It
was a long street and a grey street. Each house was
exactly like every other house. Each house had a basement,[xii]
the sort of story which house-agents have grown
to call of late a "lower ground floor." The front windows
of these basements were half above the patch of
black, soot-smeared soil and coarse grass that named
itself a garden, and so, passing along at the hour of
four o'clock or four-thirty, I could see that in everyone
of these "breakfast rooms"—their technical name—the
tea tray and the tea cups were set out in readiness.
I received from this trivial and natural circumstance
an impression of a dull life, laid out in dreadful
lines of patterned uniformity, of a life without
adventure of body or soul.
Then, the family party. It got into the tram down
Hackney way. There were father, mother and baby;
and I should think that they came from a small shop,
probably from a small draper's shop. The parents
were young people of twenty-five to thirty-five. He
wore a black shiny frock coat—an "Albert" in America?—a
high hat, little side whiskers and dark moustache
and a look of amiable vacuity. His wife was
oddly bedizened in black satin, with a wide spreading
hat, not ill-looking, simply unmeaning. I fancy that
she had at times, not too often, "a temper of her own."
And the very small baby sat upon her knee. The party
was probably going forth to spend the Sunday evening
with relations or friends.
And yet, I said to myself, these two have partaken
together of the great mystery, of the great sacrament
of nature, of the source of all that is magical in the
wide world. But have they discerned the mysteries?
Do they know that they have been in that place which
is called Syon and Jerusalem?—I am quoting from an
old book and a strange book.[xiii]
It was thus that, remembering the old story of the
"Resurrection of the Dead," I was furnished with the
source of "A Fragment of Life." I was writing
"Hieroglyphics" at the time, having just finished "The
White People"; or rather, having just decided that
what now appears in print under that heading was all
that would ever be written, that the Great Romance
that should have been written—in manifestation of
the idea—would never be written at all. And so,
when Hieroglyphics was finished, somewhere about
May 1899, I set about "A Fragment of Life" and
wrote the first chapter with the greatest relish and the
utmost ease. And then my own life was dashed into
fragments. I ceased to write. I travelled. I saw
Syon and Bagdad and other strange places—see
"Things Near and Far" for an explanation of this
obscure passage—and found myself in the lighted
world of floats and battens, entering L. U. E., crossing
R and exiting R 3; and doing all sorts of queer
things.
But still, in spite of all these shocks and changes,
the "notion" would not leave me. I went at it again,
I suppose in 1904; consumed with a bitter determination
to finish what I had begun. Everything now
had become difficult. I tried this way and that way
and the other way. They all failed and I broke down
on every one of them; and I tried and tried again. At
last I cobbled up some sort of an end, an utterly bad
one, as I realized as I wrote every single line and word
of it, and the story appeared, in 1904 or 1905, in
Horlick's Magazine under the editorship of my old
and dear friend, A. E. Waite.
Still; I was not satisfied. That end was intolerable[xiv]
and I knew it. Again, I sat down to the work,
night after night I wrestled with it. And I remember
an odd circumstance which may or may not be of some
physiological interest. I was then living in a circumscribed
"upper part" of a house in Cosway Street,
Marylebone Road. That I might struggle by myself,
I wrote in the little kitchen; and night after night as
I fought grimly, savagely, all but hopelessly for some
fit close for "A Fragment of Life," I was astonished
and almost alarmed to find that my feet developed a
sensation of most deadly cold.
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