His disappointment at the failure of his plan and perhaps also the weakness caused by starvation rendered him incapable of moving. With a certain definitiveness he sensed, terrified, that everything was about to collapse all around him, and so he waited. Not even the violin startled him when it fell from his mother’s lap beneath her trembling fingers, giving off a note that echoed in the air.
“Dear parents,” his sister said, striking the table by way of preamble, “things cannot go on like this. Even if you two perhaps do not realize it, I most certainly do. I am unwilling to utter my brother’s name before this creature, and therefore will say only: we have to try to get rid of it. We have done everything humanly possible to care for it and show it tolerance, I don’t think anyone would reproach us on this account.”
“She is right a thousand times over,” Gregor’s father murmured under his breath. His mother, still incapable of breathing freely, began to cough dully into her lifted hand, a lunatic expression in her eyes.
Gregor’s sister hurried over to her mother and held her forehead. Her words seemed to have given her father an idea, for he now sat up straight, playing with his uniform cap between the plates left behind on the table from the lodgers’ supper and glancing over from time to time at a quiet Gregor.
“We have to try to get rid of it,” his sister said, addressing her words exclusively to Gregor’s father this time, for his mother was coughing too hard to hear anything. “It’ll be the death of you two, I can see it now. When people have to work as hard as all of us have been doing, it just isn’t possible to endure these endless torments at home. I cannot bear it anymore either.” And she burst into sobs, weeping so forcefully that her tears flowed down upon her mother’s face, from which the girl wiped them with a mechanical gesture.
“Child,” her father said sympathetically and with noticeable compassion, “but what can we do?”
Gregor’s sister just shrugged her shoulders as a sign of the helplessness that had come over her while she was weeping, in contrast to the confidence she’d displayed a moment before.
“If he understood us,” Gregor’s father said, half-questioning; his sister, still caught up in her weeping, shook one hand vehemently as a sign of how unthinkable she found this.
“If he understood us,” his father repeated, closing his eyes to absorb her conviction that this was utterly out of the question, “then it might be possible to come to an agreement with him. But as things stand—”
“It has to go,” Gregor’s sister cried out, “that’s the only way, Father. You just have to try to let go of the notion that this thing is Gregor. The real disaster is that we believed this for so long. But how could it be Gregor? If it were Gregor, it would have realized a long time ago that it just isn’t possible for human beings to live beside such a creature, and it would have gone away on its own. We still would have been lacking a brother but we would have been able to go on living and honoring his memory. But now we have this beast tormenting us; it drives away our lodgers and apparently intends to take over the entire apartment and have us sleep in the gutter. Just look, Father,” she suddenly shrieked, “he’s starting again!” And in a fright that Gregor found bewildering, she now went so far as to leave her mother behind, launching herself from her chair as if she would rather sacrifice her mother than remain in Gregor’s proximity, and ran to take cover behind her father who, agitated by the way she was carrying on, rose from his own chair and half-raised his arms as if to shield her.
But Gregor was far from wanting to frighten anyone, above all his sister. All he’d done was start to turn around to make his way back to his room, and admittedly this operation would have been hard not to notice, since in his current injured state he was obliged to use his head to help with this difficult maneuver; he kept raising it up and then thumping it against the floor. Pausing, he glanced around. His good intentions seemed to have been recognized; it had been only a momentary fright. Now all of them gazed at him sadly and in silence. His mother lay in her armchair, her extended legs pressed together, barely able to keep her eyes open in her exhaustion; his father and sister sat side by side, and his sister had draped one hand across her father’s neck.
“Perhaps I’ll be allowed to turn around now,” Gregor thought and resumed his labors. He could not entirely suppress the wheezing this exertion produced, and now and then he had to rest. Otherwise no one was harassing him, he had been left to attend to matters on his own. When he had completed this rotation, he immediately made straight for the door to his room. He was astonished at how great a distance separated him from his destination, and he didn’t understand how, weak as he was, he had been able to traverse the same distance just a little while before almost without noticing. Steadfastly concentrating only on crawling as quickly as possible, he scarcely paid any heed to the fact that not a word, not a cry came from his family to disturb him. Only when he was already in the doorway did he turn his head—not all the way around, as he felt his neck growing stiff, but even so he was able to see that all was unchanged behind him, except that his sister had risen to her feet. The last thing he saw was a glimpse of his mother, who had now fallen entirely asleep.
No sooner was he in his room again than the door was hastily pressed shut, locked and bolted.
1 comment