in a great Hurry, the Packet-Boat from Holland being just come in, and two Coaches just come also with Passengers from London, for another Packet-Boat that was going off for Holland, which Coaches were to go back next Day with the Passengers that were just Landed: In this Hurry it was, that I came to the Barr, and paid my Reckoning, telling my Landlady I had gotten my Passage by Sea in a Wherry.
These Wherries are large Vessels, with good Accommodation for carrying Passengers from Harwich to London; and tho' they are call'd Wherries, which is a Word us'd in the Thames for a small Boat, row'd with one or two Men; yet these are Vessels able to carry twenty Passengers, and ten or fiveteen Ton of Goods, and fitted to bear the Sea; all this I had found out by enquiring the Night before into the several Ways of going to London.
My Landlady was very Courteous, took my Money for the Reckoning, but was call'd away, all the House being in a Hurry; so I left her, took the Fellow up into my Chamber, gave him the Trunk, or Portmantua, for it was like a Trunk, and wrapt it about with an old Apron, and he went directly to his Boat with it, and I after him, no Body asking us the least Question about it; as for the drunken Dutch Footman he was still a sleep, and his Master with other Foreign Gentlemen at Supper, and very merry below; so I went clean off with it to Ipswich, and going in the Night, the People of the House knew nothing, but that I was gone to London, by the Harwich Wherry as I had told my Landlady.
I was plagu'd at Ipswich with the Custom-House Officers, who stop'd my Trunk, as I call'd it, and would open, and search it; I was willing I told them, that they should Search it, but my Husband had the Key, and that he was not yet come from Harwich; this I said, that if upon searching it, they should find all the things be such, as properly belong'd to a Man rather than a Woman, it should not seem strange to them; however, they being positive to open the Trunk, I consented to have it broken open, that is to say, to have the Lock taken off, which was not difficult.
They found nothing for their turn, for the Trunk had been search'd before; but they discover'd several Things much to my Satisfaction, as particularly a Parcelof Money in French Pistoles, and some Dutch Ducatoons, or Rix Dollars, and the rest was chiefly two Perriwigs, wearing Linnen, Rasors, Wash-Balls, Perfumes and other useful Things Necessary for a Gentleman; which all pass'd for my Husband's, and so I was quit of them.
It was now very early in the Morning, and not Light; and I knew not well what Course to take; for I made no Doubt but I should be pursu'd in the Morning, and perhaps be taken with the things about me; so I resolv'd upon taking new Measures; I went publickly to an Inn in the Town with my Trunk, as I call'd it, and having taken the Substance out, I did not think the Lumber of it worth my concern; however, I gave it the Landlady of the House with a Charge to take Care of it, and lay it up safe till I should come again, and away I walk'd into the Street.
When I was got into the Town a great way from the Inn, I met with an antient Woman who had just open'd her Door, and I fell into Chat with her, and ask'd her a great many wild Questions of things all remote to my Purpose and Design, but in my Discourse I found by her how the Town was situated, that I was in a Street which went out towards Hadly; but that such a Street went towards the Water-side, such a Street went into the Heart of the Town; and at last, such a Street went towards Colchester, and so the London Road lay there.
I had soon my Ends of this old Woman; for I only wanted to know which was the London Road, and away I walk'd as fast as I could; not that I intended to go on Foot, either to London or to Colchester, but I wanted to get quietly away from Ipswich.
I walk'd about two or three Mile, and then I met a plain Countryman, who was busy about some Husbandry work I did not know what; and I ask'd him a great many Questions first, not much to the purpose; but at last told him I was going for London, and the Coach was full, and I cou'd not get a Passage, and ask'd him if he cou'd not tell me where to hire a Horse that would carry double, and an honest Man to ride before me to Colchester, so that I might get a Place there in the Coaches; the honest Clown look'd earnestly at me, and said nothing for above half a Minute; when scratching his Pole, a Horse say you, and to Colchester to carry double; why yes Mistress, alack-a-day, you may have Horses enough for Money; well Friend, says I, that I take for granted, I don't expect it without Money: Why but Mistress, says he, how much are you willing to give? nay, says I again, Friend, I don't know what your Rates are in the Country here, for I am a Stranger; but if you can get one for me, get it as Cheap as you can, and I'll give you somewhat for your Pains.
Why that's honestly said too, says the Countryman; not so honest neither, said I, to myself, if thou knewest all; why Mistress, says he, I have a Horse that will carry Double, and I don't much care if I go myself with you, an' you like; Will you, says I? well I believe you are an honest Man, if you will, I shall be glad of it, I'll pay you in Reason; why look ye Mistress, says he, I won't be out of Reason with you, then if I carry you to Colchester, it will be worth five Shillings for myself and my Horse, for I shall hardly come back to Night.
In short, I hir'd the honest Man and his Horse; but when we came to a Town upon the Road, I do not remember the Name of it, but it stands upon a River, I pretended myself very ill, and I could go no farther that Night, but if he would stay there with me, because I was a Stranger I would pay him for himself, and his Horse with all my Heart.
This I did because I knew the Dutch Gentlemen and their Servants would be upon the Road that Day, either in the Stage Coaches, or riding Post, and I did not know but the drunken Fellow, or some body else that might have seen me at Harwich, might see me again, and I thought that in one Days stop they would be all gone by.
We lay all that Night there, and the next Morning it was not very early when I set out, so that it was near Ten a-Clock by that time I got to Colchester: It was no little Pleasure that I saw the Town, where I had so many pleasant Days, and I made many Enquiries after the good old Friends, I had once had there, but could make little out, they were all dead or remov'd: The young Ladies had been all married or gone to London; the old Gentleman, and the old Lady, that had been my early Benefactress all dead; and which troubled me most, the young Gentleman my first Lover, and afterwards my Brother-in-Law, was dead; but two Sons Men grown, were left of him, but they too were Transplanted to London.
I dismiss'd my old Man here, and stay'd incognito for three or four Days in Colechester, and then took a Passage in a Waggon, because I would not venture being seen in the Harwich Coaches; but I needed not have used so much Caution, for there was no Body in Harwich, but the Woman of the House, could have known me; nor was it rational to think that she, considering the hurry she was in, and that she never saw me but once, and that by Candle light, should have ever discover'd me.
I was now return'd to London, and tho' by the Accident of the last Adventure, I got something considerable, yet I was not fond of any more Country rambles; nor should I have ventur'd Abroad again if I had carried the Trade on to the End of my Days; I gave my Governess a History of my Travels, she lik'd the Harwich Journey well enough, and in Discoursing of these things between ourselves she observ'd, that a Thief being a Creature that Watches the Advantages of other Peoples mistakes, 'tis impossible but that to one that is vigilant and industrious many Opportunities must happen, and therefore she thought that one so exquisitely keen in the Trade as I was, would scarce fail of something wherever I went.
On the other hand, every Branch of my Story, if duly consider'd, may be useful to honest People, and afford a due Caution to People of some sort, or other, to Guard against the like Surprizes, and to have their Eyes about them when they have to do with Strangers of any kind, for 'tis very seldom that some Snare or other is not in their way. The Moral indeed of all my History is left to be gather'd by the Senses and Judgment of the Reader; I am not Qualified to preach to them, let the Experience of one Creature compleatly Wicked, and compleatly Miserable, be a Storehouse of useful warning to those that read.
I am drawing now towards a new Variety of Life: Upon my return, being hardened by a long Race of Crime, and Success unparallel'd, I had, as I have said, no thoughts of laying down a Trade, which if I was to judge by the Example of others, must however End at last in Misery and Sorrow.
It was on the Christmas-day following, in the Evening, that to finish a long Train of Wickedness, I went Abroad to see what might offer in my way; when going by a Working Silver-Smith's in Foster-lane, I saw a tempting Bait indeed, and not to be resisted by one of my Occupation; for the Shop had no Body in it, and a great deal of loose Plate lay in the Window, and at the Seat of the Man, who I suppose Work'd at one side of the Shop.
I went boldly in and was just going to lay my Hand upon a peice of Plate, and might have done it, and carried it clear off, for any care that the Men who belong'd to the Shop had taken of it; but an officious Fellow in a House, on the other Side of the Way, seeing me go in, and that there was no Body in the Shop, comes running over the Street, and without asking me what I was, or who, seizes upon me, and cries out for the People of the House.
I had not touch'd any thing in the Shop, and seeing a glimpse of some Body running over, I had so much presence of Mind, as to knock very hard with my Foot on the Floor of the House, and was just calling out too, when the Fellow laid Hands on me.
However as I had always most Courage, when I was in most danger; so when he laid Hands on me, I stood very high upon it, that I came in, to buy half a Dozen of silver Spoons, and to my good Fortune, it was a Silver-smith's that sold Plate, as well as work'd Plate, for other Shops: The Fellow laugh'd at that Part, and put such a value upon the Service that he had done his Neighbour, that he would have it be, that I came not to buy, but to steal, and raising a great Crowd, I said to the Master of the Shop, who by this time was fetch'd Home from some Neighbouring Place, that it was in vain to make a Noise, and enter into Talk there of the Case; the Fellow had insisted, that I came to steal, and he must prove it, and I desir'd we might go before a Magistrate without any more Words; for I began to see I should be too hard for the Man that had seiz'd me.
The Master and Mistress of the Shop were really not so violent, as the man from tother side of the Way; and the Man said, Mistress you might come into the Shop with a good Design for ought I know, but it seem'd a dangerous thing for you to come into such a Shop as mine is, when you see no Body there, and I cannot do so little Justice to my Neightbour, who was so kind, as not to acknowledge he had Reason on his Side; tho' upon the whole I do not find you attempt'd to take any thing, and I really know not what to do in it: I press'd him to go before a Magistrate with me, and if any thing cou'd be prov'd on me, that was like a design, I should willingly submit, but if not I expected reparation.
Just while we were in this Debate, and a Crowd of People gather'd about the Door, came by Sir T.B., an Alderman of the City, and Justice of the Peace, and the Goldsmith hearing of it, entreated his Worship to come in and decide the Case.
Give the Goldsmith his due, he told his Story with a great deal of Justice and Moderation, and the Fellow that had come over, and seiz'd upon me, told his with as much Heat, and foolish Passion, which did me good still: It came then to my turn to speak, and I told his Worship that I was a Stranger in London, being newly come out of the North, that I Lodg'd in such a Place, that I was passing this Street, and went into a Goldsmith's Shop to buy half a Dozen of Spoons; by great good Luck I had an old silver Spoon in my Pocket, which I pull'd out, and told him I had carried that Spoon to match it with half a Dozen of new ones, that it might match some I had in the Country.
That seeing no Body in the Shop, I knock'd with my Foot very hard to make the People hear, and had also call'd aloud with my Voice: 'Tis true, there was loose Plate in the Shop, but that no Body cou'd say I had touch'd any of it; that a Fellow came running into the Shop out of the Street, and laid Hands on me in a furious manner, in the very Moment, while I was calling for the People of the House; that if he had really had a mind to have done his Neighbour any Service, he should have stood at a distance, and silently watch'd to see whether I had touch'd any thing, or no, and then have taken me in the Fact: That is very true, says Mr. Alderman, and turning to the Fellow that stopt me, he ask'd him if it was true that I knock'd with my Foot? he said yes I had knock'd, but that might be because of his coming; Nay, says the Alderman taking him short, now you contradict yourself, for just now you said, she was in the Shop with her back to you, and did not see you till you came upon her; now it was true, that my back was partly to the Street, but yet as my Business was of a kind that requir'd me to have Eyes every way, so I really had a glance of him running over, as I said before, tho' he did not perceive it.
After a full hearing, the Alderman gave it as his Opinion, that his Neighbour was under a Mistake, and that I was Innocent, and the Goldsmith acquiesc'd in it too, and his Wife, and so I was dismiss'd; but as I was going to depart, Mr. Alderman said, but bold Madam, if you were designing to buy Spoons I hope you will not let my Friend here lose his Customer by the Mistake: I readily answered, no Sir, I'll buy the Spoons still if he can Match my odd Spoon, which I brought for a Pattern, and the Goldsmith shew'd me some of the very same Fashion; so he weigh'd the Spoons, and they came to five and thirty Shillings, so I pulls out my Purse to pay him, in which I had near 20 Guineas, for I never went without such a Sum about me, whatever might happen, and I found it of use at other times as well as now.
When Mr. Alderman saw my Money, be said, well Madam, now I am satify'd you were wrong'd, and it was for this Reason, that I mov'd you should buy the Spoons, and staid till you had bought them, for if you had not had Money to pay for them, I should have suspected that you did not come into the Shop to buy, for the sort of People who come upon those Designs that you have been Charg'd with, are seldom troubl'd with much Gold in their Pockets, as I see you are.
I smil'd, and told his Worship, that then I ow'd something of his Favour to my Money, but I hop'd he saw Reason also in the Justice he had done me before; he said, yes he had, but this had confirm'd his Opinion, and he was fully satisfy'd now of my having been injur'd; so I came well off from an Affair, in which I was at the very brink of Destruction.
It was but three Days after this, that not at all made Cautious by my former Danger as I us'd to be, and still pursuing the Art which I had so long been employ'd in, I ventur'd into a House where I saw the Doors open, and furnish'd myself as I thought verily without being perceiv'd, with two Peices of flower'd Silks, such as they call Brocaded Silk, very rich; it was not a Mercers Shop, nor a Warehouse of a Mercer, but look'd like a private Dwelling-House, and was it seems Inhabited by a Man that sold Goods for a Weaver to the Mercers, like a Broker or Factor.
That I may make short of the black Part of this Story, I was attack'd by two Wenches that came open Mouth'd at me just as I was going out at the Door, and one of them pull'd me back into the Room, while the other shut the Door upon me; I would have given them good Words, but there was no room for it; two fiery Dragons cou'd not have been more furious, they Tore my Cloaths, Bully'd and Roar'd, as if they would have murther'd me; the Mistress of the House came next, and then the Master, and all outrageous.
I gave the Master very good Words, told him the Door was open, and things were a Temptation to me, that I was poor, and distress'd, and Poverty was what many could' not resist, and beg'd him with Tears to have pity on me; the Mistress of the House was mov'd with Compassion, and enclin'd to have let me go, and had almost perswaded her Husband to it also, but the sawcy Wenches were run even before they were sent, and had fetch'd a Constable, and then the Master said, he could not go back, I must go before a Justice, and answer'd his Wife that he might come into Trouble himself if he should let me go.
The sight of a Constable indeed struck me, and I thought I should have sunk into the Ground; I fell into faintings, and indeed the People themselves thought I would have died, when the Woman argued again for me, and entreated her Husband, seeing they had lost nothing to let me go: I offer'd him to pay for the two Peices whatever the value was, tho' I had not got them, and argu'd that as he had his Goods, and had really lost nothing, it would be cruel to pursue me to Death and have my Blood for the bare Attempt of taking them. I put the Constable in mind too that I had broke no Doors, nor carried any thing away; and when I came to the Justice, and pleaded there that I had neither broken any thing to get in, nor carried any thing out, the Justice was enclin'd to havereleas'd me; but the first sawcy Jade that stop'd me, affirming that I was going out with the Goods, but that she stop'd me and pull'd me back, the Justice upon that point committed me, and I was carried to Newgate; that horrid Place! my very Blood chills at the mention of its Name; the Place, where so many of my Comrades had been lock'd up, and from whence they went to the fatal Tree; the Place where my Mother suffered so deeply, where I was brought into the World, and from whence I expected no Redemption, but by an infamous Death: To conclude, the Place that had so long expected me, and which with so much art and Success I had so long avoided.
I was now fix'd indeed; 'tis impossible to describe the terror of my Mind, when I was first brought in, and when I look'd round upon all the horrors of that dismal Place: I look'd on my self as lost, and that I had nothing to think of, but of going out of the World, and that with the utmost Infamy; the hellish Noise, the Roaring, Swearing and Clamour, the Stench and Nastiness, and all the dreadful Afflicting things that I saw there; joyn'd to make the Place seem an Emblem of Hell itself, and a kind of an Entrance into it.
Now Ireproach'd my self with the many hints I had had – as I have mention'd above, from my own Reason, from the Sense of my good Circumstances, and of the many Dangers I had escap'd to leave off while I was well, and how I had withstood them all and hardened my Thoughts against all Fear; it seem'd to me that I was hurried on by an inevitable Fate to this Day of Misery, and that now I was to Expiate all my Offences at the Gallows, that I was now to give satisfaction to Justice with my Blood, and that I was to come to the last Hour of my Life, and of my Wickedness together: These things pour'd themselves in upon my Thoughts in a confus'd manner, and left me overwhelm'd with Melancholly and Despair.
Then I repented heartily of all my Life past, but that Repentance yielded me no Satisfaction, no Peace, no not in the least, because, as I said to myself, it was repenting after the Power of farther Sinning was taken away: I seem'd not to Mourn that I had committed such Crimes, and for the Fact, as it was an Offence against God and my Neighbour; but that I was to be punish'd for it; I was a Penitent as I thought, not that I had sinn'd, but that I was to suffer, and this took away all the Comfort of my Repentance in my own Thoughts.
I got no sleep for several Nights or Days after I came into that wretch'd Place, and glad I wou'd have been for some time to have died there, tho' I did not consider dying as it ought to be consider'd neither; indeed nothing could be fill'd with more horror to my Imagination than the very Place, nothing was more odious to me than the Company that was there: O! if I had but been sent to any Place in the World, and not to Newgate, I should have thought myself happy.
In the next Place, how did the harden'd Wretches that were there before me Triumph over me? what! Mrs. Flanders come to Newgate at last? what, Mrs. Mary, Mrs. Molly, and after that plain Moll Flanders? They thought the Devil had help'd me, they said, that I had reign'd so long: They expected me there many Years ago they said, and was I come at last? then they flouted me with Dejections, welcom'd me to the Place, wish'd me Joy, bid me have a good Heart, not be cast down, things might not be so bad as I fear'd, and the like; then call'd for Brandy, and drank to me; but put it all up to my Score, for they told me I was but just come to the College, as they call'd it, and sure I had Money in my Pocket, tho' they had none.
I ask'd one of this Crew how long she had been there? she said four Months; I ask'd her how the Place look'd to her when she first came into it; just as it did now to me, says she, dreadful and frightful, that she thought she was in Hell, and I believe so still, adds she, but it is natural to me now, I don't disturb myself about it: I suppose, says I, you are in no danger of what is to follow: Nay, says she, you are mistaken there I am sure, for I am under Sentence, only I pleaded my Belly, but am no more with Child, than the Judge that try'd me, and I expect to be called down next session; this CALLING DOWN is calling down to their former Judgement, when a Woman has been respited for her Belly, but proves not to be with Child, or if she has been with Child, and has been brought to Bed. Well says I, and are you thus easy? ay, says she, I can't help myself, what signifyes being sad? If I am hang'd there's an End of me, and away she turn'd Dancing, and Sings as she goes, the following Piece of Newgate Wit,
If I swing by the String,
I shall hear the Bell ring,1
And then there's an End of poor Jenny.
I mention this, because it would be worth the Observation of any Prisoner, who shall hereafter fall into the same Misfortune and come to that dreadful Place of Newgate; how Time, Necessity, and Conversing with the Wretches that are there Familiarizes the Place to them; how at last they become reconcil'd to that which at first was the greatest Dread upon their Spirits in the World, and are as impudently Chearful and Merry in their Misery, as they were when out of it.
I cannot say, as some do, this Devil is not so black, as he is painted; for indeed no Colours can represent that Place to the Life; nor any Soul Conceive aright of it, but those who have been Sufferers there: But how Hell should become by degrees so natural, and notonly tollerable, but even agreeable, is a thing Unintelligible, but by those who have Experienc'd it as I have.
The same Night that I was sent to Newgate, I sent the News of it to my old Governess, who was surpriz'd at it you may be sure, and spent the Night almost as ill out of Newgate, as I did in it.
The next Morning, she came to see me, she did what she cou'd to Comfort me, but she saw that was to no purpose, however, as she said, to sink under the Weight, was but to encrease the Weight; she immediately applied herself to all the proper Methods to prevent the Effects of it, which we fear'd; and first she found out the two fiery Jades that had surpriz'd me; she tamper'd with them, persuaded them, offer'd them Money, and in a Word, try'd all imaginable ways to prevent a Prosecution; she offer'd one of the Wenches 100l. to go away from her Mistress, and not to appear against me; but she was so resolute, that tho' she was but a Servant Maid at 3l. a Year Wages or thereabouts, she refus'd it, and would have refus'd, as my Governess said she believ'd, if she had offer'd her 500l. Then she attack'd the other Maid, she was not so hard-Hearted as the other; and sometimes seem'd enclin'd to be merciful; but the first Wench kept her up, and would not so much as let my Governess talk with her, but threatn'd to have her up for Tampering with the Evidence.
Then she apply'd to the Master, that is to say, the Man whose Goods had been stol'n, and particularly to his Wife, who was enclin'd at first to have some Compassion for me; she found the Woman the same still, but the Man alledg'd he was bound to Prosecute, and that he should forfeit his Recognizance.
My Governess offer'd to find Friends that should get his Recognizances off of the File, as they call it, and that he should not suffer; but it was not possible to Convince him, that he could be safe any way in the World, but by appearing against me; so I was to have three Witnesses of Fact against me, the Master and his two Maids, that is to say, I was as certain to be cast for my Life, as I was that I was alive, and I had nothing to do, but to think of dying: I had but a sad foundation to build upon for that, as I said before, for all my Repentance appear'd to me to be only the Effect of my fear of Death, not a sincere regret for the wicked Life that I had liv'd, and which had brought this Misery upon me, or for the offending my Creator, who was now suddenly to be my Judge.
I liv'd many Days here under the utmost horror; I had Death as it were in view, and thought of nothing Night or Day, but of Gibbets and Halters, evil Spirits and Devils; it is not to be expressed how I was harass'd, between the dreadful Apprehensions of Death, and the Terror of my Conscience reproaching me with my past horrible Life.
The Ordinary of Newgate came to me, and talk'd a little in his way, but all his Divinity run upon Confessing my Crime, as he call'd it, (tho' he knew not what I was in for) making a full Discovery, and the like, without which he told me God would never forgive me; and he said so little to the Purpose that I had no manner of Consolation from him; and then to observe the poor Creature preaching Confession and Repentance to me in the Morning, and find him drunk with Brandy by Noon; this had something in it so shocking, that I began to nauseate the Man, and his Work too by Degrees, for the sake of the Man; so that I desired him to trouble me no more.
I know not how it was, but by the indefatigable Application of my diligent Governess I had no Bill preferr'd against me the first Sessions, I mean to the Grand Jury, at Guild-Hall; so I had another Month, or five Weeks before me, and without Doubt this ought to have been accepted by me, as so much Time given me for Reflection upon what was past, and Preparation for what was to come; I ought to have esteem'd it, as a Space given me for Repentance, and have employ'd it as such; but it was not in me, I was sorry (as before) for being in Newgate, but had few Signs of Repentance about me.
On the Contrary, like the Water in the Hollows of Mountains, which petrifies, and turns into Stone whatever they are suffer'd to drop upon; so the continual conversing with such a Crew of Hell-Hounds had the same common Operation upon me, as upon other People; I degenerated into Stone, I turn'd first Stupid and Senseless, and then Brutish and Thoughtless, and at last raving Mad as any of them were; in short, I become as naturally pleas'd and easy with the Place, as if indeed I had been Born there.
It is scarce possible to imagine that our Natures should be capable of so much Degeneracy, as to make that pleasant and agreeable that in it self is the most compleat Misery. Here was a Circumstance, that I think it is scarce possible to mention a worse; I was as exquisitely miserable, as it was possible for any one to be, that had Life and Health, and Money to help them as I had.
I had a Weight of Guilt upon me, enough to sink any Creature who had the least Power of Reflection left, and had any Sense upon them of the Happiness of this Life, or the Misery of another; I had at first, some Remorse indeed, but no Repentance; I had now, neither Remorse or Repentance: I had a Crime charg'd on me, the Punishment of which was Death; the Proof so Evident, that there was no Room for me, so much as to plead not guilty; I had the Name of an old Offender, so that I had nothing to expect but Death, neither had I myself any thoughts of escaping, and yet a certain strange Lethargy of Soul possess'd me, I had no Trouble, no Apprehensions, no Sorrow about me, the first Surprize was gone; I was, I may well say, I know not how; my Senses, my Reason, nay, my Conscience, were all a-sleep; my Course of Life for forty Years had been a horrid Complication of Wickedness; Whoredom, Adultery, Incest, Lying, Theft, and, in a Word, everything but Murther, and Treason, had been my Practice, from the Age of Eighteen, or thereabouts to Threescore; and now I was ingulph'd in the Misery of Punishment, and had an infamous Death at the Door, and yet I had no Sense of my Condition, no Thought of Heaven or Hell, at least, that went any farther than a bare flying Touch, like the Stitch or Pain that gives a Hint and goes off; I neither had a Heart to ask God's Mercy, or indeed to think of it, and in this I think I have given a brief Description of the compleatest Misery on Earth.
All my terrifying Thoughts were past, the Horrors of the Place, were become familiar, and I felt no more Uneasiness at the Noise and Clamours of the Prison, than they did who made that Noise; in a Word, I was become a meer Newgate-Bird, as wicked and as outragious as any of them; nay, I scarce retain'd the Habit and Custom of good Breeding and Manners, which all along 'till now run thro' my Conversation; so thoro' a Degeneracy had possess'd me, that I was no more the same Thing that I had been, than if I had never been otherwise than what I was now.
In the middle of this harden'd Part of my Life, I had another sudden Surprize, which call'd me back a little to that Thing call'd Sorrow, which, indeed, I began to be past the Sense of before: They told me one Night, that there was brought into the Prison late the Night before, three Highway-Men, who had committed a Robbery somewhere, on Hounslow-Heath, I think it was, and were pursu'd to Uxbridge by the Country, and there taken after a gallant Resistance, in which, many of the Country People were wounded, and some kill'd.
It is not to be wonder'd that we Prisoners, were all desirous enough to see these brave, topping Gentlemen that were talk'd up to be such, as their Fellows had not been known, andespecially because it was said they would in the Morning be remov'd into the Press-Yard, having given Money to the head Master of the Prison, to be allow'd the Liberty of that better Place: So we that were Women plac'd our selves in the Way that we would be sure to see them; but nothing could express the Amazement and Surprize I was in, when the first Man that came out, I knew to be my Lancashire Husband, the same with whom I liv'd so well at Dunstable, and the same who I afterwards saw at Brickill, when I was married to my last Husband, as has been related.
I was struck Dumb at the Sight, and knew neither what to say, or what to do; he did not know me, and that was all the present Relief I had, I quitted my Company, and retir'd as much as that dreadful Place suffers any Body to retire, and cry'd vehemently for a great while; dreadful Creature, that I am, said I, How many poor People have I made Miserable? How many desperate Wretches have I sent to the Devil? This Gentleman's Misfortunes I plac'd all to my own Account: He had told me at Chester, he was ruin'd by that Match, and that his Fortunes were made desperate on my Account; for that thinking I had been a Fortune, he was run into Debt more than he was able to pay; that he would go into the Army, and carry a Musquet, or buy a Horse and take a Tour, as he call'd it; and tho' I never told him that I was a Fortune, and so did not actually deceive him my self, yet I did incourage its having it thought so, and so I was the Occasion originally of his Mischief.
The Surprize of this Thing only, struck deeper in my Thoughts, and gave me stronger Reflections than all that had befallen me before; I griev'd Day and Night, and the more, for that they told me, he was the Captain of the Gang, and that he had committed so many Robberies, that Hind, or Whitney, or the Golden Farmer were Fools to him; that he would surely be hang'd if there were no more Men left in the Country; and that there would be abundance of People come in against him.
I was overwhelm'd with Grief for him; my own Case gave me no Disturbance compar'd to this, and I loaded my self with Reproaches on his Account; I bewail'd my Misfortunes, and the Ruin he was now come to, at such a Rate, that I relish'd nothing now, as I did before, and the first Reflections I made upon the horrid Life I had liv'd, began to return upon me, and as these Things return'd, my Abhorrence of the Place, and of the Way of living in it, return'd also; in a Word, I was perfectly chang'd, and become another Body.
While I was under these Influences of Sorrow for him, came Notice to me that the next Sessions there would be a Bill preferr'd to the Grand Jury against me, and that I should be try'd for my Life: My Temper was touch'd before, the wretched Boldness of Spirit, which I had acquir'd, abated, and conscious Guilt began to flow in my Mind: In short, I began to think, and to think indeed is one real Advance from Hell to Heaven; all that harden'd State and Temper of Soul, which I said so much of before, is but a Deprivation of Thought; he that is restor'd to his Thinking, is restor'd to himself.
As soon as I began, I say to think, the first thing that occurr'd to me broke out thus; Lord! what will become of me? I shall be cast to be sure, and there is nothing beyond that, but Death! I have no Friends, what shall I do? I shall be certainly Cast! Lord! have Mercy upon me! What will become of me! This was a sad Thought, you will say, to be the first (after so long Time) that had started in my Soul of that kind, and yet, even this was nothing, but Fright, at what was to come; there was not a Word of sincere Repentance in it all. However, I was dreadfully dejected, and disconsolate to the last Degree; and as I had no Friend to communicate my distress'd Thoughts to, it lay so heavy upon me, that it threw me into Fits, and Swoonings several times a Day. I sent for my old Governess, and she, give her, her Due, acted the Part of a true Friend, she left no Stone unturn'd to prevent the Grand Jury finding the Bill; she went to several of the Jury Men, talk'd with them, and endeavour'd to possess them with favourable Dispositions, on Account that nothing was taken away, and no House broken, & c. but all would not do; the two Wenches swore home to the Fact, and the Jury found the Bill for Robbery and House-breaking, that is for Felony and Burglary.
I sunk down when they brought the News of it, and after I came to my self, I thought I should have died with the Weight of it: My Governess acted a true Mother to me, she pitty'd me, she cry'd with me, and for me; but she could not help me; and to add to the Terror of it, 'twas the Discourse all over the House, that I should dye for it; I could hear them talk it among themselves very often; and see them shake their Heads, and say they were sorry for it, and the like, as is usual in the Place; but still no Body came to tell me their Thoughts, till at last one of the Keepers came to me privately, and said with a Sigh, well Mrs. Flanders, you will be try'da Friday (this was but a Wednesday) what do you intend to do? I turn'd as white as a Clout, and said, God knows what I shall do, for my part I know not what to do; why, says he, I won't Flatter you, I would have you prepare for Death, for I doubt you will be Cast; and as you are an old Offender, I doubt you will find but little Mercy: They say, added he, your Case is very plain, and that the Witnesses swear so home against you, there will be no standing it.
This was a stab into the very Vitals of one under such a Burden, and I could not speak a Word good or bad, for a great while; at last I burst out into Tears, and said to him, O Sir, What must I do? Do, says he, send for a Minister, and talk with him; for indeed Mrs. Flanders, unless you have very good Friends, you are no Woman for this World.
This was plain dealing indeed, but it was very harsh to me, at least Ithought it so: Heleft me in the greatest Confusion imaginable, and all that Night I lay awake; and now I began to say my Prayers, which I had scarce done before since my last Husband's Death, or from a little while after; and truly I may well call it, saying my Prayers; for I was in such a Confusion, and had such horror upon my Mind, that tho' I cry'd, and repeated several times the Ordinary Expression of, Lord have Mercy upon me; I never brought myself to any Sense of being a miserable Sinner, as indeed I was, and of Confessing my Sins to God, and begging Pardon for the sake of Jesus Christ; I was overwhelm'd with the Sense of my Condition, being try'd for my Life, and being sure to be Executed, and on this Account, I cry'd out all Night, Lord! what will become of me? Lord! what shall I do? Lord have mercy upon me, and the like.
My poor afflicted Governess was now as much concern'd as I, and a great deal more truly Penitent; tho' she had no prospect of being brought to a Sentence, not but that she deserv'd it as much as I, and so she said herself; but she had not done any thing for many Years, other than receiving what I, and others had stolen, and encouraging us to steal it: But she cry'd and took on, like a distracted Body, wringing her Hands, and crying out that she was undone, that she believ'd there was a Curse from Heaven upon her, that she should be damn'd, that she had been the Destruction of all her Friends, that she brought such a one, and such a one, and such a one to the Gallows; and there she reckon'd up ten or eleven People, some of which I have given an Account of that came to untimely Ends, and that now she was the occasion of my Ruin, for she had persuaded me to go on, when I would have left off. I interrupted her there; no, Mother, no, said I, don't speak of that, for you would have had me left off when I got the Mercer's Money again, and when I came home from Harwich, and I would not hearken to you, therefore you have not been to blame, it is I only have ruin'd myself, I have brought myself to this Misery; and thus we spent many Hours together.
Well, there was no Remedy, the Prosecution went on, and on the Thursday I was carried down to the Sessions-House, where I was arraign'd, as they call'd it, and the next Day I was appointed to be Try'd. At the Arraignment I pleaded not guilty, and well I might, for I was indicted for Felony and Burglary; that is for feloniously stealing two Peices of Brocaded Silk, value 46l., the Goods of Anthony Johnson, and for breaking open the Doors; whereas I knew very well they could not pretend I had broken up the Doors, or so much as lifted up a Latch.
On the Friday I was brought to my Tryal, I had exhausted my Spirits with Crying for two or three Days before, that I slept better the Thursday Night than I expected, and had more Courage for my Tryal, than I thought possible for me to have.
When the Tryal began, and the Indictment was read, I would have spoke, but they told me the Witnesses must be heard first, and then I should have time to be heard. The Witnesses were the two Wenches, a Couple of hard Mouth'd Jades indeed, for tho' the thing was Truth in the main, yet they aggravated it to the utmost extremity, and swore I had the Goods wholly in my possession, that I had hid them among my Cloaths, that I was going off with them, that I had one Foot over the Threshold when they discover'd themselves, and then I put t'other over, sothat I was quite out of the House in the Street with the Goods before they took me, and then they seiz'd me, and took the Goods upon me: The Fact in general was true, but I insisted upon it, that they stop'd me before I had set my Foot clear of the Threshold: but that did not argue much, for I had taken the Goods and was bringing them away, if I had not been taken.
I pleaded that I had stole nothing, they had lost nothing, that the Door was open, and I went in with Design to buy, if seeing no Body in the House, I had taken any of them up in my Hand, it cou'd not be concluded that I intended to steal them, for that I never carried them farther than the Door to look on them with the better Light.
The Court would not allow that by any means, and made a kind of a Jest of my intending to buy the Goods, that being no Shop for the Selling of any thing, and as to carrying them to the Door to look at them, the Maids made their impudent Mocks upon that, and spent their Wit upon it very much; told the Court I had look'd at them sufficiently, and approv'd them very well, for I had pack'd them up, and was a going with them.
In short, I was found Guilty of Felony, but acquited of the Burglary, which was but small Comfort to me, the first bringing me to a Sentence of Death, and the last would have done no more: The next Day, I was carried down to receive the dreadful Sentence, and when they came to ask me what I had to say, why Sentence should not pass, I stood mute a while, but some Body prompted me aloud to speak to the Judges, for that they cou'd represent things favourably for me: This encourag'd me, and I told them I had nothing to say to stop the Sentence; but that I had much to say, to bespeak the Mercy of the Court, that I hop'd they would allow something in such a Case, for the Circumstances of it, that I had broken no Doors, had carried nothing off, that no Body had lost any thing; that the Person whose Goods they were, was pleas'd to say, he desir'd Mercy might be shown, which indeed he very honestly did, that at the worst it was the first Offence, and that I had never been before any Court of Justice before; and in a Word, I spoke with more Courage than I thought I cou'd have done, and in such a moving Tone, and tho' with Tears, [yet not so many Tears as to obstruct my Speech,] that I cou'd see it mov'd others to Tears that heard me.
The Judges sat Grave and Mute, gave me an easy Hearing, and time to say all that I would, but saying neither Yes, or No to it, Pronounc'd the Sentence of Death upon me; a Sentence to me like Death itself, which confounded me; I had no more Spirit left in me, I had no Tongue to speak, or Eyes to look up either to God or Man.
My poor Governess was utterly Disconsolate, and she that was my Comforter before, wanted Comfort now herself, and sometimes Mourning, sometimes Raging, was as much out of herself as any mad Woman in Bedlam: Nor was she only Disconsolate as to me, but she was struck with Horror at the Sense of her own wicked Life, and began to look back upon it with a Taste quite different from mine; for she was Penitent to the highest Degree for her Sins, as well as Sorrowful for the Misfortune: She sent for a Minister too, a serious pious good Man, and apply'd herself with such earnestness by his assistance to the Work of a sincere Repentance, that I believe, and so did the Minister too, that she was a true Penitent, and which is still more, she was not only so for the Occasion, and at that Juncture, but she continu'd so, as I was inform'd, to the Day of her Death.
It is rather to be thought of, than express'd, what was now my Condition; I had nothing before me but Death; and as I had no Friends to assist me, I expected nothing but to find my Name in the Dead Warrant, which was to come for the Execution next Friday, of five more and myself.
In the mean time my poor distress'd Governess sent me a Minister, who at her request came to visit me: He exhorted me seriously to repent of all my Sins, and to dally no longer with my Soul; not flattering myself with hopes of Life, which he said, he was inform'd there was no room to expect, but unfeign'dly to look up to God with my whole Soul, and to cry for Pardon in the Name of Jesus Christ. He back'd his Discourses with proper Quotations of Scripture, encouraging the greatest Sinner to repent, and turn from their evil Way, and when he had done, he kneeled down and pray'd with me.
It was now, that for the first Time, I felt any real Signs of Repentance; I now began to look back upon my past Life with abhorrence, and having a kind of View into the other Side of Time, the Things of Life, as I believe they do with every Body at such a Time, began to look with a different Aspect, and quite another Shape, than they did before: The Views of felicity, the joy, the Griefs of Life were quite other Things; and I had nothing in my Thoughts, but was so infinitely Superiour to what I had known in Life, that it appear'd to be the greatest stupidity to lay a Weight upon any thing tho' the most valuable in this World.
The Word Eternity represented it self with all its incomprehensible Additions, and I had such extended Notions of it, that I know not how to express them: Among the rest, how absurd did every pleasant Thing look? I mean, that we had counted pleasant before; when I reflected that these sordid Trifles were the things for which we forfeited eternal Felicity.
With these Reflections came in of meer Course, severe Reproaches for my wretched Behaviour in my past Life; that I had forfeited all hope of Happiness in the Eternity that I was just going to enter into; and on the Contrary, was entitled to all that was miserable; and all this with the frightful Addition of its being also Eternal.
I am not capable of reading Lectures of Instruction to any Body, but I relate this in the very manner in which things then appear'd to me, as far as I am able; but infinitely short of the lively impressions which they made on my Soul at that time; indeed those Impressions are not to be explain'd by words, or if they are, I am not Mistress of Words to express them; It must be the Work of every sober Reader to make just Reflections, as their own Circumstances may direct; and, this is what every one at some time or other may feel something of; I mean a clearer Sight into things to come, than they had here, and a dark view of their own Concern in them.
But I go back to my own Case; the Minister press'd me to tell him, as far as I thought convenient, in what State I found myself as to the Sight I had of things beyond Life; he told me he did not come as Ordinary of the Place, whose business it is to extort Confessions from Prisoners, for the farther detecting of other Offenders; that his business was to move me to such freedom of Discourse as might serve to disburthen my own Mind, and furnish him to administer Comfort to me as far as was in his Power; assur'd me, that whatever I said to him should remain with him, and be as much a Secret as if it was known only to God and myself; and that he desir'd to know nothing of me, but to qualifie him to give proper Advice to me, and to pray to God for me.
This honest friendly way of treating me, unlock'd all the Sluces of my Passions: He broke into my very Soul by it; and I unravell'd all the Wickedness of my Life to him: In a word, I gave him an Abridgment of this whole History; I give him the Picture of my Conduct for 50 years in Miniature.
I hid nothing from him, and he in return exhorted me to a sincere Repentance, explain'd to me what he meant by Repentance, and then drew out such a Scheme of infinite Mercy, proclaim'd from Heaven to Sinners of the greatest Magnitude that he left me nothing to say, that look'd like despair or doubting of being accepted, and in this Condition he left me the first Night.
He visited me again the next Morning, and went on with his Method of explaining the Terms of Divine Mercy, which according to him consisted of nothing more Difficult, than that of being sincerely desirous of it, and willing to accept it; only a sincere Regret for, and hatred of those things which render'd me so just an Object of divine Vengeance: I am not able to repeat the excellent Discourses of this extraordinary Man; all that I am able to do, is to say, that he reviv'd my Heart, and brought me into such a Condition, that I never knew any thing of in my Life before: I was cover'd with Shame and Tears for things past, and yet had at the same time a secret surprizing Joy at the Prospect of being a true Penitent, and obtaining the Comfort of a Penitent, I mean the hope of being forgiven; and so swift did Thoughts circulate, and so high did the impressions they had made upon me run, that I thought I cou'd freely have gone out that Minute to Execution, without any uneasiness at all, casting my Soul entirely into the Arms of infinite Mercy as a Penitent.
The good Gentleman was so mov'd, with a view of the influence, which he saw these things had on me, that he blessed God he had come to visit me, and resolv'd not to leave me till the last Moment.
It was no less than 12 Days after our receiving Sentence, before any were order'd for Execution, and then the Dead Warrant, as they call it, came down, and I found my Name was among them; a terrible blow this was to my new Resolutions, in deed my Heart sunk within me, and I swoon'd away twice, one after another, but spoke not a word: The good Minister was sorely Afflicted for me, and did what he could to comfort me with the same Arguments, and the same moving Eloquence that he did before, and left me not that Evening so long as the Prisonkeepers would suffer him to stay in the Prison, unless he wou'd be lock'd up with me all Night, which he was not willing to be.
I wonder'd much that I did not see him all the next Day, it being but the Day before the time appointed for Execution; and I was greatly discourag'd, and dejected, and indeed almost sunk for want of that Comfort, which he had so often, and with such Success yielded me in his former Visits; I waited with great impatience, and under the greatest oppressions of Spirits imaginable till about four a-Clock; when he came to my Apartment, for I had obtain'd the Favour by the help of Money, nothing being to be done in that Place without it, not to be kept in the Condemn'd Hole, among the rest of the Prisoners, who were to die, but to have a little dirty Chamber to my self.
My Heart leap'd within me for Joy, when I heard his Voice at the Door, even before I saw him; but let any one Judge what kind of Motion I found in my Soul, when after having made a short excuse for his not coming, he shew'd me that his time had been employed on my Account; that he had obtained a favourable Report from the Recorder in my Case, and in short that he had brought me a Reprieve.
He us'd all the Caution that he was able in letting me know what it would have been double Cruelty to have conceal'd; for as grief had overset me before, so Joy overset me now, and I fell into a more dangerous Swooning than at first, and it was not without Difficulty that I was recover'd at all.
The good Man having made a very Christian Exhortation to me, not to let the Joy of my Reprieve, put the Remembrance of my past Sorrow out of my Mind, and told me, that he must leave me, to go and enter the Reprieve in the Books, and show it to the Sheriffs, he stood up just before his going away, and in a very earnest Manner pray'd to God for me, that my Repentance might be made Unfeign'd and Sincere; and that my coming back as it were into Life again, might not be a returning to the Follies of Life, which I had made such solemn Resolutions to forsake; I joyn'd heartily in that Petition, and must needs say, I had deeper Impressions upon my Mind all that Night, of the Mercy of God in sparing my Life; and a greater Detestation of my Sins, from a Sense of that goodness than I had in all my Sorrow before.
This may be thought inconsistent in itself, and wide from the Business of this Book; Particularly, I reflect that many of those who may be pleas'd and diverted with the Relation of the wicked part of my Story, may not relish this, which is really the best part of my Life, the most Advantageous to my self, and the most instructive to others; such however will I hope allow me liberty to make my Story compleat: It would be a severe Satyr on such, to say they do not relish the Repentance as much as they do the Crime; and they had rather the History were a compleat Tragedy, as it was very likely to have been.
But I go on with my Relation, the next Morning there was a sad Scene indeed in the Prison; the first thing I was saluted with in the Morning, was the Tolling of the great Bell at St. Sepulchre's, which usher'd in the Day: As soon as it began to Toll, a dismal groaning and crying was heard from the Condemn'd Hole, where there lay six poor Souls, who were to be Executed that Day, some for one Crime, some for another, and two for Murther.
This was follow'd by a confus'd Clamour in the House, among the several Prisoners, expressing their aukward Sorrows for the poor Creatures that were to die, but in a manner extreamly differing one from another; some cried for them; some Brutishly huzza'd, and wish'd them a good Journey; some damn'd and curst those that had brought them to it; many pitying them; and some few, but very few praying for them.
There was hardly room for so much Composure of Mind, as was requir'd for me to bless the merciful Providence that had as it were snatch'd me out of the Jaws of this Destruction: I remained as it were Dumb and Silent, overcome with the Sense of it, and not able to express what I had in my Heart; for the Passions on such Occasions as these, are certainly so agitated as not to be able presently to regulate their own Motions.
All the while the poor condemn'd Creatures were preparing for Death, and the Ordinary as they call him, was busy with them, disposing them to submit to their Sentence: I say all this while I was seiz'd with a fit of trembling, as much as I cou'd have been, if I had been in the same Condition, as I was the Day before; I was so violently agitated by this Surprising Fit, that I shook as if it had been in an Ague; so that I could not speak or look, but like one Distracted: As soon as they were all put into the Carts and gone, which however I had not Courage enough to see, I say, as soon as they were gone, I fell into a fit of crying involuntarily, as a meer Distemper, and yet so violent, and it held me so long, that I knew not what Course to take, nor could I stop, or put a Checque to it, no, not with all the Strength and Courage I had.
This fit of crying held me near two Hours, and as I believe held me till they were all out of the World, and then a most humble Penitent serious kind of Joy succeeded; a real transport it was, or Passion of Thankfulness, and in this I continu'd most part of the Day.
In the Evening the Good Minister visited me again, and fell to his usual good Discourses, he Congratulated my having a space yet allow'd me for Repentance, whereas the State of those six poor Creatures was determin'd, and they were now past the Offers of Salvation: he press'd me to retain the same Sentiments of the things of Life, that I had when I had a View of Eternity; and at the End of all, told me that I should not conclude that all was over, that a Reprieve was not a Pardon, that he could not answer for the Effects of it; however I had this Mercy, that I had more Time given me, and it was my Business to improve that Time.
This Discourse left a kind of Sadness on my Heart, as if I might expect the Affair would have a tragical Issue still, which however he had no Certainty of, yet I did not at that time question him about it, he having said he would do his utmost to bring it to a good End, and that he hop'd he might, but he would not have me be Secure; and the Consequence shew'd that he had Reason for what he said.
It was about a Fortnight after this, that I had some just Apprehensions that I should be included in the Dead Warrant at the ensuing Sessions; and it was not without great Difficulty, and at last an humble Petition for Transportation, that I avoided it; so ill was I beholding to Fame, and so prevailing was the Report of being an old offender, tho' in that they did not do me strict Justice, for I was not in the Sense of the Law an old Offender, whatever I was in the Eye of the Judge; for I had never been before them in a judicial way before, so the Judges could not charge me with being an old Offender, but the Recorder was pleas'd to represent my Case as he thought fit.
I had now a Certainty of Life indeed, but with the hard Conditions of being order'd for Transportation, which was, I say, a hard Condition in it self, but not when comparatively consider'd; and therefore I shall make no Comments upon the Sentence, nor upon the Choice I was put to; we all shall choose any thing rather than Death, especially when 'tis attended with an uncomfortable Prospect beyond it, which was my Case.
The good Minister, whose Interest, tho' a Stranger to me, had obtain'd me the reprieve, mourn'd sincerely for his part; he was in Hopes, he said, that I should have ended my Days under the Influence of good Instruction, that I might not have forgot my former Distresses, and that I should not have been turn'd loose again among such a wretched Crew as are thus sent Abroad, where, he said, I must have more than ordinary secret Assistance from the Grace of God, if I did not turn as wicked again as ever.
I have not for a good while mention'd my Governess, who had been dangerously Sick, and being in as near a View of Death, by her Disease, as I was by my Sentence, was a very great Penitent; I say, I have not mention'd her, nor indeed did I see her in all this Time, but being now recovering, and just able to come Abroad, she came to see me.
I told her my Condition, and what a different flux and reflux of Fears, and Hopes I had been agitated with; I told her, what I had escap'd, and upon what Terms; and she was present, when the Minister express'd his Fears of my relapsing again into wickedness upon my falling into the wretch'd Company, that are generally transported: Indeed I had a melancholly Reflection upon it in my own Mind, for I knew what a dreadful Gang was always sent a way together, and said to my Governess, that the good Minister's Fears were not without Cause; Well, well, says she, but I hope you will not be tempted with such a horrid Example as that, and as soon as the Minister was gone, she told me, she would not have me Discourag'd, for perhaps Ways and Means might be found, to dispose of me in a particular Way, by my self, of which she would talk farther with me afterward.
I look'd earnestly at her, and thought she look'd more chearful than she usually had done, and I entertain'd immediately a thousand Notions of being deliver'd, but could not for my Life imagine the Methods, or think of one that was feizible; but I was too much concern'd in it, to let her go from me without explaining herself, which tho' she was very loath to do, yet, as I was still pressing, she answer'd me in a few Words, thus, Why, you have Money, have you not? Did you ever know one in your Life that was transported, and had a hundred Pound in his Pocket, I'll warrant ye Child, says she.
I understood her presently, but told her I saw no Room to hope for any thing, but a strict Execution of the Order, and as it was a Severity that was esteem'd a Mercy, there was no Doubt but it would be strictly observ'd; she said no more but this, we will try what can be done, and so we parted.
I lay in the Prison near fifteen Weeks after this; what the Reason of it was, I know not, but at the End of this Time I was put on Board of a Ship in the Thames, and with me a Gang of Thirteen, as harden'd vile Creatures as ever Newgate produc'd in my Time; and it would really well take up a History longer than mine to describe the Degrees of Impudence, and audacious Villany that those Thirteen were arriv'd to, and the manner of their behaviour in the Voyage; of which I have a very diverting Account by me, which the Captain of the Ship, who carry'd them over, gave me, and which he caus'd his Mate to Write down at large.
It may perhaps be thought trifling to enter here into a Relation of all the little Incidents which attended me in this Interval of my Circumstances; I mean, between the final Order for my Transportation, and the Time of going on Board the Ship, and I am too near the End of my Story to allow Room for it, but something relating to me and my Lancashire Husband, I must not omit.
He had, as I have observ'd already, been carry'd from the Master's Side of the ordinary Prison into the Press-Yard, with three of his Comrades, for they found another to add to them after some Time; here, for what Reason I knew not, they were kept without being brought to a Tryal almost three Months, it seems they found Means to Bribe or Buy off some who were to come in against them, and they wanted Evidence to convict them: After some puzzle on this Account, they made shift to get Proof enough against two of them, to carry them off; but the other two, of which my Lancashire Husband was one, lay still in Suspence: They had I think one positive Evidence against each of them; but the Law obliging them to have two Witnesses, they could make nothing of it; yet they were resolv'd not to part with the Men neither, not doubting but Evidence would at last come in; and in Order to this, I think Publication was made, that such Prisoners were taken, and any one might come to the Prison and see them.
I took this Opportunity to satisfy my Curiosity, pretending I had been robb'd in the Dunstable Coach, and that I would go to see the two Highway Men; but when I came into the Press-Yard, I so disguis'd my self, and muffled my Face up so, that he could see little of me, and knew nothing of who I was, but when I came back, I said publickly that I knew them very well.
Immediately it was all over the Prison, that Moll Flanders would turn Evidence against one of the Highway-Men, and that I was to come off by it from the Sentence of Transportation.
They heard of it, and immediately my Husband desir'd to see this Mrs. Flanders that knew him so well, and was to be an Evidence against him, andaccordingly, I had leave to go to him: I dress'd myself up as well as the best Cloaths that I suffer'd myself ever to appear in there, would allow me, and went to the Press-Yard, but had a Hood over my Face; he said little to me at first, but ask'd me if I Knew him; I told him, yes, very well; but as I conceal'd my Face, so I Counterfeited my Voice too, that he had no Guess at who I was: He ask'd me where I had seen him, I told him between Dunstable and Brickhill, but turning to the Keeper that stood by, I ask'd if I might not be admitted to talk with him alone, he said, yes, yes, and so very civily withdrew.
As soon as he was gone, and I had shut the Door, I threw off my Hood, and bursting out into Tears, my Dear; said I, do you not know me? He turn'd pale and stood Speechless, like one Thunder struck, and not able to conquer the Surprize, said no more but this, let me sit down; and sitting down by the Table, leaning his Head on his Hand, fix'd his Eyes on the Ground as one stupid: I cry'd so vehemently on the other Hand, that it was a good while e'er I could speak any more; but after I had given vent to my Passion, I repeated the same Words: MY DEAR, Do you not know me? At which he answer'd, YES, and said no more a good while.
After some time continuing in the surprize, as above, he cast up his Eyes towards me and said, How could you be so Cruel? I did not really understand what he meant; and I answer'd, How can you call me Cruel? To come to me, says he, in such a Place as this, is it not to insult me, I have not robb'd you, at least not on the Highway.
I perceiv'd by this, that he knew nothing of the miserable Circumstances I was in, and thought that having got Intelligence of his being there, I had come to up braid him with his leaving me; but I had too much to say to him to be affronted, and told him in a few Words, that I was far from coming to insult him, but at best I came to Condole mutually; that he would be easily satisfy'd, that I had no such View, when I should tell him that my Condition was worse than his, and that many ways: He look'd a little concern'd at the Expression of my Condition being worse than his; but with a kind of a smile, said, How can that be? when you see me Fetter'd, and in Newgate, and two of my Companions Executed already; can you say your Condition is worse than Mine?
Come my Dear, says I, we have a long peice of Work to do, if I should be to relate, or you to hear my unfortunate History; but if you will hear it, you will soon conclude with me that my Condition is worse than yours: How is that possible, says he, when I expect to be cast for my Life the very next Sessions? Yes says I, 'tis very possible, when I shall tell you that I have been cast for my Life three Sessions ago, and am now under Sentence of Death, is not my Case worse than yours?
Then indeed he stood silent again, like one struck Dumb, and after a little while he starts up, unhappy Couple! says he, How can this be possible? I took him by the Hand, come MY DEAR, said I, sit down, and let us compare our Sorrows: I am a Prisoner in this very House, and in a much worse Circumstance than you, and you will be satisfy'd I do not come to Insult you, when I tell you the particulars; and with this we sat down together, and I told him so much of my Story as I thought convenient, bringing it at last to my being reduc'd to great Poverty, and representing myself as fallen into some Company that led me to relieve my Distresses by a way that I had been utterly unacquainted with, and that they making an attempt on a Tradesman's House I was seiz'd upon, for having been but just at the Door, the Maid-Servant pulling me in; that I neither had broke any Lock, or taken any thing away, and that notwithstanding, that I was brought in Guilty, and Sentenc'd to Die; but that the Judges having been made sensible of the Hardship of my Circumstances, had obtain'd leave for me to be transported.
I told him I far'd the worse for being taken in the Prison for one Moll Flanders, who was a famous successful Thief, that all of them had heard of, but none of them had ever seen, but that as he knew was none of my Name; but I plac'd all to the account of my ill Fortune, and that under this Name I was dealt with as an old Offender, tho' this was the first thing they had ever known of me: I gave him a long Account of what had befallen me, since I saw him; but told him I had seen him since, he might think I had; then gave him an Account how I had seen him at Brickhill; how he was pursued, and how by giving an Account that I knew him, and that he was a very honest Gentleman, the Hue and Cry was stopp'd, and the High Constable went back again.
He listen'd most attentively to all my Story, and smil'd at the particulars, being all of them infinitely below what he had been at the Head of; but when I came to the Story of little Brickhill, he was surpriz'd, and was it you my Dear, said he, that gave the Check to the Mob, at Brickhill.
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