Very just again, says he, with all my Heart; so he wrote down that also and sign'd it.

Well, my Dear, says I, then I have but one Condition more to make with you, and that is, that as there is no body concern'd in it but you and I, you shall not discover it to any Person in the World, except your own Mother; and that in all the Measures you shall take upon the Discovery, as I am equally concern'd in it with you, tho' as Innocent as your self, you shall do nothing in a Passion, nothing to my Prejudice, or to your Mother's Prejudice, without my Knowledge and Consent.

This a little amaz'd him, and he wrote down the Words distinctly, but read them over and over before he sign'd them, hesitating at them several times, and repeating them; my Mother's Prejudice! and your Prejudice! What mysterious thing can this be? however, at last he sign'd it.

Well, says I, my Dear, I'll ask you no more under your Hand, but as you are to hear the most unexpected and surprizing thing that perhaps ever befel any Family in the World, I beg you to promise me you will receive it with Composure and a Presence of Mind suitable to a Man of Sense.

I'll do my utmost, says he, upon Condition you will keep me no longer in suspence, for you terrify me with all these Preliminaries.

Well then, says I, it is this, as I told you before in a Heat, that I was not your lawful Wife, and that our Children were not legal Children, so I must let you know now in calmness, and in kindness, but with Affliction enough, that I am your own Sister, and you my own Brother, and that we are both the Children of our Mother now alive, and in the House, who is convinc'd of the Truth of it, in a manner not to be denied or contradicted.

I saw him turn pale, and look wild, and I said, now remember your Promise, and receive it with Presence of Mind; for who cou'd have said more to prepare you for it, than I have done? However, I call'd a Servant, and got him a little Glass of Rum, which is the usual Dram of the Country, for he was fainting away.

When he was a little recover'd, I said to him, this Story you may be sure requires a long Explanation, and therefore have Patience and compose your Mind to hear it out, and I'll make it as short as I can, and with this, I told him what I thought was needful of the Fact, and particularly how my Mother came to discover it to me, as above; and now, my Dear, says I, you will see Reason for my Capitulations, and that I neither have been the Cause of this Matter, nor could be so, and that I could know nothing of it before now.

I am fully satisfied of that, says he, but 'tis a dreadful Surprize to me; however, I know a Remedy for it all, and a Remedy that shall put an End to all your Difficulties, without your going to England. That would be strange, said I, as all the rest; No, no, says he, I'll make it easy, there's no Body in the way of it all, but my self: He look'd a little disorder'd, when he said this, but I did not apprehend any thing from it at that time, believing, as it us'd to be said, that they who do those things never talk of them; or that they who talk of such things never do them.

But things were not come to their height with him, and I observ'd he became Pensive and Melancholly; and in a Word, as I thought a little Distemper'd in his Head: I endeavour'd to talk him into Temper, and into a kind of Scheme for our Government in the Affair, and sometimes he would be well, and talk with some Courage about it; but the Weight of it lay too heavy upon his Thoughts, and went so far that he made two Attempts upon himself, and in one of them had actually strangled himself, and had not his Mother come into the Room in the very Moment, he had died; but with the help of a Negro Servant, she cut him down and recover'd him.

Things were now come to a lamentable height: My pity for him now began to revive that Affection, which at first I really had for him, and I endeavour'd sincerely, by all the kind Carriage I could, to make up the Breach; but in short, it had gotten too great a Head, it prey'd upon his Spirits, and it threw him into a ling'ring Consumption, tho' it happen'd not to be Mortal. In this Distress I did not know what to do, as his Life was apparently declining, and I might perhaps have Marry'd again there, very much to my Advantage, had it been my Business to have staid in the Country; but my Mind was restless too, I hanker'd after coming to England, and nothing would satisfy me without it.

In short, by an unwearied importunity, my Husband, who was apparently decaying, as I observ'd, was at last prevail'd with, and so my Fate pushing me on, the way was made clear for me, and my Mother concurring, I obtain'd a very good Cargo for my coming to England.

When I parted with my Brother, for such I am now to call him; we agreed that after I arriv'd, he should pretend to have an Account that I was dead in England, and so might Marry again when he wou'd; he promis'd, and engag'd to me, to Correspond with me as a Sister, and to Assist and Support me as long as I liv'd; and that if he dy'd before me, he would leave sufficient to his Mother to take Care of me still, in the Name of a Sister, and he was in some respects just to this; but it was so oddly manag'd that I felt the Disappointments very sensibly afterwards, as you shall hear in its time.

I came away in the Month of August, after I had been Eight Years in that Country, and now a new Scene of Misfortunes attended me, which perhaps few Women have gone thro' the like.

We had an indifferent good Voyage, till we came just upon the Coast of England, and where we arriv'd in two and thirty Days, but were then ruffled with two or three Storms, one of which drove us away to the Coast of Ireland, and we put in at Kinsale: We remain'd there about thirteen Days, got some Refreshment on Shore, and put to Sea again, tho' we met with very bad Weather again, in which the Ship sprung her Main-mast, as they call'd it: But we got at last into Milford Haven in Wales, where, tho' it was remote from our Port, yet having my Foot safe upon the firm Ground of the Isle of Britain, I resolv'd to venture it no more upon the Waters, which had been so terrible to me; so getting my Cloaths and Money on Shore, with my Bills of Loading and other Papers, I resolv'd to come for London, and leave the Ship to get to her Port as she could; the Port whither she was bound, was to Bristol, where my Brother's chief Correspondent liv'd.

I got to London in about three Weeks, where I heard a little while after, that the Ship was arriv'd at Bristol, but at the same time had the Misfortune to know that by the violent Weather she had been in, and the breaking of her Main-mast, she had great Damage on Board, and that a great part of her Cargoe was spoil'd.

I had now a new Scene of Life upon my Hands, and a dreadful Appearance it had; I was come away with a kind of final Farewel; what I brought with me, was indeed considerable, had it come safe, and by the help of it, I might have married again tollerably well; but as it was, I was reduc'd to between two or three hundred Pounds in the whole, and this without any hope of Recruit. I was entirely without Friends, nay, even so much as without Acquaintances, for I found it was absolutely necessary not to revive former Acquaintance; and as for my subtle Friend that set me up formerly for a Fortune, she was dead and her Husband also.

The looking after my Cargoe of Goods soon after obliged me to take a Journey to Bristol, and during my Attendance upon that Affair, I took the Diversion of going to the Bath, for as I was still far from being old, so my Humour, which was always Gay, continu'd so to an Extream; and being now, as it were, a Woman of Fortune, tho' I was a Woman without a Fortune, I expected something or other might happen in the way, that might mend my Circumstances, as had been my Case before.

The Bath is a Place of Gallantry enough; Expensive, and full of Snares; I went thither indeed in the View of taking what might offer; but I must do my self Justice, as to protest I meant nothing but in an honest way, nor had any Thoughts about me at first that look'd the way, which afterwards I suffered them to be guided.

Here I stay'd the whole latter Season, as it is call'd there, and contracted some unhappy Acquaintance, which rather prompted the Follies I fell afterwards into, than fortify'd me against them: I liv'd pleasantly enough, kept good Company, that is to say, gay fine Company; but had the Discouragement to find this way of Living sunk me exceedingly, and that as I had no settled Income, so spending upon the main Stock, was but a certain kind of bleeding to Death; and this gave me many sad Reflections: However I shook them off, and still flatter'd my self that something or other might offer for my Advantage.

But I was in the wrong Place for it; I was not now at Redriff, where if I had set my self tollerably up, some honest Sea Captain or other might have talk'd with me upon the honourable Terms of Matrimony; but I was at the Bath, where Men find a Mistress sometimes, but very rarely look for a Wife; and Consequently all the Particular Acquaintances a Woman can expect there, must have some Tendency that way.

I had spent the first Season well enough, for tho' I had contracted some Acquaintance with a Gentleman, who came to the Bath for his Diversion, yet I had enter'd into no felonious Treaty: I had resisted some Casual Offers of Gallantry, and had manag'd that way well enough; I was not wicked enough to come into the Crime for the meer Vice of it, and I had no extraordinary Offers that tempted me with the main thing which I wanted.

However, I went this length the first Season, (viz.) I contracted an Acquaintance with a Woman in whose House I lodg'd, who, tho' she did not keep an ill House, yet had none of the best Principles in her self: I had on all Occasions behav'd my self so well as not to get the least Slur upon my Reputation, and all the Men that I had convers'd with, were of so good Reputation that I had not gotten the least Reflection, by conversing with them; nor did any of them seem to think there was room for a wicked Correspondence, if they had offered it; yet there was one Gentleman, as above, who always singled me out for the Diversion of my Company, as he call'd it, which, as he was pleased to say, was very agreeable to him, but at that time there was no more in it.

I had many Melancholly Hours at the Bath after all the Company was gone, for tho' I went to Bristol sometimes for the disposing my Effects, and for Recruits of Money, yet I chose to come back to the Bath for my Residence, because being on good Terms with the Woman, in whose House I lodg'd in the Summer, I found that during the Winter I liv'd rather cheaper there than I could do any where else; here, I say, I pass'd the Winter as heavily as I had pass'd the Autumn chearfully; but having contracted a nearer Intimacy with the said Woman, in whose House I lodg'd, I could not avoid communicating something of what lay hardest upon my Mind, and particularly the narrowness of my Circumstances: I told her also, that I had a Mother and a Brother in Virginia in good Circumstances, and as I had really written back to my Mother in particular to represent my Condition, and the great Loss I had receiv'd, so I did not fail to let my new Friend know, that I expected a Supply from thence, and so indeed I did; and as the Ships went from Bristol to York-River, in Virginia, and back again generally in less time than from London, and that my Brother corresponded chiefly at Bristol, I thought it was much better for me to wait here for my Returns, than to go to London.

My new Friend appear'd sensibly affected with my Condition, and indeed was so very kind, as to reduce the rate of my living with her to so low a Price during the Winter, that she convinc'd me she got nothing by me; and as for Lodging, during the Winter, I paid nothing at all.

When the Spring Season came on, she continu'd to be as kind to me as she could, and I lodg'd with her for a time, till it was found necessary to do otherwise; she had some Persons of Character that frequently lodg'd in her House, and in particular the Gentleman, who, as I said, singled me out for his Companion in the Winter before; and he came down again with another Gentleman in his Company and two Servants, and lodg'd in the same House: I suspected that my Landlady had invited him thither, letting him know that I was still with her, but she deny'd it.

In a Word, this Gentleman came down and continu'd to single me out for his peculiar Confidence; he was a compleat Gentleman, that must be confess'd, and his Company was agreeable to me, as mine, if I might believe him, was to him; he made no Professions to me, but of an extraordinary Respect, and he had such an Opinion of my Virtue, that, as he often profess'd, he believ'd, if he should offer any thing else, I should reject him with Contempt; he soon understood from me that I was a Widow, that I had arriv'd at Bristol from Virginia by the last Ships; and that I waited at the Bath till the next Virginia Fleet should arrive, by which I expected considerable Effects; I understood by him, that he had a Wife, but that the Lady was distemper'd in her Head, and was under the Conduct of her own Relations, which he consented to, to avoid any Reflection that might be cast upon him for mismanaging her Cure; and in the mean time he came to the Bath to divert his Thoughts under such a melancholly Circumstance.

My Landlady, who of her own accord encourag'd the Correspondence on all Occasions, gave me an advantageous Character of him, as a Man of Honour and of Virtue, as well as of a great Estate; and indeed I had Reason to say so of him too, for tho' we lodg'd both on a Floor, and he had frequently come into my Chamber, even when I was in Bed, and I also into his, yet he never offered any thing to me farther than a Kiss, or so much as sollicited me to any thing till long after, as you shall hear.

I frequently took Notice to my Landlady of his exceeding Modesty, and she again used to tell me, she believ'd it was so from the Beginning; however she used to tell me that she thought I ought to expect some Gratifications from him for my Company, for indeed he did as it were engross me. I told her, I had not given him the least Occasion to think I wanted it, or that I would accept of it from him; She told me, she would take that part upon her, and she manag'd it so dextrously, that the first time we were together alone, after she had talk'd with him, he began to enquire a little into my Circumstances, as how I had subsisted my self since I came on shore, and whether I did not want Money? I stood off very boldly, I told him that tho' my Cargoe of Tobacco was damag'd, yet that it was not quite lost: that the Merchant that I had been consigned to, had so honestly managed for me that I had not wanted, and that I hop'd, with frugal Management, I should make it hold out till more would come, which I expected by the next Fleet; that in the mean time I had retrench'd my Expences, and whereas I kept a Maid last Season, now I liv'd without; and whereas I had a Chamber and a Dining Room then on the first Floor, I now had but one Room two Pair of Stairs, and the like; but I live, said I, as well satisfy'd now as then; adding, that his Company had made me live much more chearfully than otherwise I should have done, for which I was much oblig'd to him; and so I put off all room for any Offer at the present: It was not long before he attack'd me again, and told me he found that I was backward to trust him with the Secret of my Circumstances, which he was sorry for; assuring me that he enquir'd into it with no design to satisfy his own Curiosity, but meerly to assist me if there was any Occasion; but since I would not own my self to stand in need of any Assistance, he had but one thing more to desire of me, and that was, that I would promise him that when I was any way streighten'd, I would frankly tell him of it, and that I would make use of him with the same Freedom that he made the Offer; adding, that I should always find I had a true Friend, tho' perhaps I was afraid to trust him.

I omitted nothing that was fit to be said by one infinitely oblig'd, to let him know, that I had a due Sense of his Kindness; and indeed from that time, I did not appear so much reserv'd to him as I had done before, tho' still within the Bounds of the strictest Virtue on both sides; but how free soever our Conversation was, I could not arrive to that Freedom which he desir'd, viz. to tell him I wanted Money, tho' I was secretly very glad of his Offer.

Some Weeks pass'd after this, and still I never ask'd him for Money; when my Landlady, a cunning Creature, who had often press'd me to it, but found that I could not do it, makes a Story of her own inventing, and comes in bluntly to me when we were together, O! Widow, says she, I have bad News to tell you this Morning: What is that, said I, is the Virginia Ships taken by the French? for that was my Fear. No, no, says she, but the Man you sent to Bristol Yesterday for Money is come back, and says he has brought none.

I could by no Means like her Project; I thought it look'd too much like prompting him, which he did not want, and I saw that I should lose nothing by being backward, so took her up short; I can't imagine why he should say so, said I, for I assure you he brought me all the Money I sent him for, and here it is, said I (pulling out my Purse with about 12 Guineas in it) and added, I intend you shall have most of it by and by.

He seem'd distasted a little at her talking as she did, as well as I, taking it as I fancy'd he would, as something forward of her; but when he saw me give such an Answer, he came immediately to himself: The next Morning we talk'd of it again, when I found he was fully satisfied; and smiling said, he hop'd I would not want Money, and not tell him of it, and that I had promis'd him otherwise: I told him I had been very much dissatisfied at my Landlady's talking so publickly the Day before of what she had nothing to do with; but I suppos'd she wanted what I ow'd her, which was about Eight Guineas, which I had resolv'd to give her, and had given it her the same Night.

He was in a mighty good Humour, when he heard me say, I had paid her, and it went off into some other Discourse at that time; but the next Morning he having heard me up before him, he call'd to me, and I answer'd; he ask'd me to come into his Chamber; he was in Bed when I came in, and he made me come and sit down on his Bed side, for he said he had something to say to me. After some very kind Expressions, he ask'd me, if I would be very honest to him, and give a sincere Answer to one thing he would desire of me: After some little Cavil with him at the word Sincere, and asking him if I had ever given him any Answers which were not Sincere, I promis'd him I would; why then his Request was, he said, to let him see my Purse; I immediately put my Hand into my Pocket, and laughing at him, pull'd it out, and there was in it three Guineas and a Half; then he ask'd me, if there was all the Money I had? I told him no, laughing again, not by a great deal.

Well then, he said, he would have me promise to go and fetch him all the Money I had, every Farthing: I told him I would, and I went into my Chamber, and fetch'd him a little private Drawer, where I had about six Guineas more, and some Silver, and threw it all down upon the Bed, and told him there was all my Wealth, honestly to a Shilling: He look'd a little at it, but did not tell it, and huddled it all into the Drawer again, and then reaching his Pocket, pull'd out a Key, and bad me open a little Walnut-tree Box he had upon the Table, and bring him such a Drawer, which I did: in this Drawer, there was a great deal of Money in Gold, I believe near 200 Guineas, but I knew not how much: He took the Drawer, and taking me by the Hand, made me put it in, and take a whole Handful; I was backward at that, but he held my Hand hard in his Hand, and put it into the Drawer, and made me take out as many Guineas almost as I could well take up at once.

When I had done so, he made me put them into my Lap, and took my little Drawer, and pour'd out all my own Money among his, and bad me get me gone, and carry it all into my own Chamber.

I relate this Story the more particularly, because of the good Humour of it, and to show the Temper with which we convers'd: It was not long after this, but he began every Day to find Fault with my Cloaths, with my Laces, and Head-dresses; and in a Word, press'd me to buy better, which by the way I was willing enough to do, tho' I did not seem to be so; I lov'd nothing in the World better than fine Cloaths, but I told him I must Housewife the Money he had lent me, or else I should not be able to pay him again. He then told me in a few Words, that as he had a sincere Respect for me, and knew my Circumstances, he had not lent me that Money, but given it me, and that he thought I had merited it from him, by giving him my Company so intirely as I had done: After this, he made me take a Maid, and keep House, and his Friend being gone, he obliged me to dyet him, which I did very willingly, believing, as it appear'd, that I should lose nothing by it, nor did the Woman of the House fail to find her Account in it too.

We had liv'd thus near three Months, when the Company beginning to wear away at the Bath, he talk'd of going away, and fain he would have me to go to London with him: I was not very easy in that Proposal, not knowing what Posture I was to live in there, or how he might use me: But while this was in Debate, he fell very Sick; he had gone out to a Place in Somersetshire, call'd Shepton, and was there taken very ill, and so ill that he could not Travel, so he sent his Man back to the Bath, to beg me that I would hire a Coach and come over to him: Before he went, he had left his Money and other things of Value with me, and what to do with them I did not know, but I secur'd them as well as I could, and lock'd up the Lodgings and went to him, where I found him very ill indeed, so I perswaded him to be carry'd in a Litter to Bath, where was more Help and better Advice to be had.

He consented, and I brought him to the Bath, which was about fifteen Miles, as I remember: here he continued very ill of a Fever, and kept his Bed five Weeks, all which time I nurs'd him and tended him as carefully as if I had been his Wife; indeed if I had been his Wife I could not have done more; I sat up with him so much and so often, that at last, indeed he would not let me sit up any longer, and then I got a Pallet Bed into his Room, and lay in it just at his Bed's Feet.

I was indeed sensibly affected with his Condition, and with the Apprehensions of losing such a Friend as he was, and was like to be to me, and I us'd to sit and cry by him many Hours together: At last he grew better, and gave hopes that he would recover, as indeed he did, tho' very slowly.

Were it otherwise than what I am going to say, I should not be backward to disclose it, as it is apparent I have done in other Cases; but I affirm, through all this Conversation, abating the coming into the Chamber when I or he was in Bed, and the necessary Offices of attending him Night and Day, when he was Sick, there had not pass'd the least immodest Word or Action between us. O! that it had been so to the last.

After some time he gathered Strength and grew well apace, and I would have remov'd my Pallet Bed, but he would not let me, till he was able to venture himself without any Body to sit up with him, when I remov'd to my own Chamber.

He took many Occasions to express his Sense of my Tenderness for him; and when he grew well he made me a Present of fifty Guineas for my Care, and, as he call'd it, hazarding my Life to save his.

And now he made deep Protestations of a sincere inviolable Affection for me, but with the utmost reserve for my Virtue, and his own: I told him I was fully satisfy'd of it; he carried it that length that he protested to me, that if he was naked in Bed with me, he would as sacredly preserve my Virtue, as he would defend it, if I was assaulted by a Ravisher; I believ'd him, and told him I did so; but this did not satisfy him, he would, he said, wait for some Opportunity to give me an undoubted Testimony of it.

It was a great while after this that I had Occasion, on my Business, to go to Bristol, upon which he hir'd me a Coach, and would go with me; and now indeed our Intimacy increas'd: From Bristol he carry'd me to Gloucester, which was meerly a Journey of Pleasure to take the Air; and here it was our hap to have no Lodgings in the Inn, but in one large Chamber with two Beds in it: The Master of the House going with us to show his Rooms, and coming into that Room, said very frankly to him, Sir, It is none of my Business to enquire whether the Lady be your Spouse or no, but if not, you may lye as honestly in these two Beds, as if you were in two Chambers, and with that he pulls a great Curtain which drew quite cross the Room, and effectually divided the Beds; well, says my Friend, very readily, these Beds will do, and as for the rest, we are too near a Kin to lye together, tho' we may lodge near one another; and this put an honest Face on the thing too. When we came to go to Bed, he decently went out of the Room till I was in Bed, and then went to Bed in the other Bed, but lay there talking to me a great while.

At last, repeating his usual saying, that he could lye naked in the Bed with me, and not offer me the least Injury, he starts out of his Bed, and now my Dear, says he, you shall see how just I will be to you, and that I can keep my Word, and away he comes to my Bed.

I resisted a little, but I must confess I should not have resisted him much, if he had not made those Promises at all; so after a little struggle, I lay still and let him come to Bed; when he was there he took me in his Arms, and so I lay all Night with him, but he had no more to do with me, or offer'd anything to me, other than embracing me, as I say, in his Arms, no not the whole Night, but rose up and dress'd him in the Morning, and left me as innocent for him as I was the Day I was born.

This was a surprising thing to me, and perhaps may be so to others, who know how the Laws of Nature Work; for he was a vigorous brisk Person; nor did he act thus on a Principle of Religion at all, but of meer Affection; insisting on it, that tho' I was to him the most agreeable Woman in the World, yet because he lov'd me he could not injure me.

I own it was a noble Principle, but as it was what I never saw before, so it was perfectly amazing. We travell'd the rest of the Journey as we did before, and came back to the Bath, where, as he had Opportunity to come to me when he would, he often repeated the same Moderation, and I frequently lay with him, and altho' all the Familiarities of Man and Wife were common to us, yet he never once offered to go any farther, and he valu'd himself much upon it; I do not say, that I was so wholly pleas'd with it as he thought I was; for I own I was much wickeder than he.

We liv'd thus near Two Years, only with this Exception, that he went three times to London in that time, and once he continu'd there four Months, but to do him Justice, he always supply'd me with Money to subsist on very Handsomely.

Had we continu'd thus, I confess we had had much to boast of; but as wise Men say, it is ill venturing too near the brink of a Command, so we found it; and here again I must do him the Justice to own that the first Breach was not on his Part: It was one Night that we were in Bed together warm and merry, and having drank, I think, a little more both of us, than usual, tho' not in the least to disorder us, when after some other Follies which I cannot Name, and being clasp'd close in his Arms, I told him, (I repeat it with shame and horror of soul) that I could find in my Heart to discharge him of his Engagement for one Night and no more.

He took me at my Word immediately, and after that, there was no resisting him; neither indeed had I any mind to resist him any more.

Thus the Government of our Virtue was broken, and I exchang'd the Place of Friend, for that unmusical harsh sounding Title of Whore. In the Morning we were both at our Penitentials, I cried very heartily, he express'd himself very sorry; but that was all either of us could do at that time, and the way being thus clear'd, and the Bars of Virtue and Conscience thus remov'd, we had the less to struggle with.

It was but a dull kind of Conversation that we had together for all the rest of that Week, I look'd on him with Blushes; and every now and then started that melancholly Objection, What if I should be with Child now? What will become of me then? He encouraged me by telling me, that as long as I was true to him, he would be so to me; and since it was gone such a length (which indeed he never intended), yet if I was with Child, he would take care of that and me too: This harden'd us both; I assured him if I was with Child, I would die for want of a Midwife rather than name him as the Father of it; and he assured me, I should never want if I should be with Child: These mutual Assurances harden'd us in the thing, and after this we repeated the Crime as often as we pleased, till at length, as I fear'd, so it came to pass, and I was indeed with Child.

After I was sure it was so, and I had satisfied him of it too, we began to think of taking Measures for the managing it, and I propos'd trusting the Secret to my Landlady, and asking her Advice, which he agreed to: My Landlady, a Woman (as I found) us'd to such things, made light of it; she said, she knew it would come to that at last, and made us very merry about it: As I said above, we found her an experienced old Lady at such Work; she undertook everything, engag'd to procure a Midwife and a Nurse, to satisfy all Enquiries, and bring us off with Reputation, and she did so very dexterously indeed.

When I grew near my time, she desir'd my Gentleman to go away to London, or make as if he did so; when he was gone, she acquainted the Parish Officers that there was a Lady ready to lye in at her House, but that she knew her Husband very well, and gave them, as she pretended, an account of his Name, which she call'd Sir Walter Cleave; telling them, he was a worthy Gentleman, and that he would answer for all Enquiries, and the like: This satisfied the Parish Officers presently, and I lay Inn in as much Credit as I could have done if I had really been my Lady Cleave; and was assisted in my Travail by three or four of the best Citizens Wives of Bath, which however made me a little the more Expensive to him; I often expressed my concern to him about that part, but he bid me not be concerned at it.

As he had furnish'd me very sufficiently with Money for the extraordinary Expences of my lying Inn, I had every thing very handsome about me; but did not affect to be so Gay or Extravagant neither; besides, knowing the World, as I had done, and that such kind of things do not often last long, I took care to lay up as much Money as I could for a wet Day, as I call'd it; making him believe it was all spent upon the extraordinary Appearance of things in my lying Inn.

By this Means, with what he had given me as above, I had at the end of my lying Inn 200 Guineas by me, including also what was left of my own.

I was brought to Bed of a fine Boy indeed, and a charming Child it was; and when he heard of it, he wrote me a very kind obliging Letter about it, and then told me, he thought it would look better for me to come away for London as soon as I was up and well, that he had provided Apartments for me at Hamersmith, as if I came only from London, and that after a while I should go back to the Bath, and he would go with me.

I lik'd his Offer very well, and hir'd a Coach on purpose, and taking my Child, and a Wet-Nurse to tend and suckle it, and a Maid Servant with me, away I went for London.

He met me at Reading in his own Charriot, and taking me into that, left the Servant and the Child in the hir'd Coach, and so he brought me to my new Lodgings at, Hamersmith; with which I had abundance of Reason to be very well pleas'd, for they were very handsome Rooms.

And now I was indeed in the height of what I might call Prosperity, and I wanted nothing but to be a Wife, which however could not be in this Case, and therefore on all Occasions I studied to save what I could, as I said above, against the time of Scarcity; knowing well enough that such things as these do not always continue, that Men that keep Mistresses often change them, grow weary of them, or Jealous of them, or something or other; and sometimes the Ladies that are thus well us'd, are not careful by a prudent Conduct to preserve the Esteem of their Persons, or the nice Article of their Fidelity, and then they are justly cast off with Contempt.

But I was secur'd in this Point, for as I had no Inclination to change, so I had no manner of Acquaintance, so no Temptation to look any farther; I kept no Company but in the Family where I lodg'd, and with a Clergyman's Lady at next Door; so that when he was absent I visited no Body, nor did he ever find me out of my Chamber or Parlour whenever he came down; if I went any where to take the Air it was always with him.

The living in this manner with him, and his with me, was certainly the most undesigned thing in the World; he often protested to me that when he became first acquainted with me, and even to the very Night when we first broke in upon our Rules, he never had the least Design of lying with me; that he always had a sincere Affection for me, but not the least real Inclination to do what he had done; I assured him I never suspected him, that if I had, I should not so easily have yielded to the Freedoms which brought it on, but [that it] was all a Surprize, and was owing to our having yielded too far to our mutual Inclinations that Night; and indeed I have often observ'd since, and leave it as a Caution to the Readers of this Story, that we ought to be cautious of gratifying our Inclinations in loose and lew'd Freedoms, lest we find our Resolutions of Virtue fail us in the Juncture when their Assistance should be most necessary.

It is true that from the first Hour I began to converse with him, I resolv'd to let him lye with me, if he offered it; but it was because I wanted his Help, and knew of no other way of securing him: But when we were that Night together, and, as I have said, had gone such a length, I found my Weakness, the Inclination was not to be resisted, but I was obliged to yield up all even before he ask'd it.

However, he was so just to me that he never upbraided me with that; nor did he ever express the least dislike of my Conduct on any other Occasion, but always protested he was as much delighted with my Company as he was the first Hour we came together.

It is true that he had no Wife, that is to say, she was no Wife to him, but the Reflections of Conscience oftentimes snatch a Man, especially a Man of Sense, from the Arms of a Mistress, as it did him at last, tho' on another Occasion.

On the other hand, tho' I was not without secret Reproaches of my own Conscience for the Life I led, and that even in the greatest height of the Satisfaction I ever took, yet I had the terrible prospect of Poverty and Starving, which lay on me as a frightful Spectre, so that there was no looking behind me: But as Poverty brought me into it, so fear of Poverty kept me in it, and I frequently resolv'd to leave it quite off, if I could but come to lay up Money enough to maintain me; But these were Thoughts of no weight, and whenever he came to me they vanish'd; for his Company was so Delightful, that there was no being Melancholly when he was there, the Reflections were all the Subject of those Hours when I was alone.

I liv'd six Years in this happy, but unhappy Condition, in which time I brought him three Children, but only the first of them liv'd; and tho' I remov'd twice in that Six Years, yet I came back the Sixth Year to my first Lodgings at Hamersmith: Here it was that I was one Morning surpris'd with a kind but melancholly Letter from my Gentleman; intimating, that he was very ill, and was afraid he should have another Fit of Sickness, but that his Wife's Relations being in the House with him, it would not be practicable to have me with him, which however he express'd his great Dissatisfaction in, and that he wish'd I could be allow'd to tend and Nurse him as I did before.

I was very much concern'd at this Account, and was very impatient to know how it was with him; I waited a Fortnight or thereabouts, and heard nothing, which surpriz'd me, and I began to be very uneasy indeed; I think, I may say, that for the next Fortnight I was near to distracted: It was my particular Difficulty, that I did not know directly where he was; for I understood at first he was in the Lodgings of his Wife's Mother; but having remov'd my self to London, I soon found, by the help of the Direction I had for writing my Letters to him, how to enquire after him, and there I found that he was at a House in Bloomsbury, whither he had remov'd his whole Family; and that his Wife, and Wife's Mother, were in the same House, tho' the Wife was not suffer'd to know that she was in the same House with her Husband.

Here I also soon understood that he was at the last Extremity, which made me almost at the last Extremity too, to have a true Account: One Night I had the Curiosity to disguise my self like a Servant Maid in a round Cap and Straw Hat, and went to the Door, as sent by a Lady of his Neighbourhood, where he liv'd before, and giving Master and Mistress's Service, I said I was sent to know how Mr. –––– did, and how he had rested that Night; in delivering this Message I got the Opportunity I desir'd, for speaking with one of the Maids, I held a long Gossips Tale with her, and had all the Particulars of his Illness, which I found was a Pluresy, attended with a Cough and Fever; she told me also who was in the House, and how his Wife was, who, by her Relation, they were in some hopes might recover her Understanding; but as to the Gentleman himself, the Doctors said there was very little hopes of him, that in the Morning they thought he had been dying, and that he was but little better then, for they did not expect that he could live over the next Night.

This was heavy News for me, and I began now to see an end of my Prosperity, and to see that it was well I had plaid the good Housewife, and sav'd something while he was alive, for now I had no view of my own Living before me.

It lay very heavy upon my Mind too, that I had a Son, a fine lovely Boy, about five Years old, and no Provision made for it, at least that I knew of; with these Considerations, and a sad Heart, I went home that Evening, and began to cast with my self how I should live, and in what manner to bestow my self, for the residue of my Life.

You may be sure I could not rest without enquiring again very quickly what was become of him; and not venturing to go my self, I sent several sham Messengers, till after a Fortnights waiting longer, I found that there was hopes of his Life, tho' he was still very ill; then I abated my sending to the House, and in some time after I learnt in the Neighbourhood that he was about House, and then that he was Abroad again.

I made no doubt then but that I should soon hear of him, and began to comfort my self with my Circumstances, being, as I thought, recovered; I waited a Week, and two Weeks, and with much surprize near two Months and heard nothing, but that being recovered he was gone into the Country for the Air, after his Distemper; after this it was yet two Months more, and then I understood he was come to his City-House again, but still I heard nothing from him.

I had written several Letters for him, and directed them as usual, and found two or three of them had been call'd for, but not the rest: I wrote again in a more pressing manner than ever, and in one of them let him know, that I must be forc'd to wait on him my self, representing my Circumstances, the Rent of Lodgings to pay, and the Provision for the Child wanting, and my own deplorable Condition, destitute of Subsistance after his most solemn Engagement, to take Care of, and provide for me; I took a Copy of this Letter, and finding it lay at the House, near a Month, and was not call'd for, I found Means to have the Copy of it put into his Hands at a Coffee-House, where I found he had us'd to go.

This Letter forc'd an Answer from him, by which, tho' I found I was to be abandon'd, yet I found he had sent a Letter to me some time before, desiring me to go down to the Bath again; its Contents I shall come to presently.

It is true that Sick Beds are the times, when such Correspondences as this are look'd on with different Countenances, and seen with other Eyes, than we saw them with before: My Lover had been at the Gates of Death, and at the very brink of Eternity; and it seems struck with a due Remorse, and with sad Reflections upon his past Life of Gallantry and Levity; and among the rest, his criminal Correspondence with me, which was indeed neither more or less than a long continu'd Life of Adultery, had represented itself as it really was, not as it had been formerly thought by him to be, and he look'd upon it now with a just Abhorence.

I cannot but observe also, and leave it for the Direction of my Sex in such Cases of Pleasure, that whenever sincere Repentance succeeds such a Crime as this, there never fails to attend a Hatred of the Object; and the more the Affection might seem to be before, the Hatred will be more in Proportion: It will always be so, indeed it cannot be otherwise; for there cannot be a true and sincere Abhorence of the Offence, and the Love to the Cause of it remain; there will with an Abhorence of the Sin be found a Detestation of the fellow Sinner; you can expect no other.

I found it so here, tho' good Manners, and Justice in this Gentleman, kept him from carrying it on to any Extream; but the short History of his Part in this Affair was thus; he perceived by my last Letter, and by the rest, which he went for after, that I was not gone to the Bath, and that his first Letter had not come to my Hand, upon which he writes me this following:

 

Madam,

I am surpris'd that my Letter dated the 8th of last Month, did not come to your Hand; I give you my Word it was deliver'd at your Lodgings, and to the Hands of your Maid.

I need not acquaint you with what has been my Condition for some time past; and how having been at the Edge of the Grave, I am by the unexpected and undeserved Mercy of Heaven restor'd again: In the Condition I have been in, it cannot be strange to you that our unhappy Correspondence has not been the least of the Burthens which lay upon my Conscience; I need say no more, those things that must be repented of, must be also reform'd.

I wish you would think of going back to the Bath; I enclose you here a Bill for 50l. for clearing your self at your Lodgings, and carrying you down, and hope it will be no Surprize to you to add, that on this Account only, and not for any Offence given me on your side, I can SEE YOU NO MORE; I will take due care of the Child, leave him where he is, or take him with you, as you please; I wish you the like Reflections, and that they may be to your Advantage; I am, &c.

 

I was struck with this Letter, as with a thousand Wounds, the Reproaches of my own Conscience were such as I cannot express, for I was not blind to my own Crime; and I reflected that I might with less Offence have continued with my Brother, since there was no Crime in our Marriage on that Score, neither of us knowing it.

But I never once reflected that I was all this while a marry'd Woman, a Wife to Mr. –––– the Linnen-Draper, who tho' he had left me by the Necessity of his Circumstances, had no Power to discharge me from the Marriage Contract which was between us, or to give me a legal liberty to marry again; so that I had been no less than a Whore and an Adulteress all this while: I then reproach'd my self with the Liberties I had taken, and how I had been a Snare to this Gentleman, and that indeed I was principal in the Crime; that now he was mercifully snatch'd out of the Gulph by a convincing Work upon his Mind, but that I was left as if I was abandon'd by Heaven to a continuing in my Wickedness.

Under these Reflections I continu'd very pensive and sad for near a Month, and did not go down to the Bath, having no Inclination to be with the Woman who I was with before, least, as I thought, she should prompt me to some wicked Course of Life again, as she had done; and besides, I was loth she should know I was cast off as above.

 

And now I was greatly perplex'd about my little Boy; it was Death to me to part with the Child, and yet when I consider'd the Danger of being one time or other left with him to keep without being able to support him, I then resolv'd to leave him; but then I concluded to be near him my self too, that I might have the Satisfaction of seeing him, without the Care of providing for him. So I sent my Gentleman a short Letter that I had obey'd his Orders in all things, but that of going back to the Bath, that however parting from him was a Wound to me that I could never recover, yet that I was fully satisfied his Reflections were just, and would be very far from desiring to obstruct his Reformation.

Then I represented my own Circumstances to him in the most moving Terms: I told him that those unhappy Distresses which first mov'd him to a generous Friendship for me, would, I hope, move him to a little Concern for me now; tho' the Criminal part of our Correspondence, which I believd neither of us intended to fall into at that time, was broken off; that I desir'd to repent as sincerely as he had done, but intreated him to put me in some Condition, that I might not be expos'd to Temptations from the frightful prospect of Poverty and Distress; and if he had the least Apprehensions of my being troublesome to him, I beg'd he would put me in a Posture to go back to my Mother in Virginia, from whence he knew I came, and that would put an end to all his Fears on that account; I concluded, that if he would send me 50l. more to facilitate my going away, I would send him back a general Release, and would promise never to disturb him more with any Importunities; unless it were to hear of the well-doing of the Child, who, if I found my Mother living, and my Circumstances able, I would send for and take him also off of his Hands.

This was indeed all a Cheat thus far, viz. that I had no intention to go to Virginia, as the Account of my former Affairs there may convince any Body of; but the Business was to get this last Fifty Pounds of him, if possible, knowing well enough it would be the last Penny I was ever to expect.

However, the Argument I us'd, namely, of giving him a general Release, and never troubling him any more, prevail'd effectually, and he sent me a Bill for the Money by a Person who brought with him a general Release for me to sign, and which I frankly sign'd; and thus, tho' full sore against my will, a final End was put to this Affair.

And here I cannot but reflect upon the unhappy Consequence of too great Freedoms between Persons stated as we were, upon the pretence of innocent Intentions, Love of Friendship, and the like; for the Flesh has generally so great a share in those Friendships, that it is great odds, but Inclination prevails at last over the most solemn Resolutions; and that Vice breaks in at the Breaches of Decency, which really innocent Friendship ought to preserve with the greatest strictness; but I leave the Readers of these things to their own just Reflections, which they will be more able to make effectual than I, who so soon forgot my self, and am therefore but a very indifferent Monitor.

I was now a single Person again, as I may call my self; I was loos'd from all the Obligations either of Wedlock or Mistressship in the World; except my Husband the Linnen-Draper, who I having not now heard from in almost Fifteen Years, no Body could blame me for thinking my self entirely freed from; seeing also he had at his going away told me, that if I did not hear frequently from him, I should conclude he was dead, and I might freely marry again to whom I pleas'd.

I now began to cast up my Accounts; I had by many Letters, and much Importunity, and with the Intercession of my Mother too, had a second return of some Goods from my Brother, as I now call him, in Virginia, to make up the Damage of the Cargo I brought away with me, and this too was upon the Condition of my sealing a general Release to him, which though I thought hard, but yet I was oblig'd to promise. I manag'd so well in this case, that I got my Goods away before the Release was sign'd, and then I always found something or other to say to evade the thing, and to put off the signing it at all; till at length I pretended I must write to my Brother, before I could do it.

Including this Recruit, and before I got the last 50l. I found my strength to amount, put all together, to about 400l. so that with that I had above 450l. I had sav'd 100l. more, but I met with a Disaster with that, which was this; that a Goldsmith in whose Hands I had trusted it, broke, so I lost 70. of my Money, the Man's Composition not making above 30l. out of his 100l. I had a little Plate, but not much, and was well enough stock'd with Cloaths and Linnen.

With this Stock I had the World to begin again; but you are to consider, that I was not now the same Woman as when I liv'd at Rotherbith; for first of all I was near 20 Years older, and did not look the better for my Age, nor for my Rambles to Virginia and back again; and tho' I omitted nothing that might set me out to Advantage, except Painting, for that I never stoop'd to, yet there would always be some difference seen between Five and Twenty and Two and Forty.

I cast about innumerable ways for my future State of Life, and began to consider very seriously what I should do, but nothing offer'd; I took care to make the World take me for something more than I was, and had it given out that I was a Fortune, and that my Estate was in my own Hands, the last of which was very true, the first of it was as above: I had no Acquaintance, which was one of my worst Misfortunes, and the Consequence of that was, I had no Adviser, and above all, I had no Body to whom I could in confidence commit the Secret of my Circumstances to; and I found by Experience, that to be Friendless is the worst Condition, next to being in want, that a Woman can be reduc'd to: I say a Woman, because 'tis evident Men can be their own Advisers, and their own Directors, and know how to work themselves out of Difficulties and into Business better than Women; but if a Woman has no Friend to Communicate her Affairs to, and to advise and assist her, 'tis ten to one but she is undone; nay, and the more Money she has, the more Danger she is in of being wrong'd and deceiv'd; and this was my Case in the Affair of the Hundred Pound which I left in the Hand of the Goldsmith, as above, whose Credit, it seems, was upon the Ebb before, but I that had no Body to consult with, knew nothing of it, and so lost my Money.

When a Woman is thus left desolate and void of Council, she is just like a Bag of Money, or a Jewel dropt on the Highway, which is a Prey to the next Comer; if a Man of Virtue and upright Principles happens to find it, he will have it cried, and the Owner may come to hear of it again; but how many times shall such a thing fall into Hands that will make no scruple of seizing it for their own, to once that it shall come into good Hands.

This was evidently my Case, for I was now a loose unguided Creature, and had no Help, no Assistance, no Guide for my Conduct. I knew what I aim'd at, and what I wanted, but knew nothing how to pursue the End by direct means; I wanted to be plac'd in a settled State of Living, and had I happen'd to meet with a sober good Husband, I should have been as true a Wife to him as Virtue it self could have form'd: If I had been otherwise, the Vice came in always at the Door of Necessity, not at the Door of Inclination; and I understood too well, by the want of it, what the Value of a settl'd Life was, to do any thing to forfeit the felicity of it; nay, I should have made the better Wife for all the Difficulties I had pass'd thro', by a great deal; nor did I in any of the Times that I had been a Wife, give my Husbands the least uneasiness on account of my Behaviour.

But all this was nothing; I found no incouraging Prospect; I waited, I liv'd regularly, and with as much frugality as became my Circumstances, but nothing offer'd; nothing presented, and the main Stock wasted apace; what to do I knew not, the Terror of approaching Poverty lay hard upon my Spirits: I had some Money, but where to place it I knew not, nor would the Interest of it maintain me, at least not in London.

Atlength a new Scene opened: There was in the House, where I lodg'd, a North Country Gentlewoman, and nothing was more frequent in her Discourse, than her account of the cheapness of Provisions, and the easy way of living in her Country; how plentiful and how cheap everything was, what good Company they kept, and the like; till at last I told her she almost tempted me to go and live in her Country; for I that was a Widow, tho' I had sufficient to live on, yet had no way of increasing it, and that London was an extravagant Place; that I found I could not live here under One Hundred Pound a Year, unless I kept no Company, no Servant, made no Appearance, and buried my self in Privacy, as if I was oblig'd to it by Necessity.

I should have observ'd, that she was always made to believe, as every Body else was, that I was a great Fortune, or at least that I had Three or Four Thousand Pounds, if not more, and all in my own Hands; and she was mighty sweet upon me when she thought me inclin'd in the least to go into her Country; she said she had a sister liv'd near Liverpool, that her Brother was a considerable Gentleman there, and had a great Estate also in Ireland, that she wou'd go down there in about two Months, and if I would give her my Company thither, I should be as welcome as her self for a Month or more as I pleas'd, till I should see how I lik'd the Country; and if I thought fit to live there, she would undertake they would take care, tho' they did not entertain Lodgers themselves, they would recommend me to some agreeable Family, where I should be plac'd to my content.

If this Woman had known my real Circumstances, she would never have laid so many Snares, and taken so many weary steps to catch a poor desolate Creature that was good for little when it was caught; and indeed I, whose Case was almost desperate, and thought I cou'd not be much worse, was not very anxious about what might befall me, provided they did me no personal Injury; so I suffered my self, tho' not without a great deal of Invitation, and great Professions of sincere Friendship and real Kindness, I say, I suffer'd my self to be prevail'd upon to go with her, and accordingly I put my self in a Posture for a Journey, tho' I did not absolutely know whither I was to go.

And now I found my self in great Distress; what little I had in the World was all in Money, except as before, a little Plate, some Linnen, and my Cloaths; as for Houshold stuff I had little or none, for I had liv'd always in Lodgings; but I had not one Friend in the World with whom to trust that little I had, or to direct me how to dispose of it; I thought of the Bank, and of the other Companies in London, but I had no Friend to commit the Management of it to, and to keep and carry about me Bank Bills, Talleys, Orders, and such things, I look'd upon as unsafe; that if they were lost my Money was lost, and then I was undone; and on the other hand I might be robb'd, and perhaps murder'd in a strange place for them; and what to do I knew not.

It came into my Thoughts one Morning that I would go to the Bank my self, where I had often been to receive the Interest of some Bills I had, and where I had found the Clark, to whom I apply'd my self, very Honest to me, and particularly so fair one time, that when I had misstold my Money, and taken less than my due, and was coming away, he set me to rights and gave me the rest, which he might have put into his own Pocket.

I went to him, and ask'd if he would trouble himself to be my Adviser, who was a poor friendless Widow, and knew not what to do: He told me, if I desir'd his Opinion of any thing within the reach of his Business, he would do his Endeavour that I should not be wrong'd, but that he would also help me to a good sober Person of his Acquaintance, who was a Clark in such Business too, tho' not in their House, whose Judgment was good, and whose Honesty I mighty depend upon; for, added he, I will answer for him, and for every step he takes; if he wrongs you, Madam, of one Farthing, it shall lye at my door; and he delights to assist People in such Cases, he does it as an act of Chaity.

I was a little at a stand at this Discourse, but after some pause I told him, I had rather have depended upon him, because I had found him Honest, but if that cou'd not be, I would take his Recommendation sooner than any ones else; I dare say, Madam, says he, that you will be as well satisfied with my Friend as with me, and he is thoroughly able to assist you, which I am not; it seems he had his Hands full of the Business of the Bank, and had engag'd to meddle with no other Business than that of his Office: He added, that his Friend should take nothing of me for his Advice or Assistance, and this indeed encourag'd me.

He appointed the same Evening, after the Bank was shut, for me to meet him and his Friend: as soon as I saw his Friend, and he began but to talk of the Affair, I was fully satisfied I had a very honest Man to deal with, his Countenance spoke it, and his Character, as I heard afterwards, was every where so good, that I had no room for any more doubts upon me.

After the first meeting, in which I only said what I had said before, he appointed me to come the next Day, telling me, I might in the mean time satisfy my self of him by enquiry, which however I knew not how to do, having no Acquaintance my self.

Accordingly I met him the next Day, when I entered more freely with him into my Case; I told him my Circumstances at large, that I was a Widow come over from America, perfectly desolate and friendless; that I had a little Money, and but a little, and was almost distracted for fear of losing it, having no Friend in the World to trust with the management of it; that I was going into the North of England to live cheap, that my Stock might not waste; that I would willingly Lodge my Money in the Bank, but that I durst not carry the Bills about me; and how to Correspond about it, or with who I knew not.

He told me I might lodge the Money in the Bank as an Account, and its being entred in the Books would entitle me to the Money at any time, and if I was in the North I might draw Bills on the Cashier, and receive it when I would; but that then it wou'd be esteem'd as running Cash, and the Bank would give no Interest for it; that I might buy Stock with it, and so it would lie in store for me, but that then if I wanted to dispose of it, I must come up to Town to Transfer it, and even it would be with some difficulty I should receive the half yearly Dividend, unless I was here in Person, or had some Friend I could trust with having the Stock in his Name to do it for me, and that would have the same difficulty in it as before; and with that he look'd hard at me and smil'd a little; at last, says he, why do you not get a head Steward, Madam, that may take you and your Money together, and then you would have the trouble taken off of your Hands? Ay, Sir, and the Money too it may be, said I, for truly I find the hazard that way is as much as 'tis t' other way; but I remember, I said, secretly to my self, I wish you would ask me the Question fairly, I would consider very seriously on it before I said NO.

He went on a good way with me, and I thought once or twice he was in earnest, but to my real Affliction, I found at last he had a Wife; but when he own'd he had a Wife he shook his Head, and said with some Concern, that indeed he had a Wife, and no Wife: I began to think he had been in the Condition of my late Lover, and that his Wife had been Lunatick, or some such thing: However, we had not much more Discourse at that time, but he told me he was in too much hurry of business then, but that if I would come home to his House after their Business was over, he would consider what might be done for me, to put my Affairs in a Posture of Security: I told him I would come, and desir'd to know where he liv'd: He gave me a Direction in Writing, and, when he gave it me he read it to me, and said, there 'tis, Madam, if you dare trust your self with me: Yes Sir, said I, I believe I may venture to trust you with my self, for you have a Wife you say, and I don't want a Husband; besides, I dare trust you with my Money, which is all I have in the World, and if that were gone, I may trust my self any where.

He said some things in Jest that were very handsome and mannerly, and would have pleas'd me very well if they had been in earnest; but that pass'd over, I took the Directions, and appointed to be at his House at Seven o'Clock the same Evening.

When I came he made several Proposals for my placing my Money in the Bank, in order to my having Interest for it; but still some difficulty or other came in the way, which he objected as not safe; and I found such a sincere disinterested Honesty in him, that I began to think I had certainly found the honest Man I wanted; and that I could never put my self into better Hands; so I told him with a great deal of frankness that I had never met with a Man or Woman yet that I could trust, or in whom I could think my self safe, but that I saw he was so disinterestedly concern'd for my safety, that I would freely trust him with the management of that little I had, if he would accept to be Steward for a poor Widow that could give him no Salary.

He smil'd, and standing up, with great Respect saluted me; he told me he could not but take it very kindly that I had so good an Opinion of him; that he would not deceive me, that he would do any thing in his Power to serve me and expect no Salary; but that he could not by any means accept of a Trust that might bring him to be suspected of Self-interest, and that if I should die he might have Disputes with my Executors, which he should be very loth to encumber himself with.

I told him if those were all his Objections I would soon remove them, and convince him that there was not the least room for any difficulty; for that, first as for suspecting him, if ever now was the time to suspect him, and not to put the Trust into his Hands, and whenever I did suspect him, he could but throw it up then and refuse to go on; Then as to Executors, I assur'd him I had no Heirs, nor any Relations in England, and I would have neither Heirs or Executors but himself, unless I should alter my Condition, and then his Trust and Trouble should cease together, which however I had no prospect of yet; but I told him if I died as I was, it should be all his own, and he would deserve it by being so faithful to me, as I was satisfied he would be.

He chang'd his Countenance at this Discourse, and ask'd me, how I came to have so much good-will for him? and looking very much pleas'd, said, he might very lawfully wish he was single for my sake; I smil'd and told him, that as he was not, my Offer could have no design upon him, and to wish, was not to be allow'd, 'twas Criminal to his Wife.

He told me I was wrong; for, says he, as I said before, I have a Wife and no Wife, and 'twould be no Sin to wish her hang'd; I know nothing of your Circumstances that way, sir, said I; but it cannot be innocent to wish your Wife dead; I tell you, says he again, she is a Wife and no Wife; you don't know what I am, or what she is.

That's true, said I, Sir, I don't know what you are, but I believe you to be an honest Man, and that's the Cause of all my Confidence in you.

Well, well, says he, and so I am, but I am something else too, Madam; for, says he, to be plain with you, I am a Cuckold, and she is a Whore; he spoke it in a kind of Jest, but it was with such an awkward smile, that I perceiv'd it stuck very close to him, and he look'd dismally when he said it.

That alters the Case indeed, Sir, said I, as to that part you were speaking of; but a Cuckold you know may be an honest Man, it does not alter that Case at all; besides I think, said I, since your Wife is so dishonest to you, you are too honest to her, to own her for your Wife; but that, said I, is what I have nothing to do with. Nay, says he, I do think to clear my Hands of her, for to be plain with you, Madam, added he, I am no contented Cuckold neither: On the other hand, I assure you it provokes me to the highest Degree, but I can't help my self; she that will be a Whore, will be a Whore.

I wav'd the Discourse, and began to talk of my Business, but I found he could not have done with it, so I let him alone, and he went on to tell me all the Circumstances of his Case, too long to relate here; particularly, that having been out of England some time before he came to the Post he was in, she had had two Children in the mean time by an Officer of the Army; and that when he came to England, and, upon her Submission, took her again, and maintain'd her very well, yet she run away from him with a Linnen-Draper's Apprentice, robb'd him of what she could come at, and continu'd to live from him still; so that Madam, says he, she is a Whore not by Necessity, which is the common Bait, but by Inclination, and for the sake of the Vice.

Well, I pitied him, and wish'd him well rid of her, and still would have talk'd of my Business, but it would not do; at last he looked steadily at me, look you, Madam, says he, you came to ask Advice of me, and I will serve you as faithfully as if you were my own Sister; but I must turn the Tables, since you oblige me to do it, and are so friendly to me, and I think I must ask Advice of you; tell me what must a poor abus'd fellow do with a Whore? What can I do to do my self Justice upon her?

Alas, Sir, says I, 'Tis a Case too nice for me to advise in, but it seems she has run away from you, so you are rid of her fairly; what can you desire more? Ay she is gone indeed, said he, but I am not clear of her for all that. That's true, says I, she may indeed run you into Debt, but the Law has furnish'd you with Methods to prevent that also, you may Cry her down, as they call it.

No, no, says he, that is not the Case, I have taken care of all that; 'tis not that part that I speak of, but I would be rid of her that I might marry again.

Well, sir, says I, then you must Divorce her; if you can prove what you say, you may certainly get that done, and then you are free.

That's very tedious and expensive, says he.

Why, says I, if you can get any Woman you like, to take your Word, I suppose your Wife would not dispute the Liberty with you that she takes herself.

Ay, says he, but 'twou'd be hard to bring an honest Woman to do that; and for the other sort, says he, I have had enough of her to meddle with any more Whores.

It occur'd to me presently, I would have taken your Word with all my Heart, if you had but ask'd me the Question, but that was to my self; to him I reply'd, why you shut the Door against any honest Woman accepting you, for you condemn all that should venture upon you, and conclude, that a Woman that takes you now, can't be honest.

Why, says he, I wish you would satisfy me that an honest Woman would take me, I'd venture it, and then turns short upon me, will you take me, Madam?

That's not a fair Question, says I, after what you have said; however, least you shou'd think I wait only a Recantation of it, I shall answer you plainly, NO not I; my Business is of another kind with you, and I did not expect you would have turn'd my serious Application to you in my distracted Case, into a Comedy.

Why, Madam, says he, my Case is as distracted as yours can be, and I stand in as much need of Advice as you do, for I think if I have not Relief some where, I shall be mad my self, and I know not what course to take, I protest to you.

Why sir, says I, 'tis easier to give Advice in your Case than mine; speak then, says he, I beg of you, for now you encourage me.

Why, says I, if your Case is so plain, you may be legally Divorc'd, and then you may find honest Women enough to ask the Question of fairly, the Sex is not so scarce that you can want a Wife.

Well then, said he, I am in earnest, I'll take your Advice; but shall I ask you one Question seriously before hand?

Any Question, said I, but that you did before.

No, that Answer will not do, said he, for in short, that is the Question I shall ask.

You may ask what Questions you please, but you have my Answer to that already, said I; besides, Sir, said I, can you think so ill of me, as that I wou'd give any Answer to such a Question before hand? Can any Woman alive believe you in earnest, or think you design any thing but to banter her?

Well, well, says he, I do not banter you, I am in earnest, consider of it.

But, Sir, says I, a little gravely, I came to you about my own Business, I beg of you to let me know, what you will advise me to do?

I will be prepar'd, says he, against you come again.

Nay, says I, you have forbid my coming any more.

Why so? said he, and look'd a little surpriz'd.

Because, said I, you can't expect I should visit you on the account you talk of.

Well, says he, you shall promise to come again however, and I will not say any more of it till I have the Divorce, but I desire you'll prepare to be better condition'd when that's done, for you shall be the Woman, or I will not be Divorc'd at all: I owe it to your unlooked for kindness, if to nothing else, but I have other Reasons too.

He could not have said anything in the World that pleas'd me better; however, I knew that the way to secure him was to stand off while the thing was so remote, as it appear'd to be, and that it was time enough to accept of it when he was able to perform it; so I said very respectfully to him, it was time enough to consider of these things, when he was in a Condition to talk of them; in the mean time I told him, I was going a great way from him, and he would find Objects enough to please him better: We broke off here for the present, and he made me promise him to come again the next Day, for my own Business, which after some pressing I did; tho' had he seen farther into me, I wanted no pressing on that Account.

I came the next Evening accordingly, and brought my Maid with me, to let him see that I kept a Maid: He would have had me let the Maid have staid, but I would not, but order'd her aloud to come for me again about Nine a Clock, but he forbid that, and told me he would see me safe Home, which I was not very well pleased with, supposing he might do that to know where I liv'd, and enquire into my Character, and Circumstances: However, I ventur'd that, for all the People there knew of me, was to my Advantage; and all the Character he had of me, was, that I was a Woman of Fortune, and that I was a very modest sober Body; which whether true or not in the Main, yet you may see how necessary it is, for all Women who expect any thing in the World, to preserve the Character of their Virtue, even when perhaps they may have sacrifiz'd the Thing itself.

I found, and was not a little pleas'd with it, that he had provided a Supper for me: I found also he liv'd very handsomely, and had a House very handsomely furnish'd, and which I was rejoic'd at indeed, for I look'd upon it all as my own.

We had now a second Conference upon the Subject Matter of the last: He laid his Business very Home indeed; he protested his Affection to me, and indeed I had no room to doubt it; he declared that it began from the first Moment I talk'd with him, and long before I had mentioned leaving my Effects with him; 'tis no matter when it began, thought I, if it will but hold, 'twill be well enough: He then told me, how much the Offer I had made of trusting him with my Effects had engag'd him; so I intended it should, thought I, but then I thought you had been a single Man too: After we had Supp'd, I observ'd he press'd me very hard to drink two or three Glasses of Wine, which however I declin'd, but drank one Glass or two: He then told me he had a Proposal to make to me, which I should promise him I would not take ill, if I should not grant it: I told him I hop'd he would make no dishonourable Proposal to me, especially in his own House, and that if it was such, I desir'd he would not mention it, that I might not be obliged to offer any Resentment to him that did not become the Respect I profess'd for him, and the Trust I had plac'd in him, in coming to this House; and beg'd of him he would give me leave to go away, and accordingly began to put on my Gloves, and prepare to be gone, tho' at the same time I no more intended it, than he intended to let me.

Well, he importun'd me not to talk of going; he assured me, he was very far from offering any such thing to me that was dishonourable, and if I thought so, he would chuse to say no more of it.

That part I did not relish at all; I told him, [I] was ready to hear anything that he had to say, depending that he would say nothing unworthy of himself, or unfit for me to hear; upon this, he told me his Proposal was this; That I would marry him, tho' he had not yet obtain'd the Divorce from the Whore his Wife; and to satisfy me that he meant honourably, he would promise not to desire me to live with him, or go to Bed to him till the Divorce was obtain'd: My Heart said Yes to this Offer at first Word, but it was necessary to play the Hypocrite a little more with him; so I seem'd to decline the Motion with some warmth as unfair, told him that such a Proposal could be of no Signification, but to entangle us both in great Difficulties; for if he should not at last obtain the Divorce, yet we could not dissolve the Marriage, neither could we proceed in it; so that if he was disappointed in the Divorce, I left him to consider what a Condition we should both be in.

In short, I carried on the Argument against this so far, that I convinc'd him it was not a Proposal that had any Sense in it; then he went from it to another, viz.