‘Item: She can milk.’274 Look
you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands.
[Enter Speed]
SPEED How now, Signior Lance? What news with your
mastership?
LANCE With my master’s ship? Why, it is at sea.
SPEED Well, your old vice279 still: mistake the word. What
news, then, in your paper?
LANCE The blackest news that ever thou heard’st.
SPEED Why, man? How black?
LANCE Why, as black as ink.
SPEED Let me read them.
LANCE Fie on thee, jolt-head285, thou canst not read.
SPEED Thou liest: I can.
LANCE I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot287 thee?
SPEED Marry, the son of my grandfather.
LANCE O illiterate loiterer! It was the son of thy
grandmother: this proves that thou canst not read.
SPEED Come, fool, come: try me in291 thy paper.
Gives him the paper
LANCE There: and Saint Nicholas be thy speed.292
Reads
SPEED ‘Imprimis: She can milk.’
LANCE Ay, that she can.
SPEED ‘Item: She brews good ale.’
LANCE And thereof comes the proverb ‘Blessing of your
heart, you brew good ale.’
SPEED ‘Item: She can sew.’298
LANCE That’s as much as to say ‘Can she so?’
SPEED ‘Item: She can knit.’
LANCE What need a man care for a stock301 with a wench,
when she can knit him a stock?302
SPEED ‘Item: She can wash and scour.’
LANCE A special virtue, for then she need not be washed304
and scoured.
SPEED ‘Item: She can spin.’306
LANCE Then may I set the world on wheels307, when she can
spin for her living.
SPEED ‘Item: She hath many nameless virtues.’309
LANCE That’s as much as to say ‘bastard virtues310’ that
indeed know not their fathers, and therefore have no names.
SPEED Here follow her vices.
LANCE Close at the heels of her virtues.
SPEED ‘Item: She is not to be kissed fasting in respect of314 her
breath.’
LANCE Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast.
Read on.
SPEED ‘Item: She hath a sweet mouth.’318
LANCE That makes amends for her sour breath.
SPEED ‘Item: She doth talk in her sleep.’
LANCE It’s no matter for that, so she sleep321 not in her talk.
SPEED ‘Item: She is slow in words.’
LANCE O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be
slow in words is a woman’s only virtue: I pray thee out
with’t, and place it for her chief virtue.
SPEED ‘Item: She is proud.’326
LANCE Out with that too: it was Eve’s legacy327, and cannot be
ta’en from her.
SPEED ‘Item: She hath no teeth.’329
LANCE I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.
SPEED ‘Item: She is curst.’331
LANCE Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.
SPEED ‘Item: She will often praise333 her liquor.’
LANCE If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will,
for good things should be praised.
SPEED ‘Item: She is too liberal.’336
LANCE Of her tongue she cannot337, for that’s writ down she
is slow of: of her purse she shall not, for that I’ll keep shut.
Now, of another thing339 she may, and that cannot I help. Well,
proceed.
SPEED ‘Item: She hath more hair than wit, and more faults
than hairs, and more wealth than faults.’
LANCE Stop there: I’ll have her. She was mine and not
mine, twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse344 that once
more.
SPEED ‘Item: She hath more hair than wit’—
LANCE More hair than wit? It may be I’ll prove347 it. The
cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than348
the salt; the hair that covers the wit is more than the wit, for
the greater hides the less. What’s next?
SPEED ‘And more faults than hairs’—
LANCE That’s monstrous: O, that that were out!352
SPEED ‘And more wealth than faults.’
LANCE Why, that word makes the faults gracious.354 Well, I’ll
have her: and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible—
SPEED What then?
LANCE Why, then will I tell thee — that thy master stays for
thee at the North-gate.
SPEED For me?
LANCE For thee? Ay, who art thou? He hath stayed for a
better man than thee.
SPEED And must I go to him?
LANCE Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long
that going will scarce serve the turn.
SPEED Why didst not tell me sooner? Pox of365’ your love
letters!
[Exit]
LANCE Now will he be swinged367 for reading my letter; an
unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into secrets. I’ll368
after, to rejoice in the boy’s correction.
Exit
Act 3 Scene 2
running scene 12
Enter Duke [and] Turio
DUKE Sir Turio, fear not but that she will love you,
Now Valentine is banished from her sight.
TURIO Since his exile she hath despised me most,
Forsworn my company and railed4 at me,
That5 I am desperate of obtaining her.
DUKE This weak impress of love is as a figure6
Trenchèd7 in ice, which with an hour’s heat
Dissolves to water and doth lose his form.
A little time will melt her frozen thoughts
And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.
[Enter Proteus]
How now, Sir Proteus, is your countryman,
According to our proclamation, gone?
PROTEUS Gone, my good lord.
DUKE My daughter takes his going grievously?14
PROTEUS A little time, my lord, will kill that grief.
DUKE So I believe, but Turio thinks not so.
Proteus, the good conceit17 I hold of thee—
For thou hast shown some sign of good desert18—
Makes me the better19 to confer with thee.
PROTEUS Longer than I prove loyal to your grace
Let me not live to look upon your grace.
DUKE Thou know’st how willingly I would effect22
The match between Sir Turio and my daughter?
PROTEUS I do, my lord.
DUKE And also, I think, thou art not ignorant
How she opposes her against my will?
PROTEUS She did, my lord, when Valentine was here.
DUKE Ay, and perversely she persevers so.
What might we do to make the girl forget
The love of Valentine, and love Sir Turio?
PROTEUS The best way is to slander Valentine
With falsehood, cowardice and poor descent:32
Three things that women highly hold in hate.
DUKE Ay, but she’ll think that it is spoke in hate.
PROTEUS Ay, if his enemy deliver35 it:
Therefore it must with circumstance36 be spoken
By one whom she esteemeth as his friend.
DUKE Then you must undertake to slander him.
PROTEUS And that, my lord, I shall be loath39 to do:
’Tis an ill office for a gentleman,
Especially against his very41 friend.
DUKE Where your good word cannot advantage him,
Your slander never can endamage him;
Therefore the office is indifferent,
Being entreated to it by your friend.45
PROTEUS You have prevailed, my lord: if I can do it
By aught that I can speak in his dispraise,47
She shall not long continue love to him.
But say this weed49 her love from Valentine,
It follows not that she will love Sir Turio.
TURIO Therefore, as you unwind her love from him,
Lest it should ravel52 and be good to none,
You must provide to bottom53 it on me,
Which must be done by praising me as much
As you in worth dispraise Sir Valentine.
DUKE And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this kind56
Because we know, on Valentine’s report,
You are already Love’s firm votary,
And cannot soon revolt and change your mind.
Upon this warrant60 shall you have access
Where you with Silvia may confer at large—
For she is lumpish, heavy62, melancholy,
And, for your friend’s sake, will be glad of you—
Where you may temper64 her by your persuasion
To hate young Valentine and love my friend.
PROTEUS As much as I can do, I will effect.
But you, Sir Turio, are not sharp67 enough:
You must lay lime to tangle68 her desires
By wailful sonnets, whose composèd69 rhymes
Should be full-fraught with serviceable vows.70
DUKE Ay, much is the force of heaven-bred poesy.71
PROTEUS Say that upon the altar of her beauty
You sacrifice your tears, your sighs, your heart.
Write till your ink be dry, and with your tears
Moist it again, and frame75 some feeling line
That may discover such integrity:76
For Orpheus’ lute was strung with poets’ sinews,77
Whose golden touch could soften steel and stones,
Make tigers tame and huge leviathans79
Forsake unsounded deeps80 to dance on sands.
After your dire-lamenting elegies,81
Visit by night your lady’s chamber-window
With some sweet consort83; to their instruments
Tune a deploring dump.84 The night’s dead silence
Will well become such sweet-complaining grievance.
This, or else nothing, will inherit86 her.
DUKE This discipline87 shows thou hast been in love.
TURIO And thy advice this night I’ll put in practice.
Therefore, sweet Proteus, my direction-giver,
Let us into the city presently
To sort91 some gentlemen well skilled in music.
I have a sonnet that will serve the turn
To give the onset to93 thy good advice.
DUKE About it,94 gentlemen!
PROTEUS We’ll wait upon your grace till after supper,
And afterward determine our proceedings.
DUKE Even now about it. I will pardon you.97
Exeunt
running scene 13
Enter certain Outlaws
FIRST OUTLAW Fellows, stand fast: I see a passenger.1
SECOND OUTLAW If there be ten, shrink not, but down with ’em.
[Enter Valentine and Speed]
THIRD OUTLAW Stand3, sir, and throw us that you have about ye.
If not, we’ll make you sit and rifle4 you.
SPEED Sir, we are undone; these are the villains
That all the travellers do fear so much.
VALENTINE My friends—
FIRST OUTLAW That’s not so, sir: we are your enemies.
SECOND OUTLAW Peace: we’ll hear him.
THIRD OUTLAW Ay, by my beard, will we: for he is a proper10 man.
VALENTINE Then know that I have little wealth to lose;
A man I am, crossed with12 adversity:
My riches are these poor habiliments,13
Of which, if you should here disfurnish14 me,
You take the sum and substance15 that I have.
SECOND OUTLAW Whither travel you?
VALENTINE To Verona.
FIRST OUTLAW Whence came you?
VALENTINE From Milan.
THIRD OUTLAW Have you long sojourned20 there?
VALENTINE Some sixteen months, and longer might have stayed,
If crookèd22 fortune had not thwarted me.
FIRST OUTLAW What, were you banished thence?
VALENTINE I was.
SECOND OUTLAW For what offence?
VALENTINE For that which now torments me to rehearse:
I killed a man, whose death I much repent,
But yet I slew him manfully, in fight,
Without false vantage29 or base treachery.
FIRST OUTLAW Why, ne’er repent it, if it were done so;
But were you banished for so small a fault?
VALENTINE I was, and held me glad of such a doom.32
SECOND OUTLAW Have you the tongues?33
VALENTINE My youthful travel therein made me happy,34
Or else I often had been miserable.
THIRD OUTLAW By the bare scalp of Robin Hood’s fat friar,36
This fellow were a king for our wild faction!37
FIRST OUTLAW We’ll have him. Sirs, a word.
Outlaws confer privately
SPEED Master, be one of them: it’s an honourable kind of
thievery.
VALENTINE Peace, villain.
SECOND OUTLAW Tell us this: have you anything to take to?42
VALENTINE Nothing but my fortune.
THIRD OUTLAW Know then that some of us are gentlemen,
Such as the fury of ungoverned45 youth
Thrust from the company of awful46 men.
Myself was from Verona banishèd
For practising48 to steal away a lady,
An heir and niece49, allied unto the duke.
SECOND OUTLAW And I from Mantua50, for a gentleman,
Who, in my mood51, I stabbed unto the heart.
FIRST OUTLAW And I for such like petty crimes as these.
But to the purpose: for we cite53 our faults,
That they may hold excused54 our lawless lives;
And partly, seeing you are beautified
With goodly shape56, and by your own report
A linguist and a man of such perfection
As we do in our quality58 much want—
SECOND OUTLAW Indeed, because you are a banished man,
Therefore, above the rest, we parley60 to you:
Are you content to be our general?
To make a virtue of necessity
And live as we do in this wilderness?
THIRD OUTLAW What say’st thou? Wilt thou be of our consort?64
Say ‘ay’, and be the captain of us all:
We’ll do thee homage66 and be ruled by thee,
Love thee as our commander and our king.
FIRST OUTLAW But if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest.
SECOND OUTLAW Thou shalt not live to brag what we have offered.
VALENTINE I take your offer and will live with you,
Provided that you do no outrages71
On silly72 women or poor passengers.
THIRD OUTLAW No, we detest such vile base practices.
Come, go with us: we’ll bring thee to our crews,74
And show thee all the treasure we have got,
Which, with ourselves, all rest at thy dispose.76
Exeunt
running scene 14
Enter Proteus
PROTEUS Already have I been false to Valentine,
And now I must be as unjust to Turio:
Under the colour of commending3 him,
I have access my own love to prefer.
But Silvia is too fair, too true, too holy,
To be corrupted with my worthless gifts;
When I protest7 true loyalty to her,
She twits8 me with my falsehood to my friend;
When to her beauty I commend9 my vows,
She bids me think how I have been forsworn
In breaking faith with Julia, whom I loved;
And notwithstanding all her sudden quips,12
The least whereof would quell a lover’s hope,
Yet, spaniel-like, the more she spurns my love,
The more it grows and fawneth on her still.
[Enter Turio and Musicians]
But here comes Turio; now must we to her window,
And give some evening music to her ear.
TURIO How now, Sir Proteus, are you crept18 before us?
PROTEUS Ay, gentle Turio, for you know that love
Will creep in service where it cannot go.20
TURIO Ay, but I hope, sir, that you love not here.21
PROTEUS Sir, but I do: or else I would be hence.
TURIO Who, Silvia?
PROTEUS Ay, Silvia: for your sake.
TURIO I thank you for your own.25 Now, gentlemen,
Let’s tune, and to it lustily26 awhile.
[Enter, at a distance, the Host, and Julia in boy’s clothes]
They talk apart
HOST Now, my young guest, methinks you’re allicholly27; I
pray you, why is it?
JULIA Marry, mine host, because I cannot be merry.
HOST Come, we’ll have you merry: I’ll bring you where
you shall hear music and see the gentleman that you asked
for.
JULIA But shall I hear him speak?
HOST Ay, that you shall.
Music plays
JULIA That will be music.
HOST Hark, hark!
JULIA Is he among these?
HOST Ay: but peace, let’s hear ’em.
[PROTEUS or A MUSICIAN sings the] song
Who is Silvia? What is she?
That all our swains40 commend her?
Holy, fair and wise is she:
The heaven such grace42 did lend her,
That she might admirèd43 be.
Is she kind as she is fair?
For beauty lives with kindness:
Love doth to her eyes repair,46
To help him of47 his blindness,
And, being helped, inhabits there.
Then to Silvia let us sing,
That Silvia is excelling;
She excels each mortal thing
Upon the dull earth dwelling.
To her let us garlands bring.
HOST How now? Are you sadder than you were before?
How do you, man? The music likes55 you not.
JULIA You mistake: the musician likes me not.56
HOST Why, my pretty youth?
JULIA He plays false, father.58
HOST How, out of tune on the strings?
JULIA Not so: but yet so false that he grieves my very
heart-strings.
HOST You have a quick62 ear.
JULIA Ay, I would I were deaf: it makes me have a slow63
heart.
HOST I perceive you delight not in music.
JULIA Not a whit, when it jars66 so.
HOST Hark what fine change67 is in the music.
JULIA Ay, that change is the spite.68
HOST You would have them always play but one thing?69
JULIA I would always have one play but one thing.70
But, host, doth this Sir Proteus that we talk on
Often resort unto this gentlewoman?
HOST I tell you what Lance his man told me: he loved her
out of all nick.74
JULIA Where is Lance?
HOST Gone to seek his dog, which tomorrow, by his
master’s command, he must carry for a present to his lady.
JULIA Peace, stand aside: the company parts.
Julia and the Host stand aside
PROTEUS Sir Turio, fear not you: I will so plead
That you shall say my cunning drift excels.
TURIO Where meet we?
PROTEUS At Saint Gregory’s well.82
TURIO Farewell.
[Exeunt Turio and Musicians]
[Enter Silvia above, at her window]
PROTEUS Madam, good even to your ladyship.
SILVIA I thank you for your music, gentlemen.
Who is that that spake?
PROTEUS One, lady, if you knew his pure heart’s truth,
You would quickly learn to know him by his voice.
SILVIA Sir Proteus, as I take it.
PROTEUS Sir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant.
SILVIA What’s your will?91
PROTEUS That I may compass yours.92
SILVIA You have your wish: my will is even this,
That presently you hie94 you home to bed.
Thou subtle,95 perjured, false, disloyal man:
Think’st thou I am so shallow, so conceitless,96
To be seduced by thy flattery,
That hast deceived so many with thy vows?
Return, return, and make thy love99 amends.
For me — by this pale queen of night100 I swear—
I am so far from granting thy request
That I despise thee for thy wrongful suit,102
And by and by103 intend to chide myself,
Even for this time I spend in talking to thee.
PROTEUS I grant, sweet love, that I did love a lady:
But she is dead.
Aside
JULIA ’Twere false, if107 I should speak it;
For I am sure she is not burièd.
SILVIA Say that she be: yet Valentine thy friend
Survives; to whom, thyself art witness,
I am betrothed. And art thou not ashamed
To wrong him with thy importunacy?112
PROTEUS I likewise hear that Valentine is dead.
SILVIA And so suppose am I114: for in his grave
Assure thyself, my love is burièd.
PROTEUS Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth.
SILVIA Go to thy lady’s grave and call hers117 thence,
Or at the least, in hers sepulchre118 thine.
Aside
JULIA He heard not that.
PROTEUS Madam, if your heart be so obdurate,120
Vouchsafe121 me yet your picture for my love,
The picture that is hanging in your chamber.
To that I’ll speak, to that I’ll sigh and weep:
For since the substance of your perfect self
Is else125 devoted, I am but a shadow,
And to your shadow126 will I make true love.
Aside
JULIA If ’twere a substance, you would sure deceive it,127
And make it but a shadow, as I am.
SILVIA I am very loath to be your idol, sir;
But, since your falsehood shall become you well130
To worship shadows and adore false shapes,
Send to me in the morning, and I’ll send it.
And so, good rest.
PROTEUS As wretches have o’ernight
That wait for execution in the morn.
[Exeunt Proteus and Silvia, separately]
JULIA Host, will you go?
HOST By my halidom137, I was fast asleep.
JULIA Pray you, where lies138 Sir Proteus?
HOST Marry, at my house.139 Trust me, I think ’tis almost
day.
JULIA Not so: but it hath been the longest night
That e’er I watched, and the most heaviest.142
[Exeunt]
Act 4 Scene 3
running scene 15
Enter Eglamour
EGLAMOUR This is the hour that Madam Silvia
Entreated me to call and know her mind:
There’s some great matter she’d employ me in.
Madam, madam.
[Enter Silvia above, at her window]
SILVIA Who calls?
EGLAMOUR Your servant and your friend;
One that attends your ladyship’s command.
SILVIA Sir Eglamour, a thousand times good morrow.
EGLAMOUR As many, worthy lady, to yourself:
According to your ladyship’s impose,10
I am thus early come to know what service
It is your pleasure to command me in.
SILVIA O, Eglamour, thou art a gentleman—
Think not I flatter, for I swear I do not—
Valiant, wise, remorseful15, well accomplished.
Thou art not ignorant what dear good will
I bear unto the banished Valentine,
Nor how my father would enforce me marry
Vain19 Turio, whom my very soul abhorred.
Thyself hast loved, and I have heard thee say
No grief did ever come so near thy heart
As when thy lady and thy true love died,
Upon whose grave thou vowed’st pure chastity.
Sir Eglamour, I would24 to Valentine,
To Mantua, where I hear he makes abode;
And for26 the ways are dangerous to pass,
I do desire thy worthy company,
Upon whose faith and honour I repose.28
Urge not my father’s anger, Eglamour,
But think upon my grief, a lady’s grief,
And on the justice of my flying hence,
To keep me from a most unholy match,
Which heaven and fortune still33 rewards with plagues.
I do desire thee, even from a heart
As full of sorrows as the sea of sands,
To bear me company and go with me:
If not, to hide what I have said to thee,
That I may venture to depart alone.
EGLAMOUR Madam, I pity much your grievances,39
Which, since I know they virtuously are placed,
I give consent to go along with you,
Recking as little what betideth42 me
As much I wish all good befortune43 you.
When will you go?
SILVIA This evening coming.
EGLAMOUR Where shall I meet you?
SILVIA At Friar Patrick’s cell,47
Where I intend holy confession.
EGLAMOUR I will not fail your ladyship.
Good morrow, gentle lady.
SILVIA Good morrow, kind Sir Eglamour.
Exeunt [separately]
Act 4 Scene 4
running scene 16
Enter Lance [with his dog, Crab]
LANCE When a man’s servant shall play the cur1 with him,
look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of2 a puppy: one
that I saved from drowning, when three or four of his blind
brothers and sisters went to it. I have taught him, even as
one would say precisely, ‘thus I would teach a dog’. I was sent
to deliver him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my master,
and I came no sooner into the dining-chamber but he steps7
me to her trencher and steals her capon’s8 leg: O, ’tis a foul
thing when a cur cannot keep9 himself in all companies. I
would have, as one should say, one that takes upon him10 to be
a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a dog at11 all things. If I had not
had more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did12, I
think verily he had13 been hanged for’t: sure as I live, he had
suffered for’t, you shall judge. He thrusts me14 himself into the
company of three or four gentlemanlike dogs under the
duke’s table: he had not been there — bless the mark16 — a
pissing while17, but all the chamber smelt him. ‘Out with the
dog!’ says one. ‘What cur is that?’ says another. ‘Whip him
out’, says the third. ‘Hang him up’, says the duke. I, having
been acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab, and
goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs: ‘Friend,’ quoth I,
‘you mean to whip the dog?’ ‘Ay, marry, do I’, quoth he. ‘You
do him the more wrong,’ quoth I, ‘’twas I did the thing you
wot of.’ He makes me no more ado24, but whips me out of the
chamber. How many masters would do this for his servant?
Nay, I’ll be sworn, I have sat in the stocks for puddings26
he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed: I have stood
on the pillory28 for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had
suffered for’t.—Thou think’st not of this now. Nay,
To Crab
I remember the trick you served me when I took my leave of
Madam Silvia: did not I bid thee still mark31 me and do as I do?
When didst thou see me heave up my leg and make water32
against a gentlewoman’s farthingale? Didst thou ever see me
do such a trick?
[Enter Proteus, and Julia disguised as Sebastian]
To Julia
PROTEUS Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well and will
employ thee in some service presently.
JULIA In what you please, I’ll do what I can.
To Lance
PROTEUS I hope thou wilt.—How now, you whoreson
peasant, where have you been these two days loitering?
LANCE Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you
bade me.
PROTEUS And what says she to my little jewel?42
LANCE Marry, she says your dog was a cur43, and tells you
currish44 thanks is good enough for such a present.
PROTEUS But she received my dog?
LANCE No indeed did she not: here have I brought him back
again.
Points to Crab
PROTEUS What, didst thou offer her this from me?
LANCE Ay, sir: the other squirrel49 was stolen from me by the
hangman boys50 in the market-place, and then I offered her
mine own, who is a dog as big as ten of yours, and therefore
the gift the greater.
PROTEUS Go get thee hence, and find my dog again,
Or ne’er return again into my sight.
Away, I say: stay’st thou to vex me here?
[Exit Lance with Crab]
A slave, that still an end56 turns me to shame.
Sebastian, I have entertained57 thee,
Partly that I have need of such a youth
That can with some discretion do my business,
For ’tis no trusting to yond60 foolish lout,
But chiefly for thy face and thy behaviour,61
Which, if my augury62 deceive me not,
Witness63 good bringing up, fortune and truth:
Therefore know thou, for this I entertain thee.
Gives a ring
Go presently, and take this ring with thee,
Deliver it to Madam Silvia;
She loved me well delivered67 it to me.
JULIA It seems you loved not her, to leave68 her token:
She is dead, belike?
PROTEUS Not so: I think she lives.
JULIA Alas!
PROTEUS Why dost thou cry ‘Alas’?
JULIA I cannot choose but pity her.
PROTEUS Wherefore shouldst thou pity her?
JULIA Because methinks that she loved you as well
As you do love your lady Silvia:
She dreams on him that has forgot her love,
You dote on her that cares not for your love.
’Tis pity love should be so contrary:
And thinking on it makes me cry ‘Alas’.
PROTEUS Well, give her that ring and therewithal81
Gives a letter
This letter. That’s her chamber. Tell my lady
I claim the promise for her heavenly picture.
Your message done, hie home unto my chamber,
Where thou shalt find me, sad and solitary.
[Exit]
JULIA How many women would do such a message?
Alas, poor Proteus, thou hast entertained
A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs.
Alas, poor fool89, why do I pity him
That with his very heart despiseth me?
Because he loves her, he despiseth me:
Because I love him, I must pity him.
This ring I gave him when he parted from me,
To bind him to remember my good will.
And now am I, unhappy messenger,
To plead for that which I would not obtain,96
To carry that which I would have refused,
To praise his faith which I would have dispraised.
I am my master’s true-confirmèd99 love,
But cannot be true servant to my master,
Unless I prove false traitor to myself.
Yet will I woo for him, but yet so coldly
As, heaven it knows, I would not have him speed.103
[Enter Silvia, attended by her servant Ursula]
Gentlewoman, good day: I pray you, be my mean104
To bring me where to speak with Madam Silvia.
SILVIA What would you with her, if that I be she?106
JULIA If you be she, I do entreat your patience
To hear me speak the message I am sent on.
SILVIA From whom?
JULIA From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.
SILVIA O, he sends you for a picture?
JULIA Ay, madam.
SILVIA Ursula, bring my picture there.
Ursula brings the picture
Go give your master this: tell him from me,
One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget,
Would better fit his chamber116 than this shadow.
Gives her a letter
JULIA Madam, please you peruse this letter.
Pardon me, madam, I have unadvised118
Delivered you a paper that I should not:
Takes back the letter and gives another
This is the letter to your ladyship.
SILVIA I pray thee, let me look on that again.
JULIA It may not be: good madam, pardon me.
SILVIA There, hold.123
I will not look upon your master’s lines:
I know they are stuffed with protestations125
And full of newfound126 oaths, which he will break
Tears the letter
As easily as I do tear his paper.
Offers the ring
JULIA Madam, he sends your ladyship this ring.
SILVIA The more shame for him that he sends it me,
For I have heard him say a thousand times
His Julia gave it him at his departure.
Though his false finger have profaned132 the ring,
Mine shall not do his Julia so much wrong.
JULIA She thanks you.
SILVIA What say’st thou?
JULIA I thank you, madam, that you tender136 her.
Poor gentlewoman, my master wrongs her much.
SILVIA Dost thou know her?
JULIA Almost as well as I do know myself.
To think upon her woes, I do protest
That I have wept a hundred several times.
SILVIA Belike she thinks that Proteus hath forsook her?
JULIA I think she doth: and that’s her cause of sorrow.
SILVIA Is she not passing fair?
JULIA She hath been fairer, madam, than she is:
When she did think my master loved her well,
She, in my judgement, was as fair as you.
But since she did neglect her looking-glass
And threw her sun-expelling mask149 away,
The air hath starved the roses in her cheeks
And pinched the lily-tincture151 of her face,
That now she is become as black as I.152
SILVIA How tall was she?
JULIA About my stature: for at Pentecost,154
When all our pageants of delight155 were played,
Our youth got me to play the woman’s part,
And I was trimmed157 in Madam Julia’s gown,
Which served me as fit, by all men’s judgements,
As if the garment had been made for me:
Therefore I know she is about my height.
And at that time I made her weep a-good,161
For I did play a lamentable part.
Madam, ’twas Ariadne, passioning163
For Theseus’ perjury and unjust flight,
Which I so lively165 acted with my tears
That my poor mistress, movèd therewithal,
Wept bitterly: and would I might be dead
If I in thought felt not her very sorrow.
SILVIA She is beholding169 to thee, gentle youth.
Alas, poor lady, desolate and left!
I weep myself to think upon thy words.
Here, youth, there is my purse: I give thee this
Gives money
For thy sweet mistress’ sake, because thou lov’st her.
Farewell.
[Exeunt Silvia and Ursula]
JULIA And she shall thank you for’t, if e’er you know her.
A virtuous gentlewoman, mild176 and beautiful.
I hope my master’s suit will be but cold,177
Since she respects my mistress178’ love so much.
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
Here is her picture: let me see, I think
If I had such a tire181, this face of mine
Were full as lovely as is this of hers.
And yet the painter flattered her a little,
Unless I flatter with myself too much.
Her hair is auburn, mine is perfect yellow;
If that be all the difference in his love,
I’ll get me such a coloured periwig.187
Her eyes are grey as glass, and so are mine:
Ay, but her forehead’s low, and mine’s as high.189
What should it be that he respects190 in her
But I can make respective191 in myself,
If this fond Love were not a blinded god?
Come, shadow, come, and take this shadow up,193
Looks at the picture
For ’tis thy rival.—O thou senseless form,194
Thou shalt be worshipped, kissed, loved and adored;
And were there sense in his idolatry,
My substance should be statue in thy stead.197
I’ll use198 thee kindly, for thy mistress’ sake
That used me so: or else, by Jove199 I vow,
I should have scratched out your unseeing eyes
To make my master out of love with thee.
Exit
running scene 17
Enter Eglamour
EGLAMOUR The sun begins to gild1 the western sky,
And now it is about the very hour
That Silvia, at Friar Patrick’s cell, should meet me.
She will not fail; for lovers break not hours,4
Unless it be to come before their time,5
So much they spur their expedition.6
See where she comes.—
[Enter Silvia, with a mask]
Lady, a happy evening!
SILVIA Amen, amen.8 Go on, good Eglamour,
Out at the postern9 by the abbey-wall;
I fear I am attended10 by some spies.
EGLAMOUR Fear not. The forest is not three leagues11 off:
If we recover that, we are sure12 enough.
Exeunt
running scene 18
Enter Turio, Proteus, [and] Julia [disguised as Sebastian]
TURIO Sir Proteus, what says Silvia to my suit?
PROTEUS O, sir, I find her milder2 than she was,
And yet she takes exceptions at your person.3
TURIO What? That my leg is too long?
PROTEUS No, that it is too little.5
TURIO I’ll wear a boot, to make it somewhat rounder.
Aside
JULIA But love will not be spurred7 to what it loathes.
TURIO What says she to my face?
PROTEUS She says it is a fair9 one.
TURIO Nay then, the wanton lies: my face is black.10
PROTEUS But pearls are fair; and the old saying is,
Black men are pearls in beauteous ladies’ eyes.
Aside
JULIA ’Tis true, such pearls as put out ladies’ eyes,13
For I had rather wink than look on them.
TURIO How likes she my discourse?
PROTEUS Ill, when you talk of war.16
TURIO But well, when I discourse of love and peace.
Aside
JULIA But better indeed, when you hold your peace.18
TURIO What says she to my valour?
PROTEUS O, sir, she makes20 no doubt of that.
Aside
JULIA She needs not, when she knows it cowardice.
TURIO What says she to my birth?22
PROTEUS That you are well derived.23
Aside
JULIA True: from a gentleman to a fool.
TURIO Considers she my possessions?
PROTEUS O ay, and pities26 them.
TURIO Wherefore?
Aside
JULIA That such an ass should owe28 them.
PROTEUS That they are out by lease.29
JULIA Here comes the duke.
[Enter the Duke]
DUKE How now, Sir Proteus; how now, Turio.
Which of you saw Eglamour of late?
TURIO Not I.
PROTEUS Nor I.
DUKE Saw you my daughter?
PROTEUS Neither.
DUKE Why then,
She’s fled unto that peasant Valentine,
And Eglamour is in her company.
’Tis true, for Friar Laurence40 met them both
As he, in penance, wandered through the forest.
Him42 he knew well, and guessed that it was she,
But, being masked43, he was not sure of it.
Besides, she did intend confession
At Patrick’s cell this even45, and there she was not.
These likelihoods confirm her flight from hence.
Therefore I pray you stand47 not to discourse,
But mount you48 presently and meet with me
Upon the rising of the mountain-foot
That leads toward Mantua, whither they are fled:
Dispatch51, sweet gentlemen, and follow me.
[Exit]
TURIO Why, this it is to be a peevish girl,
That flies her fortune53 when it follows her.
I’ll after, more to be revenged on Eglamour
Than for the love of reckless55 Silvia.
[Exit]
PROTEUS And I will follow, more for Silvia’s love
Than hate of Eglamour that goes with her.
[Exit]
JULIA And I will follow, more to cross that love
Than hate for Silvia, that is gone for love.
Exit
running scene 19
[Enter] Silvia [with the] Outlaws
FIRST OUTLAW Come, come, be patient:
We must bring you to our captain.
SILVIA A thousand more mischances3 than this one
Have learned me how to brook4 this patiently.
SECOND OUTLAW Come, bring her away.
FIRST OUTLAW Where is the gentleman that was with her?
THIRD OUTLAW Being nimble-footed, he hath outrun us.
But Moyses and Valerius8 follow him.
Go thou with her to the west end of the wood,
There is our captain: we’ll follow him that’s fled.
The thicket is beset11, he cannot scape.
[Exeunt Second and Third Outlaws]
FIRST OUTLAW Come, I must bring you to our captain’s cave.
Fear not: he bears an honourable mind,
And will not use a woman lawlessly.
SILVIA O Valentine, this I endure for thee!
Exeunt
Act 5 Scene 4
running scene 19 continues
Enter Valentine
VALENTINE How use1 doth breed a habit in a man!
This shadowy desert2, unfrequented woods,
I better brook than flourishing peopled towns:
Here can I sit alone, unseen of any,
And to the nightingale’s complaining5 notes
Tune my distresses and record6 my woes.
O thou that dost inhabit in my breast,
Leave not the mansion8 so long tenantless,
Lest, growing ruinous, the building fall
And leave no memory of what it was.
Repair11 me with thy presence, Silvia:
Thou gentle nymph12, cherish thy forlorn swain.
Commotion within
What hallowing13 and what stir is this today?
These are my mates, that make their wills their law,
Have15 some unhappy passenger in chase.
They love me well: yet I have much to do
To keep them from17 uncivil outrages.
Withdraw thee, Valentine: who’s this comes here?
Stands aside
[Enter Proteus, Silvia, and Julia disguised as Sebastian]
PROTEUS Madam, this service I have done for you—
Though you respect not aught20 your servant doth—
To hazard life and rescue you from him21
That would have forced your honour and your love.22
Vouchsafe me for my meed but one fair23 look:
A smaller boon24 than this I cannot beg,
And less than this I am sure you cannot give.
Aside
VALENTINE How like a dream is this? I see and hear:
Love, lend me patience to forbear awhile.
SILVIA O miserable, unhappy that I am!
PROTEUS Unhappy were you, madam, ere I came:
But by my coming I have made you happy.
SILVIA By thy approach31 thou mak’st me most unhappy.
Aside
JULIA And me, when he approacheth to your presence.
SILVIA Had I been seizèd by a hungry lion,
I would have been a breakfast to the beast
Rather than have false Proteus rescue me.
O, heaven, be judge how I love Valentine,
Whose life’s as tender37 to me as my soul!
And full38 as much, for more there cannot be,
I do detest false perjured Proteus.
Therefore be gone, solicit40 me no more.
PROTEUS What dangerous action41, stood it next to death,
Would I not undergo for one calm look:
O, ’tis the curse in love, and still approved,43
When women cannot love where they’re beloved.
SILVIA When Proteus cannot love where he’s beloved.
Read over Julia’s heart, thy first best love,
For whose dear sake thou didst then rend thy faith47
Into a thousand oaths; and all those oaths
Descended into perjury, to love me.
Thou hast no faith left now, unless thou’dst two,50
And that’s far worse than none: better have none
Than plural faith, which is too much by one.
Thou counterfeit to thy true friend!53
PROTEUS In love
Who respects55 friend?
SILVIA All men but Proteus.
PROTEUS Nay, if the gentle spirit of moving57 words
Can no way change you to a milder form,58
I’ll woo you like a soldier, at arms59’ end,
He grabs her
And love you ’gainst the nature of love: force ye.
SILVIA O heaven!
PROTEUS I’ll force thee yield to my desire.
Comes forward
VALENTINE Ruffian, let go that rude uncivil63 touch,
Thou friend of an ill fashion!64
PROTEUS Valentine!
VALENTINE Thou common66 friend, that’s without faith or love,
For such is a friend now. Treacherous man,
Thou hast beguiled68 my hopes; nought but mine eye
Could have persuaded me. Now I dare not say
I have one friend alive: thou wouldst disprove me.
Who should be trusted, when one’s right hand71
Is perjured to the bosom? Proteus,
I am sorry I must never trust thee more,
But count74 the world a stranger for thy sake.
The private75 wound is deepest.
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