‘Steal?’ Foh! A fico25 for the

phrase.

FALSTAFF    Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels27.

PISTOL    Why then, let kibes28 ensue.

FALSTAFF    There is no remedy: I must cony-catch, I must shift29.

PISTOL    Young ravens must have food.

FALSTAFF    Which of you know Ford of this town?

PISTOL    I ken the wight32: he is of substance good.

FALSTAFF    My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about33.

PISTOL    Two yards, and more.

FALSTAFF    No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist

two yards about, but I am now about no waste: I am about

thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to37 Ford’s wife. I spy

entertainment in her: she discourses, she carves38, she gives

the leer of invitation. I can construe the action39 of her

familiar style, and the hardest voice40 of her behaviour — to

be Englished41 rightly — is, ‘I am Sir John Falstaff’s.’

PISTOL    He hath studied her will42, and translated her will,

out of honesty43, into English.

NIM    The anchor is deep. Will that humour pass44?

FALSTAFF    Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her

husband’s purse: he hath a legion of angels46.

PISTOL    As many devils entertain. And ‘To her47, boy!’ say I.

NIM    The humour rises48: it is good. Humour me the angels.

FALSTAFF    I have writ me49 here a letter to her.

Shows letters

And here another to Page’s wife, who even now gave me

good eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious

oeillades52. Sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot,

sometimes my portly belly.

PISTOL    Then did the sun on dunghill shine.

NIM    I thank thee for that humour55.

FALSTAFF    O, she did so course56 o’er my exteriors with such a

greedy intention57, that the appetite of her eye did seem to

scorch me up like a burning-glass58. Here’s another letter to

her. She bears the purse too: she is a region in Guiana59, all gold

and bounty. I will be cheaters60 to them both, and they shall be

exchequers61 to me. They shall be my East and West Indies,

and I will trade62 to them both.— Go bear thou this

To Nim

letter to Mistress Page — and thou this to Mistress

To Pistol

Ford. We will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

PISTOL    Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy65 become,

And by my side wear steel66? Then Lucifer take all!

Gives back the letter

NIM    I will run no base humour67. Here, take the

humour-letter. I will keep the ’haviour of68

reputation.

Gives the letter back

FALSTAFF    Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly70,

To Robin

Sail like my pinnace71 to these golden shores.

Rogues, hence, avaunt72! Vanish like hailstones: go,

Trudge, plod away o’th’hoof, seek shelter, pack73!

Falstaff will learn the humour74 of the age,

French thrift, you rogues, myself and skirted75 page.

[Exeunt Falstaff and Robin]

PISTOL    Let vultures gripe thy guts! For gourd and fullam holds76,

And high and low beguiles77 the rich and poor:

Tester I’ll have in pouch78 when thou shalt lack,

Base Phrygia79n Turk!

NIM    I have operations which be humours of80 revenge.

PISTOL    Wilt thou revenge?

NIM    By welkin82 and her star!

PISTOL    With wit or steel83?

NIM    With both the humours, I. I will discuss the humour84

of this love to Ford.

PISTOL    And I to Page shall eke86 unfold

How Falstaff, varlet vile,

His dove will prove88, his gold will hold,

And his soft couch defile.

NIM    My humour shall not cool. I will incense Ford to

deal with poison. I will possess him with yellowness91, for the

revolt92 of mine is dangerous. That is my true humour.

PISTOL    Thou art the Mars of malcontents93. I second thee,

troop on.

Exeunt

Act 1 Scene 4

running scene 4

Enter Mistress Quickly, Simple and John Rugby

MISTRESS QUICKLY What, John Rugby! I pray thee go to the

casement and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor

Caius, coming. If he do, i’faith, and find anybody in the

house, here will be an old4 abusing of God’s patience and the

King’s English.

RUGBY I’ll go watch.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Go, and we’ll have a posset for’t soon at night7,

in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal8 fire.—

[Exit Rugby]

An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in

house withal, and, I warrant you, no tell-tale nor no breed-10

bate. His worst fault is that he is given to prayer, he is

something peevish12 that way, but nobody but has his fault.

But let that pass. Peter Simple you say your name is?

SIMPLE    Ay, for fault14 of a better.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    And Master Slender’s your master?

SIMPLE    Ay, forsooth.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Does he not wear a great round beard, like a

glover’s paring-knife18?

SIMPLE    No, forsooth, he hath but a little wee face, with a

little yellow beard: a Cain-coloured20 beard.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    A softly-sprighted21 man, is he not?

SIMPLE    Ay, forsooth, but he is as tall a man of his hands22 as

any is between this and his head23. He hath fought with a

warrener24.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    How say you? O, I should remember him:

does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?

SIMPLE    Yes, indeed, does he.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse

fortune. Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for

your master. Anne is a good girl, and I wish—

RUGBY    Out, alas!31 Here comes my master.

Within To Simple

MISTRESS QUICKLY    We shall all be shent32. Run in here,

good young man, go into this closet33. He will not stay long.

What, John Rugby? John! What, John, I say?

Simple goes into the closet

[Enter Rugby]

Go, John, go inquire for my master. I doubt35 he be not well,

that he comes not home.

[Exit Rugby]

And down, down, adown-a37, etc.

She sings

[Enter Caius]

CAIUS    Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys38. Pray you, go

and vetch me in my closet une boîtie en vert39: a box, a green-a

box.