I added that I had no illusions about the amount of new fatigue and worry that caring for this sick child would cause the household and that I regretted very much not being able to help her more often. Finally, I did my best to appease her, and I also begged her not to create resentment for the innocent child that she did not deserve. I then observed that Sarah has reached an age where she could help more, and that Jacques was able to take care of his own needs. In short, God had put into my mouth the words that were necessary to help her accept what I was sure she would have voluntarily accepted if the events had unraveled in such a way that there was enough time to think about them and if she had not been so surprised.

 

I had the feeling that I had changed her mind, and already my dear Amélie was approaching Gertrude with a kind look. But suddenly she was even more irritated than ever after having taken the lamp to look at the child and realizing the extent of her indescribable filth.

 

“But this is an infection,” she cried. “Brush yourself, brush yourself quickly. No, not here. Go outside and do it. Ah! My God! The children are going to be covered with it. There is nothing in the world that I fear as much as vermin.”

 

Undeniably the poor child was covered with it, and I could not avoid a feeling of disgust when thinking that she was pressed against me for such a long time in the carriage.

 

When I came back in two minutes later, after having cleaned myself up as best I could, I found my wife melted into a chair with her head in her hands, sobbing.

 

“I did not plan for you to endure such a test,” I said to her tenderly. “In any case the hour is getting late, and we cannot see sufficiently. I will sit up tonight and tend to the fire which the little girl will sleep next to. Tomorrow we will cut her hair and clean her up properly. You do not have to begin taking care of her until you can look at her without horror. And I beg you to please not speak about this to the children.”

 

It was time to eat. Our daughter Rosalie served us while giving a hostile look to my protégé, who greedily devoured the bowl of soup that I held for her. The meal was silent. I wanted to tell the story of my adventure, to speak to the children and move their emotions by making them understand and feel the force of the events that happened, to excite their pity and their sympathy for the girl that God had invited us to receive. But I was afraid of reviving the irritation of Amélie. It seemed as if the order had been given to move forward and to forget the events that had occurred, despite the fact that certainly none of us would be able to think about anything else.

 

I was extremely moved when, more than an hour after everyone went to bed, and Amélie had left me alone in the room, I saw my little Charlotte open the door and walk toward me with bare feet and wearing her nightshirt. She threw herself around my neck and restrained me savagely while murmuring,

 

“I did not say good night to you.”

 

Then, pointing her little index finger at the blind girl who was resting innocently and whom she was curious to see before going to sleep, said,

 

“Why did I not kiss her good night?”

 

“You can kiss her tomorrow. For the present let us leave her. She is sleeping,” I said while walking her back to the door.

 

Then I sat down again and worked until the morning, reading and preparing my next sermon.

 

“Certainly,” I thought, “Charlotte was much more affectionate today than her older siblings. But has not each one of them changed since they were her age? Jacques has grown up and has become so distant and so reserved. One believes them to be tender, but they cajole, coax, and cuddle.

27 February

 

The snow fell even more abundantly last night. The children are delighted because soon, they say, we will be forced to leave the house by the windows. In fact this morning the door was blocked, and we had to go out through the laundry. Yesterday I assured myself that the village had sufficient provisions because, without doubt, we are going to be isolated from the rest of humanity for some time. This is not the first winter that the snow has blocked us, but I do not remember ever seeing it so deep. I will take advantage of this and continue the story that I began yesterday.

 

I said that I did not think much about what place this handicapped girl would occupy in our house when I brought her here.