Enter a Lord from hunting, with his train
LORD Huntsman, I charge12 thee tender well my hounds.
Brach13 Merriman, the poor cur is embossed,
And couple14 Clowder with the deep-mouthed brach.
Saw’st thou not, boy, how Silver made it good15
At the hedge-corner, in the coldest fault16?
I would not lose the dog for twenty pound.
FIRST HUNTSMAN Why, Belman is as good as he, my lord.
He cried upon it at the merest loss19,
And twice today picked out the dullest scent.
Trust me, I take him for the better dog.
LORD Thou art a fool. If Echo were as fleet22,
I would esteem him worth a dozen such.
But sup24 them well and look unto them all:
Tomorrow I intend to hunt again.
FIRST HUNTSMAN I will, my lord.
LORD What’s here? One dead, or drunk? See, doth he breathe?
Sees Sly
SECOND HUNTSMAN He breathes, my lord. Were he not warmed with ale,
This were a bed but cold29 to sleep so soundly.
LORD O monstrous beast, how like a swine he lies!
Grim death, how foul and loathsome is thine image31.
Sirs, I will practise on32 this drunken man.
What think you, if he were conveyed to bed,
Wrapped in sweet34 clothes, rings put upon his fingers,
A most delicious banquet35 by his bed,
And brave36 attendants near him when he wakes,
Would not the beggar then forget himself37?
FIRST HUNTSMAN Believe me, lord, I think he cannot choose38.
SECOND HUNTSMAN It would seem strange39 unto him when he waked.
LORD Even as a flatt’ring dream or worthless fancy40.
Then take him up and manage well the jest:
Carry him gently to my fairest chamber
And hang it round43 with all my wanton pictures:
Balm44 his foul head in warm distillèd waters
And burn sweet45 wood to make the lodging sweet:
Procure me music ready when he wakes,
To make a dulcet47 and a heavenly sound.
And if he chance to speak, be ready straight48
And with a low49 submissive reverence
Say ‘What is it your honour will command?’
Let one attend him with a silver basin
Full of rose-water and bestrewed with flowers,
Another bear the ewer53, the third a diaper,
And say ‘Will’t please your lordship cool your hands?’
Someone be ready with a costly suit
And ask him what apparel he will wear.
Another tell him of his hounds and horse,
And that his lady mourns at his disease58.
Persuade him that he hath been lunatic,
And when he says he is60, say that he dreams,
For he is nothing but a mighty lord.
This do, and do it kindly62, gentle sirs.
It will be pastime passing63 excellent,
If it be husbanded64 with modesty.
FIRST HUNTSMAN My lord, I warrant65 you we will play our part,
As66 he shall think by our true diligence
He is no less than what we say he is.
LORD Take him up gently and to bed with him,
Some carry out Sly
And each one to his office69 when he wakes.
Sound trumpets
Sirrah70, go see what trumpet ’tis that sounds.
[Exit a Servingman]
Belike71, some noble gentleman that means,
Travelling some journey, to repose him here.
Enter Servingman
How now? Who is it?
SERVINGMAN An’t74 please your honour, players
That offer service to your lordship.
Enter Players
LORD Bid them come near.— Now, fellows, you are welcome.
PLAYERS We thank your honour.
LORD Do you intend to stay with me tonight?
SECOND PLAYER So please79 your lordship to accept our duty.
LORD With all my heart. This fellow I remember,
Since once he played a farmer’s eldest son.
’Twas where you wooed the gentlewoman so well:
I have forgot your name, but, sure, that part
Was aptly fitted84 and naturally performed.
FIRST PLAYER I think ’twas Soto that your honour means.
LORD ’Tis very true, thou didst it excellent.
Well, you are come to me in happy87 time,
The rather for88 I have some sport in hand
Wherein your cunning89 can assist me much.
There is a lord will hear you play tonight;
But I am doubtful91 of your modesties,
Lest over-eyeing of92 his odd behaviour —
For yet his honour never heard a play —
You break into some merry passion94
And so offend him, for I tell you, sirs,
If you should smile he grows impatient96.
FIRST PLAYER Fear not, my lord, we can contain ourselves
Were he the veriest antic98 in the world.
LORD Go, sirrah, take them to the buttery99,
To a Servingman
And give them friendly welcome every one.
Let them want101 nothing that my house affords.
Exit one with the Players
Sirrah, go you to Barthol’mew my page,
And see him dressed in all suits103 like a lady.
That done, conduct him to the drunkard’s chamber,
And call him ‘madam’, do him obeisance105.
Tell him from me, as he will106 win my love,
He bear107 himself with honourable action,
Such as he hath observed in noble ladies
Unto their lords, by them accomplishèd109:
Such duty110 to the drunkard let him do
With soft low tongue111 and lowly courtesy,
And say, ‘What is’t your honour will command,
Wherein your lady and your humble wife
May show her duty and make known her love?’
And then with kind embracements, tempting kisses,
And with declining head into his bosom116,
Bid him shed tears, as being overjoyed
To see her noble lord restored to health,
Who for this seven years hath esteemèd him119
No better than a poor and loathsome beggar:
And if the boy have not a woman’s gift
To rain a shower of commanded tears122,
An onion will do well for such a shift123,
Which in a napkin124 being close conveyed
Shall in despite125 enforce a watery eye.
See this dispatched126 with all the haste thou canst.
Anon127 I’ll give thee more instructions.
Exit a Servingman
I know the boy will well usurp the grace128,
Voice, gait and action of a gentlewoman:
I long to hear him call the drunkard husband,
And how131 my men will stay themselves from laughter
When they do homage to this simple peasant.
I’ll in133 to counsel them. Haply my presence
May well abate the over-merry spleen134
Which otherwise would grow into extremes.
[Exeunt]
[Induction Scene 2]
Enter aloft the drunkard [Sly] with Attendants, some with apparel, basin and ewer, and other appurtenances, and Lord
SLY For God’s sake, a pot of small1 ale.
FIRST SERVINGMAN Will’t please your lordship drink a cup of sack2?
SECOND SERVINGMAN Will’t please your honour taste of these conserves3?
THIRD SERVINGMAN What raiment4 will your honour wear today?
SLY I am Christophero Sly, call not me ‘honour’
nor ‘lordship’. I ne’er drank sack in my life: and if you give me
any conserves, give me conserves of beef7: ne’er ask me what
raiment I’ll wear, for I have no more doublets8 than backs, no
more stockings than legs, nor no more shoes than feet —
nay, sometime more feet than shoes, or such shoes as my
toes look through the over-leather11.
LORD Heaven cease this idle humour12 in your honour!
O, that a mighty man of such descent,
Of such possessions and so high esteem,
Should be infusèd with so foul a spirit15!
SLY What, would you make me mad? Am not I
Christopher Sly, old Sly’s son of Burtonheath17, by birth a
pedlar, by education a cardmaker18, by transmutation a bear-
herd, and now by present profession a tinker19? Ask Marian
Hacket, the fat ale-wife20 of Wincot, if she know me not: if she
say I am not fourteen pence on the score21 for sheer ale, score
me up for the lying’st knave in Christendom. What, I am not
bestraught23! Here’s—
THIRD SERVINGMAN O, this it is that makes your lady mourn!
SECOND SERVINGMAN O, this is it that makes your servants droop25!
LORD Hence comes it that your kindred shuns your house,
As27 beaten hence by your strange lunacy.
O noble lord, bethink thee of thy birth,
Call home thy ancient29 thoughts from banishment
And banish hence these abject lowly dreams30.
Look how thy servants do attend on thee,
Each in his office ready at thy beck.
Wilt thou have music? Hark! Apollo33 plays,
Music
And twenty cagèd nightingales do sing.
Or wilt thou sleep? We’ll have thee to a couch
Softer and sweeter than the lustful36 bed
On purpose trimmed up37 for Semiramis.
Say thou wilt walk, we will bestrow38 the ground.
Or wilt thou ride? Thy horses shall be trapped39,
Their harness studded all with gold and pearl.
Dost thou love hawking41? Thou hast hawks will soar
Above the morning lark. Or wilt thou hunt?
Thy hounds shall make the welkin43 answer them
And fetch shrill echoes from the hollow earth.
FIRST SERVINGMAN Say thou wilt course45, thy greyhounds are as swift
As breathèd46 stags, ay, fleeter than the roe.
SECOND SERVINGMAN Dost thou love pictures? We will fetch thee straight
Adonis48 painted by a running brook,
And Cytherea49 all in sedges hid,
Which seem to move and wanton50 with her breath,
Even as the waving sedges play with wind.
LORD We’ll show thee Io52 as she was a maid,
And how she was beguilèd53 and surprised,
As lively54 painted as the deed was done.
THIRD SERVINGMAN Or Daphne55 roaming through a thorny wood,
Scratching her legs that one shall swear she bleeds,
And at that sight shall sad Apollo weep,
So workmanly58 the blood and tears are drawn.
LORD Thou art a lord, and nothing but a lord.
Thou hast a lady far more beautiful
Than any woman in this waning61 age.
FIRST SERVINGMAN And till the tears that she hath shed for thee
Like envious63 floods o’errun her lovely face,
She was the fairest creature in the world,
And yet65 she is inferior to none.
SLY Am I a lord? And have I such a lady?
Or do I dream? Or have I dreamed till now?
I do not sleep: I see, I hear, I speak,
I smell sweet savours and I feel soft things.
Upon my life, I am a lord indeed
And not a tinker nor Christopher Sly.
Well, bring our lady hither to our sight,
And once again, a pot o’th’smallest ale.
SECOND SERVINGMAN Will’t please your mightiness to wash your hands?
O, how we joy to see your wit75 restored!
O, that once more you knew but76 what you are!
These fifteen years you have been in a dream,
Or when you waked, so waked as if you slept.
SLY These fifteen years! By my fay79, a goodly nap.
But did I never speak of80 all that time?
FIRST SERVINGMAN O, yes, my lord, but very idle words,
For though you lay here in this goodly chamber,
Yet would you say ye were beaten out of door,
And rail upon84 the hostess of the house,
And say you would present her at the leet85,
Because she brought stone jugs and no sealed quarts86:
Sometimes you would call out for Cicely Hacket.
SLY Ay, the woman’s maid of the house88.
THIRD SERVINGMAN Why, sir, you know no house nor no such maid,
Nor no such men as you have reckoned up90,
As Stephen Sly and old John Naps of Greece91
And Peter Turph and Henry Pimpernell
And twenty more such names and men as these
Which never were nor no man ever saw.
SLY Now lord be thankèd for my good amends95!
ALL Amen.
Enter [the Page dressed as a] lady, with Attendants
SLY I thank thee. Thou shalt not lose by it.
PAGE How fares my noble lord?
SLY Marry99, I fare well, for here is cheer enough. Where is my wife?
PAGE Here, noble lord. What is thy will with her?
SLY Are you my wife and will not call me husband?
My men should call me ‘lord’. I am your goodman102.
PAGE My husband and my lord, my lord and husband,
I am your wife in all obedience.
SLY I know it well.— What must I call her?
LORD Madam.
SLY Al’ce107 madam, or Joan madam?
LORD ‘Madam’, and nothing else. So lords call ladies.
SLY Madam wife, they say that I have dreamed
And slept above some fifteen year or more.
PAGE Ay, and the time seems thirty unto me,
Being all this time abandoned112 from your bed.
SLY ’Tis much. Servants, leave me and her alone.
[Exeunt Attendants]
Madam, undress you and come now to bed.
PAGE Thrice-noble lord, let me entreat of you
To pardon me yet for a night or two,
Or, if not so, until the sun be set.
For your physicians have expressly charged,
In peril to incur your former malady119,
That I should yet absent me from your bed:
I hope this reason stands for121 my excuse.
SLY Ay, it stands122 so that I may hardly tarry so long. But I
would be loath to fall into my dreams again. I will therefore
tarry in despite124 of the flesh and the blood.
Enter a Messenger
MESSENGER Your honour’s players, hearing your amendment,
Are come to play a pleasant126 comedy,
For so your doctors hold it very meet127,
Seeing too much sadness hath congealed your blood,
And melancholy is the nurse of frenzy:
Therefore they thought it good you hear a play
And frame131 your mind to mirth and merriment,
Which bars132 a thousand harms and lengthens life.
SLY Marry, I will, let them play it. Is not a comonty a
Christmas gambold133 or a tumbling trick134?
PAGE No, my good lord, it is more pleasing stuff135.
SLY What, household stuff?
PAGE It is a kind of history137.
SLY Well, we’ll see’t. Come, madam wife, sit by my side
and let the world slip139, we shall ne’er be younger.
They sit
Flourish
[Act 1 Scene 1]
running scene 2
Location: Padua
Enter Lucentio and his man Tranio
LUCENTIO Tranio, since for the great desire I had
To see fair Padua2, nursery of arts,
I am arrived for3 fruitful Lombardy,
The pleasant garden of great Italy,
And by my father’s love and leave5 am armed
With his good will and thy good company,
My trusty servant, well approved7 in all,
Here let us breathe8 and haply institute
A course of learning and ingenious9 studies.
Pisa, renownèd for grave10 citizens,
Gave me my being and my father first11,
A merchant of great traffic12 through the world,
Vincentio come of13 the Bentivolii.
Vincentio’s son, brought up in Florence,
It shall become to serve all hopes conceived,
To deck his fortune with his virtuous deeds14:
And therefore, Tranio, for the time I study,
Virtue and that part of philosophy
Will I apply that treats of19 happiness
By virtue specially to be achieved.
Tell me thy mind, for I have Pisa left
And am to Padua come, as he that leaves
A shallow plash23 to plunge him in the deep
And with satiety24 seeks to quench his thirst.
TRANIO Mi perdonato25, gentle master mine.
I am in all affected26 as yourself,
Glad that you thus continue your resolve
To suck the sweets of sweet philosophy.
Only, good master, while we do admire
This virtue and this moral discipline,
Let’s be no stoics31 nor no stocks, I pray,
Or so devote to Aristotle32’s checks
As33 Ovid be an outcast quite abjured.
Balk34 logic with acquaintance that you have
And practise rhetoric in your common35 talk,
Music and poesy use to quicken36 you;
The mathematics and the metaphysics,
Fall to38 them as you find your stomach serves you.
No profit grows where is no pleasure ta’en39:
In brief, sir, study what you most affect40.
LUCENTIO Gramercies41, Tranio, well dost thou advise.
If, Biondello, thou wert42 come ashore,
We could at once put us in readiness,
And take a lodging fit to entertain
Such friends as time in Padua shall beget45.
But stay a while, what company is this?
TRANIO Master, some show to welcome us to town.
Enter Baptista with his two daughters, Katherina and Bianca, Gremio a pantaloon, Hortensio suitor to Bianca. Lucentio [and] Tranio stand by
BAPTISTA Gentlemen, importune48 me no farther,
For how I firmly am resolved you know:
That is, not to bestow50 my youngest daughter
Before I have a husband for the elder.
If either of you both love Katherina,
Because I know you well and love you well,
Leave shall you have to court her at your pleasure.
GREMIO To cart her55 rather. She’s too rough for me.
Aside?
There, there, Hortensio, will you56 any wife?
KATE I pray you, sir, is it your will
To Baptista
To make a stale58 of me amongst these mates?
HORTENSIO ‘Mates’, maid? How mean you that? No mates for you,
Unless you were of gentler, milder mould.
KATE I’faith, sir, you shall never need to fear:
Iwis62 it is not halfway to her heart.
But if it were, doubt not her care63 should be
To comb your noddle64 with a three-legged stool
And paint65 your face and use you like a fool.
HORTENSIO From all such devils, good lord deliver us!
GREMIO And me too, good lord!
TRANIO Husht, master! Here’s some good pastime toward68;
Aside to Lucentio
That wench is stark mad or wonderful froward69.
LUCENTIO But in the other’s silence do I see
Aside to Tranio
Maid’s mild behaviour and sobriety.
Peace, Tranio!
TRANIO Well said, master. Mum73, and gaze your fill.
Aside to Lucentio
BAPTISTA Gentlemen, that I may soon make good
What I have said, Bianca, get you in,
And let it not displease thee, good Bianca,
For I will love thee ne’er the less, my girl.
KATE A pretty peat78! It is best
Put finger in the eye, an she knew why79.
BIANCA Sister, content you80 in my discontent.
Sir, to your pleasure81 humbly I subscribe:
My books and instruments shall be my company,
On them to look and practise by myself.
LUCENTIO Hark, Tranio, thou may’st hear Minerva84 speak.
HORTENSIO Signior Baptista, will you be so strange85?
Sorry am I that our good will effects86
Bianca’s grief.
GREMIO Why will you mew her up88,
Signior Baptista, for89 this fiend of hell,
And make her90 bear the penance of her tongue?
BAPTISTA Gentlemen, content ye, I am resolved.—
Go in, Bianca.—
[Exit Bianca]
And for93 I know she taketh most delight
In music, instruments and poetry,
Schoolmasters will I keep within my house
Fit to instruct her youth. If you, Hortensio,
Or Signior Gremio, you, know any such,
Prefer98 them hither, for to cunning men
I will be very kind, and liberal
To mine own children in good bringing up.
And so farewell.— Katherina, you may stay,
For I have more to commune102 with Bianca.
Exit
KATE Why, and I trust I may go too, may I not? What,
shall I be appointed hours104, as though, belike, I knew not
what to take and what to leave? Ha?
Exit
GREMIO You may go to the devil’s dam106. Your gifts are so
good, here’s none will hold you107.— Their love is not so great,
Hortensio, but we may blow our nails108 together, and fast it
fairly out. Our cake’s dough on both sides109. Farewell. Yet for
the love I bear my sweet Bianca, if I can by any means light
on110 a fit man to teach her that wherein she delights, I will
wish112 him to her father.
HORTENSIO So will I, Signior Gremio. But a word, I pray.
Though the nature of our quarrel yet never brooked parle114,
know now, upon advice115, it toucheth us both — that we may
yet again have access to our fair mistress and be happy rivals
in Bianca’s love — to labour and effect117 one thing specially.
GREMIO What’s that, I pray?
HORTENSIO Marry, sir, to get a husband for her sister.
GREMIO A husband? A devil.
HORTENSIO I say a husband.
GREMIO I say a devil. Think’st thou, Hortensio, though her
father be very rich, any man is so very a fool to be married to
hell?
HORTENSIO Tush, Gremio, though it pass125 your patience and
mine to endure her loud alarums126, why, man, there be good
fellows in the world, an127 a man could light on them, would
take her with all faults, and money enough.
GREMIO I cannot tell, but I had as lief129 take her dowry with
this condition: to be whipped at the high cross130 every
morning.
HORTENSIO Faith, as you say, there’s small choice in rotten
apples. But come, since this bar in law133 makes us friends, it
shall be so far forth friendly maintained till by helping
Baptista’s eldest daughter to a husband we set his youngest
free for a husband, and then have to’t afresh136. Sweet Bianca!
Happy man be his dole!137 He that runs fastest gets the ring.
How say you, Signior Gremio?
GREMIO I am agreed, and would I had given him the best
horse in Padua to begin his wooing that would thoroughly
woo her, wed her and bed her and rid the house of her!
Come on.
Exeunt both [Gremio and Hortensio].
Tranio and Lucentio remain
TRANIO I pray, sir, tell me, is it possible
That love should of a sudden take such hold?
LUCENTIO O Tranio, till I found it to be true,
I never thought it possible or likely.
But see, while idly I stood looking on,
I found the effect of love in idleness148,
And now in plainness do confess to thee,
That art to me as secret150 and as dear
As Anna to the Queen of Carthage151 was,
Tranio, I burn, I pine, I perish, Tranio,
If I achieve not this young modest girl.
Counsel me, Tranio, for I know thou canst.
Assist me, Tranio, for I know thou wilt.
TRANIO Master, it is no time to chide you now.
Affection is not rated157 from the heart:
If love have touched you, naught remains but so,
Redime te captum quam queas minimo159.
LUCENTIO Gramercies, lad.
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