Delicacy, subtlety,
suggestion in any form, have no part in it. During the five years of my
exile amid this tropical extravagance I can recall no single instance
of beauty “hinting” anywhere. Nature seems, rather, audaciously
abandoned; she is without restraint. She shows her all, tells
everything—she shouts, she never whispers. You will understand me when
I tell you that this wholesale lack of reticence and modesty involves
all absence in the beholder of—surprise. A sudden ravishment of the
senses is impossible. One never can experience that sweet and troubling
agitation to which a breathless amazement properly belongs. You may be
stunned; you are hardly ever “thrilled.”
Now, this new sensitiveness to Beauty I have mentioned has opened me
to that receptiveness which is aware of subtlety and owns to sharp
surprise. The thrill is of its very essence. It is unexpected. Out of
the welter of prolific detail Nature here glories in, a delicate hint
of wonder and surprise comes stealing. The change, of course, is in
myself, not otherwise. And on the particular “crude” occasion I will
briefly mention, it reached me from the most obvious and banal of
conditions—the night sky and the moon.
Here, then, is how it happened: There had arisen a situation of
grave difficulty among the natives of my Province, and the need for
taking a strong, authoritative line was paramount. The reports of my
subordinates from various parts of the country pointed to very vigorous
action of a repressing, even of a punitive, description. It was not, in
itself, a complicated situation, and no Governor, who was soldier too,
need have hesitated for an instant. The various Stations, indeed,
anticipating the usual course of action indicated by precedent, had
automatically gone to their posts, prepared for the “official
instructions” it was known that I should send, wondering impatiently
(as I learned afterwards) at the slight delay. For delay there was,
though of a few hours only; and this delay was caused by my
uncomfortable new habit —pausing for the guidance and the “thrill.”
Intuition, waiting upon the thrill of Beauty that guided it, at first
lay inactive.
My behaviour seemed scarcely of the orthodox, official kind,
soldierly least of all. There was uneasiness, there was cursing,
probably; there were certainly remarks not complimentary. Prompt,
decisive action was the obvious and only course… while I sat quietly
in the Headquarters Bungalow, a sensitive youth again, a dreamer, a
poet, hungry for the inspiration of Beauty that the gorgeous tropical
night concealed with her excess of smothering abundance.
This incongruity between my procedure and the time-honoured methods
of “strong” Governors must have seemed exasperating to those who
waited, respectful, but with nerves on edge, in the canvassed and
tented regions behind the Headquarters clearing. Indeed, the Foreign
Office, could it have witnessed my unpardonable hesitation, might well
have dismissed me on the spot, I think. For I sat there, dreaming in my
deck-chair on the verandah, smoking a cigarette, safe within my net
from the countless poisonous mosquitoes, and listening to the wind in
the palms that fringed the heavy jungle round the building.
Smoking quietly, dreaming, listening, waiting, I sat there in this
mood of inner attention and expectancy, knowing that the guidance I
anticipated must surely come.
A few clouds sprawled in their beds of silver across the sky; the
heat, the perfume, were, as always, painfully, excessive; the moonlight
bathed the huge trees and giant leaves with that habitual extravagance
which made it seem ordinary, almost cheap and wonderless. Very silent
the wooden house lay all about me, there were no footsteps, there was
no human voice. I heard only the wash of the heavy-scented wind through
the colossal foliage that hardly stirred, and watched, as a hundred
times before, the immense heated sky, drenched in its brilliant and
intolerable moonlight. All seemed a riot of excess, an orgy.
Then, suddenly, the shameless night drew on some exquisite veil, as
the moon, between three-quarters and the full, slid out of sight behind
a streaky cloud. A breath, it seemed, of lighter wind woke all the
perfume of the burdened forest leaves. The shouting splendour hushed;
there came a whisper and, at last—a hint.
I watched with relief and gratitude the momentary eclipse, for in
the half-light I was aware of that sharp and tender mood which was
preparatory to the thrill. Slowly sailing into view again from behind
that gracious veil of cloud—
“The moon put forth a little diamond peak, No bigger
than an unobserved star, Or tiny point of fairy scimitar; Bright signal
that she only stooped to tie Her silver sandals, ere deliciously She
bowed into the heavens her timid head.”
And then it came. The Thrill stole forth and touched
me, passing like a meteor through my heart, but in that lightning
passage, cleaving it open to some wisdom that seemed most near to love.
For power flowed in along the path that Beauty cleft for it, and with
the beauty came that intuitive guidance I had waited for.
The inspiration operated like a flash. There was no
reasoning; I was aware immediately that another and a better way of
dealing with the situation was given me.
I need not weary you with details.
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