“No. Miss her, Meg. Miss her so much already—” She broke off, sucked in air, tears trembling on her lashes.

“She was my best friend. She gave the best advice. And even though I live on the other side of the country, she still managed to be part of everything. Calling, sending cards, little texts, and her Facebook messages . . . those updates . . . hilarious.” Sarah wiped away tears, trying to smile through her tears and failing. “What are we going to do without her?”

Meg’s lower lip quivered. “Try to make her proud.”

“Yeah.” Sarah was quiet a moment, thinking about her mom, her sisters, the whole family. “What do you think Dad’s doing right now?”

“Probably watching TV with Tommy,” Meg said.

Sarah nodded. It’s how she pictured him right now, too. Dad was a simple man. He liked his routine. “I wonder how he feels . . . not having had a chance to say a last good-bye.”

Meg shot Sarah a swift glance. “It was probably hard for him, not being there at the very end, but I don’t think he blames Brianna.”

Unlike me, Sarah thought fiercely, meeting Meg’s gaze. “Yes, I am upset with Brianna. Yes, I feel cheated. I needed that final good-bye. I wanted to be there at the end with Mom, too.”

“But maybe Brianna was right,” Meg said carefully. “Maybe Mom couldn’t let go when we were all there. Maybe it was too hard for her to leave us, when we were around the bed, hanging on to her for dear life.”

“Of course we were hanging on to her for dear life. We loved her.” Sarah drew her knees up to her chest, defensive, even as the ache filled her chest, heavy, suffocating. “I just can’t believe she’d want to . . . go . . . without me there.” There was a defiant note in her voice but she didn’t care. “I thought I’d be the one, holding her hand, at the end.” Not Bree.

“We’ll never know why Mom chose to let go then, but she had to have a reason. You know Mom never did anything by chance.”

Suddenly Sarah didn’t want to do this anymore, talk about Mom anymore, talk about death and dying and letting go. She’d spent so much of her life letting go, saying good-bye, leaving friends, starting over in new cities with new teams.