He was the picture of strength and good health, yet, almost as if the spin of the roulette wheel gave his asthma, he began to have difficulty breathing, gasping loudly, uncontrollably. People aimed to look at him, but he scarcely noticed them. If he did, he stopped for a moment, glancing around him nervously smiling, then went back to his gasping, unable to control it until the wheel stopped.

As I watched, the fever of the game gripped me too. My first attempts went badly. Then I began to feel a strange, capricious mood taking over, a kind of intoxication. I acted almost automatically, according to sudden, instinctive inspiration. I always betted last and as soon as I had made my choice would feel convinced that I would win; and I did. Unfortunately, at first the amounts were very small, then gradually my winnings increased and I stopped counting. The strange feeling of lightheadedness yet clarity went on growing within me, and the odd failure did not dim it, because in these instances I felt I had more or less foreseen what would happen. In fact, occasionally, I said to myself, “I’ll lose this one, I must lose this.” I felt electrified. At a certain point I was inspired to risk everything and put an end to it; I won. My ears were buzzing and I was in a cold sweat. I felt one of the croupiers was watching me, as if surprised by my consistently good luck. In my overexcited state I interpreted that look as a challenge, and risked everything again, what was originally mine and what I had won, without thinking twice: my hand went towards the same number as before, 35; I was about to change my mind, but then left the money there, as if I had been ordered to do so.

I shut my eyes, I must have been very pale, there was a vast silence and I felt it was for me, as if everyone were involved in my terrible suspense. The ball rolled and rolled, so slowly that my torment became almost intolerable. At last it fell. The croupier’s voice seemed to come from very far away as he announced in the usual tone,

“Trentecinq, noir, impair et passe!”

I took the money and lurched away like a drunk. I dropped onto the sofa, exhausted, and leant my head on the armrest, feeling an unexpected, irresistible desire to rest, to catch up on my sleep. I had almost succumbed, when I was woken by a feeling of being weighed down, but by a material weight. How much had I won? I opened my eyes; but had to close them again immediately: my head was spinning. The heat in there was suffocating. Was it already evening? I had half-noticed the lamps had been lit. How long had I been playing? I got up slowly and went outside.

Outside in the entrance it was still daylight. The fresh air revived me.

Several people were out there walking about. Some were alone, deep in thought. Others were in groups of two or three, chatting and smoking.

I watched them all, aware of being a newcomer and feeling somewhat awkward. I would have liked to have appeared more at home, and so I observed the ones who seemed most casual; but whilst I was doing so, one of them, without any previous warning signs, suddenly grew pale and glassy-eyed, fell silent, then threw away his cigarette and, amid his companions’ laughter, disappeared into the gambling halls. Why were his friends laughing? I was smiling too, instinctively, like a fool.

“À toi mon chéri,” said a soft, slightly hoarse, female voice.

I turned and saw one of the women who had been sitting near me at the table. She was smiling and holding out a rose to me, keeping another for herself. She had just bought them at the flower-stall in the vestibule.

Did I really look so clumsy and doltish?

I suddenly felt furiously angry.