"I am just
myself—myself separately. And in any case there cannot ever have
existed a close relation between us, for, judging from the buttons
of your undress uniform, your service is being performed in another
department than my own."
And the Nose definitely turned away.
Kovalev stood dumbfounded. What to do, even what to think, he
had not a notion.
Presently the agreeable swish of ladies' dresses began to be
heard. Yes, an elderly, lace-bedecked dame was approaching, and,
with her, a slender maiden in a white frock which outlined
delightfully a trim figure, and, above it, a straw hat of a
lightness as of pastry. Behind them there came, stopping every now
and then to open a snuffbox, a tall, whiskered beau in quite a
twelve-fold collar.
Kovalev moved a little nearer, pulled up the collar of his
shirt, straightened the seals on his gold watch-chain, smiled, and
directed special attention towards the slender lady as, swaying
like a floweret in spring, she kept raising to her brows a little
white hand with fingers almost of transparency. And Kovalev's
smiles became broader still when peeping from under the hat he saw
there to be an alabaster, rounded little chin, and part of a cheek
flushed like an early rose. But all at once he recoiled as though
scorched, for all at once he had remembered that he had not a nose
on him, but nothing at all. So, with tears forcing themselves
upwards, he wheeled about to tell the uniformed gentleman that he,
the uniformed gentleman, was no State Councillor, but an impostor
and a knave and a villain and the Major's own nose. But the Nose,
behold, was gone! That very moment had it driven away to,
presumably, pay another visit.
This drove Kovalev to the last pitch of desperation. He went
back to the mansion, and stationed himself under its portico, in
the hope that, by peering hither and thither, hither and thither,
he might once more see the Nose appear. But, well though he
remembered the Nose's cockaded hat and gold-braided uniform, he had
failed at the time to note also its cloak, the colour of its
horses, the make of its carriage, the look of the lackey seated
behind, and the pattern of the lackey's livery. Besides, so many
carriages were moving swiftly up and down the street that it would
have been impossible to note them all, and equally so to have
stopped any one of them. Meanwhile, as the day was fine and sunny,
the Prospekt was thronged with pedestrians also—a whole
kaleidoscopic stream of ladies was flowing along the pavements,
from Police Headquarters to the Anitchkin Bridge. There one could
descry an Aulic Councillor whom Kovalev knew well. A gentleman he
was whom Kovalev always addressed as "Lieutenant-Colonel," and
especially in the presence of others. And there there went
Yaryzhkin, Chief Clerk to the Senate, a crony who always rendered
forfeit at "Boston" on playing an eight. And, lastly, a like
"Major" with Kovalev, a like "Major" with an Assessorship acquired
through Caucasian service, started to beckon to Kovalev with a
finger!
"The devil take him!" was Kovalev's muttered comment. "Hi,
cabman! Drive to the Police Commissioner's direct."
But just when he was entering the drozhki he added:
"No. Go by Ivanovskaia Street."
"Is the Commissioner in?" he asked on crossing the
threshold.
"He is not," was the doorkeeper's reply. "He's gone this very
moment."
"There's luck for you!"
"Aye," the doorkeeper went on. "Only just a moment ago he was
off. If you'd been a bare half-minute sooner you'd have found him
at home, maybe."
Still holding the handkerchief to his face, Kovalev returned to
the cab, and cried wildly:
"Drive on!"
"Where to, though?" the cabman inquired.
"Oh, straight ahead!"
"'Straight ahead'? But the street divides here. To right, or to
left?"
The question caused Kovalov to pause and recollect himself. In
his situation he ought to make his next step an application to the
Board of Discipline—not because the Board was directly connected
with the police, but because its dispositions would be executed
more speedily than in other departments. To seek satisfaction of
the the actual department in which the Nose had declared itself to
be serving would be sheerly unwise, since from the Nose's very
replies it was clear that it was the sort of individual who held
nothing sacred, and, in that event, might lie as unconscionably as
it had lied in asserting itself never to have figured in its
proprietor's company. Kovalev, therefore, decided to seek the Board
of Discipline. But just as he was on the point of being driven
thither there occurred to him the thought that the impostor and
knave who had behaved so shamelessly during the late encounter
might even now be using the time to get out of the city, and that
in that case all further pursuit of the rogue would become vain, or
at all events last for, God preserve us! a full month. So at last,
left only to the guidance of Providence, the Major resolved to make
for a newspaper office, and publish a circumstantial description of
the Nose in such good time that anyone meeting with the truant
might at once be able either to restore it to him or to give
information as to its whereabouts. So he not only directed the
cabman to the newspaper office, but, all the way thither, prodded
him in the back, and shouted: "Hurry up, you rascal! Hurry up, you
rogue!" whilst the cabman intermittently responded: "Aye, barin,"
and nodded, and plucked at the reins of a steed as shaggy as a
spaniel.
The moment that the drozhki halted Kovalev dashed, breathless,
into a small reception-office. There, seated at a table, a
grey-headed clerk in ancient jacket and pair of spectacles was,
with pen tucked between lips, counting sums received in copper.
"Who here takes the advertisements?" Kovalev exclaimed as he
entered.
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