Toward this glorious ideal Archy has taken the first step. I hope he pickets your scab column and puts it on the “unfair” list. Better come on in—the water’s fine.

ARTHUR B. REEVE.    

SIR: As a strike breaker Henry was a mighty poor pick, unless he was all the detective agency had to furnish. If you were not such an impetuous boss you might have discovered this before putting your foot down on Archy’s moderate demands. It would be just as well before you go further to let a pile driver drop on all there is of the pretentious Henry. A friend of Archy’s tells me that Archy’s back is much stiffened since he has seen the quality of his substitute’s work. And this friend doesn’t think that either the Governor, the Mayor, the District Attorney, the Corporation Counsel, the Public Service Commissioner, the Police Commissioner, the Inspector of Garbage, or all combined can induce Archy to arbitrate. Indeed it is believed that Archy is preparing something really drastic, in case you should be willing to capitulate before the end of the week. I am sure you can save your face now better than you will be able to later on.

You gotta give in. Another time don’t be so quick to monkey with the bug-saw.

A FRIEND OF BOTH.    

SIR: Let me be the “Obvious Adams” in the Archy strike. I buy the paper every night at two cents. It is obvious that my total expenditure for the week is twelve cents. It is further obvious that a piece of pie of the dimensions demanded by Archy costs but ten cents. Therefore it is obvious that you can pay his demands and still work at a profit.

Until the strike is decided in Archy’s favor I shall continue to read your paper over the shoulder of my fellow passenger, or, I will subscribe to the Subway Sun.

This is final!

IGGIE.    

SIR: I congratulate you on having got rid of Archy. Now maybe we can have some more Fothergil Finch. And what has become of Hermione, the Beautiful communist? Seriously, I have always felt that Archy was beneath the dignity of the column.

W. F. MARNER.    

archy gets a 50 per cent increase

Archy agreed this morning to return to work, for at least a week, pending a final adjustment of the difficulties between him and the column.

Archy’s demands were for a piece of apple pie once a week and for larger type for his contributions.

These demands will be considered in the final adjustment.

In the meantime, and pending the final adjustment, Archy returns on the basis of a 50 per cent increase in salary.

It is our contention that a 50 per cent increase is a very liberal increase, indeed, and that this temporary settlement should be a permanent settlement.

We admit that the public has been with Archy during the recent troubles. And it was only the pressure of public opinion that influenced us to take him back at all.

But, having decided that we must yield, we determined to come across handsomely.

THE 50 PER CENT INCREASE IN SALARY WAS OUR OWN SUGGESTION.

AND, ON OUR OWN INITIATIVE, WE HAVE MADE THIS INCREASE RETROACTIVE.

That is to say, not only does Archy get the 50 per cent increase during the week before the final adjustment, but we have volunteered to give it to him during the period covered by the strike, and for a term of two weeks prior to the strike.

SIR: Since Archy first became prominent as a literary bug, I have followed him through all his travels and adventures with fascinated interest. To me his vicissitudes have been a continuous source of enjoyment. And now that you have forced this poor downtrodden creature to abandon you to your own puny talents, may you live to regret it. Tomorrow when I open my paper, if Archy does not appear in the newspaper, I shall clip your column and burn it publicly with due and proper ceremony.—GUS.

We print, below, Archy’s own comment upon the temporary settlement:

comment from archy

well boss you see

where you stand now i hope the

public cannot get along

without me

i have won a moral victory

for you have agreed in

principle that i

should have a raise in

salary i will have to

think over it a

long time however before i

will consent to a 50 per cent

raise as a permanent settlement

and will have to take

advice it seems like a very

generous proposition on the

face of it but at the same time

i dont think it is

altogether right the figures look

good but i am puzzled you

see i was not getting any salary at

all when i quit work and if

i got a raise of

50 per cent above that the

question is what do i get

i would much rather have a

little something to eat every

week than all these figures but

at the same time i

must admit that a 50 per cent

raise looks good

on paper especially as you are

willing to make it

retroactive maybe the

retroactive part means that i

will get a little something

to eat at any rate it is easy

to see that i have won a most

important victory i would be willing

to make a permanent

settlement on the basis of

a 25 per cent increase and a half

a piece of pie i never was any good on

figures and maybe i am

getting a lot as it is but i

would rather have less

of a victory and more to eat

archy

We print this communication in full in order to show the public the difficulty we have with Archy. We have yielded in principle, we admit that he has won a victory, and we have given him a 50 per cent raise. It seems to me that we have done even more than could have been expected, but he seems dissatisfied. And yet he must know that he is in the wrong, for even while he talks of a moral victory he reduces his former outrageous demands for food by one half. He has been on the job without any food at all, so far as we know, for four years, and this sudden demand of his for something to eat does not have the ring of sincerity to our ears. What did he eat before he worked for the column? There is a strain of sordid materialism in Archy, we are afraid.

well i note you

put me back into nonpareil

again monday after raising me

to brevier all right boss

all right grind down

the laboring man there will come

a day of reckoning i dont have

to do this you know as far

as the food is concerned that

you have been giving me i lived before

i ever got into your column must close now

as mehitabel the cat is

scratching her claws against

the desk in a meaning sort of way

yours hastily

archy

a conversation with archy

insects and

the so called lower

animals have practically

no vices at all

as compared

with human beings

archy

Yes, yes, Archy; but does that prove the superiority of insects and the so-called lower animals? Or does it seem to point toward the necessity of vice in the evolutionary scheme? And to say “the necessity of vice” is to say “the necessity of morals”; for where there are no morals there is no vice.

well well

you do not feel

very sure of your

position or you would

not condescend to argue

about it with an insect

there is another thing

which i would like

to bring up

while we are talking

frankly to each other

and that is

the question of my raise

i returned to work faithfully

on the understanding

that i was to be fed

occasionally

but you never leave

anything on your desk any more

archy

We give you an opportunity to express yourself, and for the true artist that should be enough. You are always talking about your devotion to your art.

i want to be paid more

where would you be

if i left you flat

the only ideas

you ever had

you got from me

and after this i want

to appear in ten point

type

archy

After this you appear in minion type, or you don’t appear at all.

just listen to this then

this is my ultimatum

unless this piece

i am now writing

appears in ten point

type i will never

write another line

for you

archy

Just for that it goes in minion. And we are not afraid of your quitting us, again.