I felt
again that strange sensation of lightness which I had experienced
after I had seen her face in the garden. The great rooms seemed
brighter, life seemed worth living; my sluggish, melancholy blood
ran faster, and filled me with a new sense of strength. I said to
myself that without this woman I was but an imperfect being, but
that with her I could accomplish everything to which I should set
my hand. Like the great Doctor, when he thought he had cheated
Mephistopheles at last, I could have cried aloud to the fleeting
moment, Verweile doch, du bist so schon!
"Are you always gay?" I asked, suddenly. "How happy you must be!"
"The days would sometimes seem very long if I were gloomy," she
answered, thoughtfully. "Yes, I think I find life very pleasant,
and I tell it so."
"How can you 'tell life' anything?" I inquired. "If I could catch
my life and talk to it, I would abuse it prodigiously, I assure
you."
"I dare say. You have a melancholy temper. You ought to live out-
of-doors, dig potatoes, make hay, shoot, hunt, tumble into ditches,
and come home muddy and hungry for dinner. It would be much better
for you than moping in your rook tower and hating everything."
"It is rather lonely down there," I murmured, apologetically,
feeling that Miss Lammas was quite right.
"Then marry, and quarrel with your wife," she laughed. "Anything
is better than being alone."
"I am a very peaceable person. I never quarrel with anybody. You
can try it. You will find it quite impossible."
"Will you let me try?" she asked, still smiling.
"By all means—especially if it is to be only a preliminary
canter," I answered, rashly.
"What do you mean?" she inquired, turning quickly upon me.
"Oh—nothing. You might try my paces with a view to quarreling in
the future. I cannot imagine how you are going to do it. You will
have to resort to immediate and direct abuse."
"No. I will only say that if you do not like your life, it is your
own fault. How can a man of your age talk of being melancholy, or
of the hollowness of existence? Are you consumptive? Are you
subject to hereditary insanity? Are you deaf, like Aunt Bluebell?
Are you poor, like—lots of people? Have you been crossed in love?
Have you lost the world for a woman, or any particular woman for
the sake of the world? Are you feeble-minded, a cripple, an
outcast? Are you—repulsively ugly?" She laughed again. "Is
there any reason in the world why you should not enjoy all you have
got in life?"
"No. There is no reason whatever, except that I am dreadfully
unlucky, especially in small things."
"Then try big things, just for a change," suggested Miss Lammas.
"Try and get married, for instance, and see how it turns out."
"If it turned out badly it would be rather serious."
"Not half so serious as it is to abuse everything unreasonably. If
abuse is your particular talent, abuse something that ought to be
abused. Abuse the Conservatives—or the Liberals—it does not
matter which, since they are always abusing each other. Make
yourself felt by other people. You will like it, if they don't.
It will make a man of you. Fill your mouth with pebbles, and howl
at the sea, if you cannot do anything else. It did Demosthenes no
end of good, you know. You will have the satisfaction of imitating
a great man."
"Really, Miss Lammas, I think the list of innocent exercises you
propose—"
"Very well—if you don't care for that sort of thing, care for some
other sort of thing. Care for something, or hate something. Don't
be idle.
1 comment