This little fortune of mine not only gave me
consequence, but was the cause of my thinking very highly of myself.
I now was more particular in my attentions to Miss Evelyn, and was
graciously received by her father; neither had I any reason to
complain of my treatment from the young lady. As for your father, he
was quite thrown into the back-ground. He had no property nor hope of
any, except what he might hereafter secure by his diligence and good
conduct; and the attention I received from Mr Evelyn, and also the
head clerk, who had an idea that I was to be a partner and
consequently would become his superior, made him very melancholy and
unhappy—for I believe that then he was quite as much in love with
Miss Evelyn as I was myself; and I must tell you, that my love for
her was unbounded, and she well deserved it. But all these happy
prospects were overthrown by my own folly. As soon as it was known
that I had property left to me, I was surrounded by many others who
requested to be introduced to me, and my evenings were passed in what
I considered very good company, but which proved the very reverse. By
degrees I took to gambling, and after a time, lost more money than I
could afford to pay. This caused me to have recourse to a Jew, who
advanced me loans at a large interest to be repaid at my coming of
age. Trying to win back my money, I at last found myself indebted to
the Jew for the sum of nearly L1000. The more that I became involved,
the more reckless I became. Mr Evelyn perceived that I kept late
hours, and looked haggard, as I well might; indeed, my position had
now become very awkward. Mr Evelyn knew well the sum that had been
left me, and how was I to account to him for the deficiency, if he
proposed that I should put it into the business? I should be ruined
in his opinion, and he never, I was convinced, would entrust the
happiness of his daughter to a young man who had been guilty of such
irregularities. At the same time, my love for her nearly amounted to
adoration. Never was there a more miserable being than I was for the
last six months previous to my coming of age, and to drown my misery
I plunged into every excess, and seldom, if ever, went to bed but in
a state of intoxication. Scheme after scheme did I propose to enable
me to conceal my fault, but I could hit upon nothing. The time
approached; I was within a few days of coming of age, when Mr Evelyn
sent for me and then spoke to me seriously, saying, that out of
regard to the memory of my father, with whom he had been very
intimate, he was willing to allow me to embark my little capital in
the business, and that he hoped that by my good conduct and
application I might soon become a useful partner. I stammered some
reply which surprised him; and he asked me to be more explicit. I
stated that I considered my capital too small to be of much use in
such a business as his, and that I preferred trying some quick method
of doubling it; that as soon as I had so done I would accept his
offer with gratitude. 'As you please,' replied he coolly; 'but take
care, that in risking all, you do not lose all. Of course, you are
your own master,' and so saying, he left me, apparently much
displeased and mortified. But circumstances occurred, which exposed
the whole affair. When in company with my evening companions, I
stated my intentions of trying my fortune in the East Indies, not
seriously, but talking at random. This came to the ears of the Jew of
whom I had borrowed the money; he thought that I intended to leave
the kingdom without taking up my bonds, and immediately repaired to
Mr Evelyn's counting-house, to communicate with the head clerk, and
ascertain if the report was correct, stating also the sums I was
indebted to him. The head clerk informed Mr Evelyn, and on the day
upon which I became twenty-one years of age, he sent for me into his
private room, and, after some remonstrances, to which I replied very
haughtily, it ended in my being dismissed. The fact was, that Mr
Evelyn had, since his last interview with me, made inquiries, and
finding out I had been living a very riotous life, he had determined
upon my leaving his service. As soon as my first burst of indignation
was over, I felt what I had lost; my attachment to Miss Evelyn was
stronger than ever, and I bitterly deplored my folly, but after a
time, as usual, I had recourse to the bottle, and to drowning my
cares in intemperance. I tried very hard to obtain an interview with
Miss Evelyn previous to my quitting the house, but this Mr Evelyn
would not permit, and a few days after, sent his daughter away, to
reside, for a time with a relation in the country. I embarked my
capital in the wine trade, and, could I have restrained myself from
drinking, should have been successful, and in a short time might have
doubled my property, as I stated to Mr Evelyn; but now, I had become
an irreclaimable drunkard, and when that is the case, all hope is
over. My affairs soon became deranged, and, at the request of my
partner, they were wound up, and I found myself with my capital of
L1500 reduced to L1000. With this, I resolved to try my fortune in
shipping; I procured a share in a brig, and sailed in her myself.
After a time, I was sufficiently expert to take the command of her,
and might have succeeded, had not my habit of drinking been so
confirmed. When at Ceylon, I fell sick, and was left behind.
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